Charles Casillo

About me:

Here is the trailer to my movie LET ME DIE QUIETLY which is now being entered in film festivals.

First, I am a human being. Although I resent that implication. I'm the usual unique guy. An average-looking knockout, extremely passionate and intense--in an apathetic, laid back kind of a way. I'm very happy-go-lucky and content, except when I'm being moody, broody & filled with dissatisfactions. I think that I am a kind person but I'm at a loss as to what to compare tenderness to anymore. I can be maddingly self centered, even while being giving. I go through periods of extreme ambition and activity which I counteract with longer periods of exhaustion and laziness. At the very least, I'm very clear-headed about my own confusion.

Physically, I'm an Italian-American guy with dark hair and eyes and a fluctuating appearance. Although I've been considered a beaut in my own right, I realize one person's paradise, someone else wouldn't look twice at. Sure, there's plenty of guys who are better looking than me, more clever, younger, with a better body. My body fluctuates depending on my mood and love life. But I will compete with any man on a total package level. I've decided to admit to myself I sometimes lose the competition.

I'm sure you'd find me uncomplicated and without baggage, as long as you have an extremely complex mind that runs on a very twisted track. Bottom line: I'm a good guy, though, sort of intriguing, never boring. I'm abnormally talented in about 3 areas--completely hopeless at everything else. In Los Angeles my friends dubbed me "Mr. Magoo" because of my driving skills or lack thereof. I have no sense of direction. I can get lost going through a tunnel.

I have this "thing" that lives in me. It's something very strong and it took me years to understand. People react violently to it. It makes me a conspicuous person, this "thing" does. People have a tendency to react to me very strongly, Since my earliest memories, I'm either very beloved or extremely loathed--people seldom feel lukewarm about me. This drains me. It goes back to the days of the nuns in Catholic school (who either lovingly hung my drawings on the wall or tried to ridicule me in front of the class) and continues to this day. Someone spots me across a crowded bar. BAM! That's how I am judged. I guess I give off strong vibes I am completely unable to control. I'm used to it now but sometimes I wish I could just be benign since I approach all people pretty much loving them or at least liking them.

In that vein, my romantic interests usually fall in love with me very quickly and then turn on me even more suddenly and unexpectedly and I rarely understand why since I'm not aware of doing anything different.

Now I've revealed some of my secret parts.

Second, I am an artist. I work in creative fields. I started out as an actor but most of my professional life has been as a writer. I began my writing career as an entertainment journalist for publications like "The New York Times" and "The Los Angeles Times." I'm often considered a "celebrity consultant" or a "fame observer," and my opinion is sought on current A-List topics...or legendary show business tales. I've also written books, poetry, essays and plays.

My most recent project is a movie I wrote, co-produced and acted in entitled "Let Me Die Quietly." It's a stylish, neo-noir, thriller. It was made over the course of 3 years on a very low budget with an extraordinary cast. Even though it absorbed all my attention, energy and blood to hold it together and get it made, it is, in all honesty, a small movie. Nothing like what most current moviegoers are used to: a huge, big-budgeted, Hollywood, action-packed thriller with dozens of locations and thousands of extras. "Let Me Die Quietly," has its limitations. So many people are involved in putting together a movie, you lose some control over the quality--especially when there is limited money. Again, it's a small movie, with some very good things about it...some quietly moving moments. It was a lifelong dream of mine to complete a movie so in that way it's a personal triumph. But it certainly had a rocky, roller-coaster-ride-without-a-wheel production history. It is currently being entered on the Film Festival circuit.

My last novel was the much ballyhooed novel, "The Fame Game" I call it "Hip Chick Lit with a dick," because it was written by me. It's not really chick lit--but people who like that genre will dig it. It's a steamy story, a contemporary satire on the obsession with celebrities, tabloid culture, and the frantic quest for fame. It follows the careers of 3 very ambitious, lusty, urbane, wannabe's--grasping, climbing, desperate, backstabbing--all on a frantic quest for celebrity. There's a gorgeous female model who wants to act, a sexy male prostitute who wants to write, and a famous director's daughter who will do anything to prove herself. Very fun, very modern "Valley of the Dolls" but with literary bite AND steamy love scenes,intrigue, and the deceptively gorgeous characters.

Like many people, I've had a long time fascination with Marilyn Monroe. My first novel is entitled "THE MARILYN DIARIES" which is a fictional recreation of the infamous lost diary of Marilyn Monroe. So it tells her life story as if written in her own voice--as I imagine it...it is available at amazon.com and barnes&noble.com

Another book of mine, an official, authorized literary biography of the writer, rebel sexual outlaw, provocateur, male hustler, JOHN RECHY. "OUTLAW: THE LIVES AND CAREERS OF JOHN RECHY. His book "City of Night," is a gorgeous classic and paved the way for generations to come.

"My other book is "BOYS LOST & FOUND" a collection of short works published by Gival Press.

Lastly, like most of you, I am ambitious. I have this "thing" in me that makes me want to become better so you will love me. It follows me everywhere. During my struggle to grow, to climb, to become the person I'm supposed to be, I've learned a lot. I have become better! Yet--because of my quest to become the best I could be--I've been hurt. Have I ever hurt anyone? Probably. But it was only when fighting for something I really believed in with my back up against the wall. I never intentionally hurt anyone in my life. It's in my work, I find, where I find my back up against the world most of all. There is a complex mixture of genetics and personal history that makes me give everything I've got to whatever I do. I'm incapable of approaching anything half-assed. For a long time I took for granted that everyone was this way. Hating to disappoint anyone, I put all my energy into living up to expectations--never considering whether or not you live up to mine. As a result I end up disappointed a lot.

An example: If I say I'm going to make a movie, I make it. I put getting the movie made before a weekend in Venice. A sexual tryst. A night out drinking with my friends. When I am on the set, I am there to work. You've got me. You want to try it this way, I'm willing to try. You want to try it like that, let's do it. Give me your best ideas and we'll it give it a shot. Maybe it will make it better. Maybe it won't work. But at least we're exhausting our ingenuity in making it the best possible way. That's how I work and that's the kind of people I want to work with. I hate that you have to constantly hack your way through mediocrity. It has been astonishing to me how many people, although they talk a good line of shit, but who are willing to "wing it." I don't wing it. I don't want to know people who "wing it." If you "wing it," good-bye. Good luck to you. I think that about 1% of the people who call themselves artists truly are. I think that the world is filled with narcissistic exhibitionists calling themselves artists. You can meet them at any bar or party making cocktail chatter about their latest project. I'm holding out for the 1%

It's that "thing" in me that makes me do that. It's that thing in me, that I was born with, that makes me continue to struggle, to want you to like me, makes me lonesome, and keeps me on my journey.

In many ways I'm just a regular guy. In a few ways I'm extraordinary. It's those few things that get me in trouble.