Photo of HOward-sam Bittner

Cerebral Sam

www.myspace.com/cerebralsam

Sam is now a vegetarian. I'm putting soy bean goup on 2 coke bottles and goup on a turkey carcass, so I can eat vegetarian tomorrow. Know why vegetarians arMood: mellow mellowPosted at 2:13 AM Nov 26, 2009 view more

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  • HOward-sam Bittner

  • 59 / Male
  • LAKEWOOD (Cleveland), Ohio, US
  • Last Login: 1/6/2010

220014593|59|11111|http://c1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/11/m_aa399defa85943418c42146660294ccc.jpg

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Interests

  • General


    Click Yes if you like :-)





    Starting a new religion that teaches, when you die your soul goes to a garage in East L.A. Collected rhino "pies",collecting books on how to pick up women, (I need them I haven't had sex in 10 years) comedy, duh!!,comparative religion and philosophy, time-travel, anybody got a patent on a new machine? I would like to go back to the middle ages, when Horace, the first comic played jester to the king. He opened thusly. "I'm Horace, medieval comic, I hope you people are having a peasant evening!
    Here's Cerebral Sam, a 19 year old freshman, studying for the ministry at Bob Jones Univ. As you can see I'm taking my ministerial studies seriously. Here am I telling jokes to an alligator and looking for laughs—but all I could get was a toothy smile. 12 years earlier at the same school Dr. Billy Graham preached to the alligators for practice. No wonder he didn't get expelled like me—16 alligators crawled out of the swamp, climbed the bank to Billy's cypress stump and wooden-cross altar to be saved! Now while most of the alligators became belts and shoes, after they died, and went to heaven they got 27 virgin alligators, and an endless supply of rubber chickens, which St. Pete jokingly called heavenly alligator gum—whose flavor lasts forever! Anyhoo!! To see additional pics from my family album go to myspace.com and click blogs. Then click find persons, type in Cerebral Sam, then when find a friend comes up, click on e-mail and type in howardsamuelbittner@yahoo.com—95% of the time this should get you to my profile, comedy films embedded therein. Sam

  • Music

    In a word--classic rock-n-roll, classical, almost all types except rap and hip-hop, although there specific exceptions:Biggy Small, Snoop-Dog, Eminem. Beatles, Rolling Stones, Neil Young, Eric Clapton, and Steely Dan.

  • Movies

    Wizard of Oz, Giant, Gone with the Wind, Midnight Express, Leaving Las Vegas, Tommy Boy (rest in peace Chris Farley,you gave way more than you got!!!), Unforgiven, Miracle on 42nd Street, Shaft, and Passion of the Christ.

  • Television

    Crapola! I watch satelite cable. Honeymooners, Steve Allen, Johnny Carson, Miami Vice,

  • Books

    The Bible. Heck, most of them are just shelf ornaments!!

  • Heroes

    Red Skelton, Clint Eastwood, Chris Farley, Belushi and Akroyd, Bill Cosby (someone tell him he's a black man),Rappin'Rodney Dangerfield, Seinfeld, and all the wackos on the sit-com,

Details

  • Status: Single
  • Here for: Networking, Dating, Serious Relationships, Friends
  • Hometown: Cleaveland
  • Orientation: Straight
  • Body type: 5' 10" / Athletic
  • Ethnicity: Other
  • Religion: Christian - other
  • Zodiac Sign: Leo
  • Children: Proud parent
  • Smoke / Drink: Yes / No
  • Education: College graduate
  • Occupation: Internet evangelist/prophet/comic(no profit)
  • Income: Less than $30,000

Schools

  • Cuyahoga Community College District

    • Cleveland,OH
    • Graduated: 1996
    • Student status: Alumni
    • Degree: Associate's Degree
    • Major: R. N. Nursing
    • Minor: Electrical Engr. Technology
    • Clubs: Cannabis culture,Emigres of E.U., F.G.S.S.F. (Future Geeks and Side Show Freaks)
    • Greek: Pi Psi Pi
    1991 to 1996

  • Cleveland Advertising School

    • Cleveland,OH
    • Graduated: 1968
    • Student status: Alumni
    • Degree: Professional
    • Major: Advertising
    • Minor: Merchandising
    1967 to 1968

  • Cleveland State University

    • Cleveland,OH
    • Graduated: 1978
    • Student status: Alumni
    • Degree: Bachelor's Degree
    • Major: Psychology
    • Minor: Journalism
    • Clubs: Thespians, Debate Club,Toastmasters--"consuma tumacha laude"
    • Greek: Eta Mu Pi
    1966 to 1978

  • Bob Jones University

    • Greenville,SC
    • Graduated: N/A
    • Student status: Alumni
    • Degree: Bachelor's Degree
    • Major: King James Bible
    • Minor: Koine Classical Greek
    • Clubs: Biology, Chemistry,Future broadcasters Greek: Basilean-"Kingdom"
    1962 to 1965

Networking

  • stand-up comic, character/improvisational/comedic acting/writing

  • comedic acting/drama/character--improvisational

Companies

  • Scott & Fetzer

    • Cleveland, Ohio US
    • Journeyman cnc Machinist
    '90-'95

  • Warner & Swasey

    • Cleveland, Ohio US
    • Machine Tool Builder
    '77-'82

  • Kent Lee Advertising/Public Relations

    • Cleveland, Ohio US
    • Account Exec./Copywriter
    '71-'74

  • Bardon & Oliver

    • Cleveland, Ohio US
    • Machinist apprentice
    '74-'77

  • National Aeronautics and Space Administration John Glenn Research Center

    • Cleveland Hopkins International Airport, Cleveland, Ohio US
    • Apprentice cnc-machinist /Avionics/Astronautics
    '90-'91

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Truth Box

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Activity Stream

Blurbs

About me:

I had a tough start in life. When I was 7 years old, I saw the Jewish landlord beat my father up because he was drunk, and an alcoholic--An illness I would inherit later. My mother was confined to the Cleveland State Hospital for 10 years. She was schizophrenic. Not long afterwords, I became homeless, and lived in a big wooden box, in a field at 117th-Euclid Ave. Fortunately it was summer and fall, so I didn't freeze. I was pelted with rocks,eyes swollen up, body cut all over with razor blades. I was sexually molested by adults, and older boys and girls. It was a Jewish-Italian neighborhood in 1950, and to this day I can't talk without using my hands. Finally, someone recognized there was something wrong when I missed one half of the school days at Rosedale elementary. When I was there, I was wearing filthy clothes and was discovered, covered with chicken pox. I went to detention home, then receiving home, and then 2 different foster homes untill 19 years of age. Both sets of parents were good people, so I did get some normalcy in life, at last, but I have to deal with the aftermath, severe post traumatic stress syndrome and inherited alcoholism tendences. then, but I'm maintaining. This is the truth, and not some melodramatic comedy ploy. melodramatic ploy of comedy.

Who I'd like to meet:

Bernadette Peters, actress and singer extraordinare. Hell, I would marry her, and be faithful till I die! I would have loved to met Red Skelton--the one who inspired me to become a comic, when I was only 7 years old. I just thought about it for over 50 years. I really started my comedy at 12 years of age, when I cracked up my principal, teachers, and classmates. Yes, I like George Carlin, was the class clown!

Comments

Displaying 25 of 134 comments
  • ST. ANTHONY Online Now!

    Jan 4 2010 4:49 PM

    Sam, whats up my Irish Nukka ?
  • Soulthreat

    Dec 28 2009 7:50 PM



    Hey Sam !!

    New album "Herz aus Gold" (Heart of gold) by Soulthreat is available on my Homepage.


    Herz aus Gold


    Best regards and a healthy, happy and successful year 2010!!



  • LEMMING {Indie Rock Fo…

    Dec 26 2009 6:36 PM




  • ST. ANTHONY Online Now!

    Dec 22 2009 1:05 AM

    It is not well to make great changes in old age.
    Charles Spurgeon
  • Red Skelton by Brian Ho…

    Dec 21 2009 8:41 PM

    Just stopping by to wish you


    If you need a little stress relief,


    Laughter is the BEST Medicine!


    COME SEE US!




    CLICK on PICTURES for more INFO


    "Goodnight now and may God bless"

  • The O'DonoghueMichael O'Donoghue

    Dec 17 2009 6:18 PM

    thanks for the add. You have better stuff posted here. Move some over to FB - so my friends that you stole can see what you are about. :-) - I only check Myspace once a month, so don;t expect much from me here. See ya around the web buddy.
  • chris adams

    Dec 9 2009 9:30 PM

    Hi

    Welcome to my circle of friends, its great to meet you.
    Come bye anytime, chill out, maybe send a comment.

    Stay in touch..ca





    chris%20adams%20uk
    Quantcast
  • Red Skelton by Brian Ho…

    Dec 5 2009 8:54 PM


     Red Skelton on youtube

    NEW Show starts DEC 7th
    Goodbye for now and may God bless
  • Briq

    Dec 3 2009 12:16 AM

  • Panoramic

    Dec 2 2009 9:15 PM

    Heya homeslice, we're gonna be sending a 3-song demo to small labels, and we REALLY need help deciding which of 3 of our 5 songs to send. Seriously, your input is wanted!
    XO
    Kurt
  • Disenchanted Entertainm…Cliff Payton

    Nov 28 2009 2:27 PM

    Happy Turkey Day From You #1 Wedding DJ Provider!

  • Briq

    Nov 25 2009 10:48 PM

    Happy Turkey Day!!!!

  • JohnnyJohnny B

    Nov 20 2009 10:06 PM

    thanks for the add have you had a chance to check it out yet?
    Cheap Tricks and Theatrics
    click here for ITUNES
    click here for AMAZON

  • ST. ANTHONY Online Now!

    Nov 18 2009 12:26 AM

    Good Talk Bro, keep it real
  • Red Skelton by Brian Ho…

    Nov 15 2009 9:55 PM

    Stopping by to say HI!!!

    Wish you were here...would love to meet you;)



    I wish you continued success in all you do.

    Goodnight now and may God bless

    Brian Hoffman~Red Skelton Impersonator.
    Brian Hoffman's Remembering Red -A Tribute to Red Skelton
  • LEMMING {Indie Rock Fo…

    Nov 15 2009 7:59 PM

     

  • ST. ANTHONY Online Now!

    Nov 3 2009 6:54 PM





    For shits and giggles
  • ST. ANTHONY Online Now!

    Nov 2 2009 11:55 PM

    Sam , Peace be with you from Peace, love from Love, grace from Grace, faith from Faith, life from Holy Life!


    I ask you, what is a Jew ?




    “Anyone who exchanges scripture for a present, or for food, or for drink, or for clothing, or for anything else of that sort will be cursed.”
    ~John


    If you say, "I am a Jew," no one will be moved. If you say, "I am a Roman," no one will be disturbed. If you say, "I am a Greek, a barbarian, a slave, a free man," no one will be troubled. If you say, "I am a Christian," the world will tremble.
     ~Philip

    "Become haters of hypocrisy and evil thought. For it is thought which gives birth to hypocrisy, but hypocrisy is far from the truth.
    ~James the just



    Jesus said, "Let him who seeks continue seeking until he finds. When he finds, he will become troubled. When he becomes troubled, he will be astonished, and he will rule over the All."
    ~Thomas




  • ST. ANTHONY Online Now!

    Nov 2 2009 5:05 PM

  • ST. ANTHONY Online Now!

    Nov 2 2009 2:33 PM

    God bless you my ancient friend and brother, sorry to hear about your struggles, but you know what the ancients say, Love is only found through suffering, so it sounds like your well on your way to your reward from "the lil' ol' man in the woods. Keep your light shinnin' and don't fall for any of their bullshit. We may be Goyim, but were elect Goy ! St. lil' Brother
  • Red Skelton by Brian Ho…

    Oct 30 2009 4:13 PM


    I want to thank you for allowing me as Red Skelton to be a part of your myspace life.

    Fall is here and the holidays are approaching. They can be stressful so I'm giving you a gift of laughter.

    If by chance you are in Las Vegas or plan on visiting us this season, I would be honored to meet you.

    I perform every Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday night 9pm inside the Royal Resort Hotel showroom located 99 Convention Center Drive (basically corner of Las Vegas Blvd and Convention Center Drive)

    The name of the show is Larry G Jones ~Man of 1002 Voices Show.

    I'm the opening act as Red Skelton.
    If you get the chance please stop by and say HI.
    If you want to see the show here is a discount code for you.




    I wish you continued success in all you do.

    "Goodnight now and may God bless"

    Brian Hoffman~Red Skelton Impersonator.

    If you get a chance CLICK HERE to check out my new web site I'm working on.

    Brian Hoffman's Remembering Red - A Tribute to Red Skelton
  • 3ARTES

    Oct 22 2009 1:48 PM

    News from 3ARTES:
    CASYOPEA EP OUT NOW on BEATPORT ! More info:
    https://www.beatport.com/en-US/html/content/release/detail/197721/casyopea_ep
  • Guido

    Oct 12 2009 3:39 AM

    This comment was sent by your friend via the Heroes app. To block this app and all communications from it, click Here.


    -------------------------------------------


    Guido wants you to become a member of their guild in Heroes, a game of might, magic, and glory on MySpace. Start out as a unknown adventurer and rise to become a legendary Hero!

    Join Guido's Guild!

  • KIMBERLY

    Oct 10 2009 6:04 AM

    You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

    1. At least 2 people in this world LOVE you so much they would DiE for you.

    2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

    3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

    4. A SMiLE from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

    5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

    6. You mean the world to someone.

    7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

    8. You are special&unique.

    9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.

    10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

    11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

    12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you BELiEVE in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

    13. Always remember the compliments you received. FORGET about the rude remarks.

    14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
  • Red Skelton by Brian Ho…

    Oct 7 2009 8:18 PM

    Just stopping by to give you a massage


    I hope your week is a fun one!

    Enjoy it before it is gone;)

    I wish you continued success in all you do.

    Goodnight now and may God bless.

    Brian Hoffman~Red Skelton Impersonator

    p.s. Are you planning to visit the Las Vegas Strip??!...If so, I hope you come see me ;)

    RED SKELTON