Photo of Captain Smarm

Captain Smarm

www.myspace.com/captain_smarm

View My:

  • Captain Smarm

  • 85 / Male
  • BROOKLYN, New York, US
  • Last Login: 6/24/2009

163506718|85|11100|http://c3.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/51/m_e8045c43521630cc77f952b27bb00caa.jpg

Interests

  • General

    Now, if it hadn't been for Sammy and his little lady there, I'd be in a mess of trouble, I'll tell you. I mean, that broom...it was something else! And to think we were about to give it to that Injun. Good thing my Army training kicked in, else I might've made more than just the two mistakes, if you catch my drift...

  • Music

    WHY ARE YOU TALKIN LIKE THAT! NO MORE TALKY! YOU'LL RUIN THE WHOLE THING, STOP TALKIN LIKE THAT NOW - YOU HEAR! I KNOW YOU HEAR!

  • Movies

    So the sergeant says to me, he says, 'Captain Smarm, I know you're one of the smart ones. So why you gotta go and do a thing like that? That poor boy never hurt a fly.' But I know a man when I see him, you see. I know when he's good and when he ain't, and there weren't nuthin good about that horse, I tells yuh. So I'll just go outside and get it, then.

  • Television

    LA LAW sure was a fine program. That and the WWF. What happened to the WWF?

  • Books

    So if you take a man to his limits, then you really understand him. That's what I was always tryin' to EXPLAIN to my boy. Weren't a thing I done that I regret. I showed Calpurnia where to hunt, I set the trap, and I knew just what was comin.

  • Heroes

    And if the Good Lord don't forgive a thing like that, well I don't know who will.

    WHY ARE YOU STILL HER?! YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING!

Blurbs

About me:

Here's the boy with the pictures of me or somesuch. I dunno what... Marty's Sock Puppet Portrait Online Emporium

I once ate 27 jars of marmalade high atop Mount Killback. Of course it was the all the rage at the time to both climb Mt. Killback AND to eat a great deal of marmalade...but far be it from me to chase another man's dream, particularly while on their bicycle... Which is to say that I couldn't hold a flag or a tenor to it...

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!WHAT AM I DOING HERE?!

At any rate, the measles had just taken hold of olde Zeke Zanfrester. 'Course Zeke weren't so old back then - was he? Nuh! Huh! Uh-uh. Soooooo...we have to go find that olde injun fella to teach us some o'his magic tricks and whatnots! Let's get goin! And sure enough we found him in the wheat field b'hind Ma Campbell's place, but wouldn't you know it - Jimmy Twotree went and stumbled into the very snake pit that we dug! Ain't that always the way! So we says 'Bye, Jimmy!' and 'Helloooo Mabeline!'

And that's how I met your grandmother.

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A message from our sponsor: Purchase any of Marty's 36 Sock Puppet Portraits (small framed photographs of sock puppets that Marty makes) at www.martystuff.com. Support the crazy arts! While you're at it, listen to sock puppets and people rock out together at www.unclemonsterface.com!

*********

Who I'd like to meet:

Now, if it weren't for those two firemen, I'd have been pinned down by that Mexican voodoo man. He knew all the right moves, see - and he's been following me all day long. I first noticed him when I was in the breads and toiletries aisle at the local grocery. I knew something was peculiar because of the juke box that was set up next to the foot long gerkins. Well, a little goes a long way, and the next thing I know, I'm digging another ditch in old McCluggens's schoolyard, if you catch my drift...

DON'T LOOK'IT ME! YOU HAVE TO LEAVE OR ELSE IT'S ALL RUINED!

Comments

Displaying 10 of 10 comments
  • The Nutty Bunny and His…

    Feb 9 2009 7:27 PM

    So I was thinking about what we were talking about - all that you've been through and the perspective that it gave you, and i just wanted to let you know that it lent me some perspective, too.

    I'll see you at group tomorrow, okay?
    Stay strong.

    NB
  • Becky

    Sep 9 2008 1:09 AM

    Don't tell that guy Marty, but I bought us plane tickets to Cuba. He'll never find us there, our love can finally be free!

    xoxoxo
  • tinatina Olson

    Aug 22 2008 8:32 PM

    i saved you a snowball.
  • Becky

    Apr 27 2008 9:00 PM

    you know you love me captain, don't deny us.

    <3
  • [the beards of women]Robert Hickerson

    May 21 2007 10:09 PM

    Hello Dear Smarm,
    I do believe I met you with my dear friend Lindsey in New York.
    You did seem quite charming, and well
    over the past couple weeks I have been thinking
    And I think I find myself wildy attracted to you, dear
    I love you.




    I LOVE YOU.

    ♥

    and even though I would be crushed, completely,
    I understand if you don't feel the same way
    A Human-SockPuppet Relationship is Taboo In society
    For now, at least,
    But maybe one day,
    Just maybe,
    We can make it work.

    Yours FOREVER.

    ~TBOW
  • Capt. Kristinface the G…Kristin Davisson

    May 17 2007 6:32 PM

    crunchatize me cap'tn!
  • Schmenge

    May 3 2007 9:52 PM

    Thank you for adding SCHMENGE!

    Stay tuned for instructions fellow sock creature.
  • A Growing Collection of… Online Now!

    Mar 20 2007 3:30 PM

    Thanks For The Add
  • Pirate

    Mar 20 2007 4:13 AM

    thanks for the add cap'n!
  • Ted The First Sock Pupp…

    Mar 8 2007 6:14 PM

    Good Captain, this may sound odd and I don't mean to alarm your clearly delicate state, but I believe I made your acquaintance at the Sock Puppet Battle of Taaffe Creek where you would have served under Sock Puppet Commander Von Brown, if I'm not mistaken? I realize it was some time ago, but at the time you made quite the impression with your vigor and occasionally misguided acts of valor. I should very much like to get together some time and reminisce, if perhaps you'd be amenable to buying me a lunch? I look forward to your reply.

    Yours,
    Ted, the first sock puppet (ever)