Drinking
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the llusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
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"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
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The "Buffalo Theory":
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
~ Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not
Location: Cavern
When: Friday, October 12, 2007 at 5:00PM
Gay Marriage: It just makes my stomach turn. The thought of all those cute boys settling down with only one man is just such a shameful waste of sweet, sweet man ass that could (and should!) be shared with everyone! Where it used to be a simple toe-tap in an airport restroom meant 5-or-so minutes of hot layover man-pussy... but statistics show that the increased amount of "committment ceremonies" appears to be causing my potential pool of single-gay-guys-who-really-don't-care-they-are-getting-it-on-near-feces to dwindle! Take it from me... it's hard to get this going now! This is why I've spent a lifetime opposing gay marriage. What? You thought I was posturing for homophobic rednecks to get votes while secretly riding the hershey highway? Shoot, that would make me some kind of giant hypocrite.
Conservatism is all about restraint and moderation, and this issue is where my real conservative streak kicks in: preserving anonymous gay sex for future genrations of bathroom pirates. Myself, Ted Haggard, Mark Foley, and Jeff Gannon are starting an anti-gay marriage advocacy group comprised entirely of man-craving Republicans just like us. We shall be called the "Foot Tappers." Our first meeting is this Friday at Cavern and we are going to try to raise enough money to have the brave pioneer of homosexual bathroom sex, George Michael, play our Gentleman's Ball we are throwing in December. When you get to Cavern, go to the back, gently knock four times on the men's room door, and then slide your fingers underneath it. I'll be the guy sitting on the john with the "wide stance."
hey... i just got myself a free apple iphone, just by entering my zipcode at this website..IT REALLLY WORKED! it came today. you should get yours before the giveaway is over. i saved the web address for you.. just goto http://grooviniphones.com to get yours, i'm going to get another one right now :)
The CHH and Six shooter collaboration for christmas is going to be PURE insanity! Fasten your condoms, uhh, i mean seatbelts, folks, because it's going to be a rollercoaster ride!
I've got the master email list ready, so let's discuss the final arrangements for the evite!
