Chet Bearclaw (have a piece of Chet for breakfast)

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The Christmas Song

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Released: Dec 22, 2009

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The Christmas Song
2:22
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Billy Jean
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Slam Dance Final.mp3
2:59
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General Info

Genre: Alternative / Pop / Rock
Location Traverse City, Michigan, US
Profile Views: 8262
Last Login: 12/11/2011
Member Since 10/31/2006
Website www.chetbearclaw.com
Record Label Unsigned
Bio
..The story of Chet Bearclaw is one of mystery, darkness, heartbreak, and complicated stuff. A living legend. A man thousands of years ahead of his time... ..Strangely, all public documents pertaining to Chet date back only as far as 1969. This has led to numerous rumors that he is none other than a hippie who never snapped out of an acid overdose. Chet has repeatedly denounced this rumor by explaining that if it were true he would probably remember it, which is not possible since he can't remember anything from the 60's. "I'm not even sure I was here for the 60's", he once stated. He has also pointed out that hippies are poor and dumb as shit, two qualities that rest at the opposite end of the spectrum from him... ..Chet first found himself in the public spotlight after his avaunt guard art exhibit, "Lover's Love Hole", was displayed at New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art. The piece received harsh criticism and after only 27 minutes on display was ordered by the city of New York to be removed from the building and lit on fire. The New York Times published a photo of the burning sculpture on the front page with no other words than the headline that read "Chet Bearclaw is an idiot". Chet was devastated by the public's rejection of his work and as a result vanished from the public eye for 10 years... ..In 1980 Chet was little more than a faint memory of failure to the public. That changed one fateful night on a fashion show runway when an unknown designer unveiled a revolutionary concept that dropped the jaws of the entire world. Enter the designer denim jacket. It turns out Chet had not been wasting away during his 10 year disappearance. He had completely reinvented himself from the ground up and had became something much bigger than man. God-like. Impossible to ever associate with the Chet of the past, everything about him seemed perfectly in tune. His wit was razor sharp, women desired him, and every idea he conceived was simply amazing. Chet found himself on top of the world... ..Exotic sports cars, swimming pools, mansions, yachts, private jets, hot babes... Just another day for Chet Bearclaw in the 1980's... ..By the 1990's Chet had become the most famous thrill seeking playboy alive. He laughed at the face of death and was a pioneer of many extreme sports that still remain unchallenged to this day. On July 4th, 1992, Chet learned he might be human after all. He had spent millions of dollars organizing and promoting what he claimed would be the greatest achievement in sports history. The plan: hitting 250 mph on water skis and then hitting a ramp that would launch him over 1000 feet into the sky, allowing him to deploy a giant American Flag parachute with the words "Rock This!", and then majestically descend to to earth with red white and blue smoke trailing behind him. He had hired Eddie Van Halen to stand atop a 50 foot high pillar and perform a rendition of the Star Spangled Banner during the stunt. After setting foot back on ground, with patriotic smoke still streaming behind him, Chet was to run 200 meters down a sandy beach, climb another 50 foot pillar adjacent to Eddie's and sit down at a red white and blue drum set with custom sparkler drum sticks in hand. The stunt would end with Chet performing a drum solo that would bring the national anthem to an epic, thunderous, end... ..Over 30,000 spectators lined the shore to witness history unfold before them. Everything was in place. Chet was feeling it for sure. A custom built, 2500 horsepower, turbo boat had been designed specifically for the event. At precisely 12:00pm Pacific Time, it was show time. Chet stood at the edge of a dock in the distance, suited up in his star spangled skin suit with skis on feet and ski rope in hand. His aero helmet and mirror face shield made him look like a glorious space warrior from the distant future. The turbo boat bobbed slightly in the water as its idling engine belched rumbling shock waves that could be felt deep in the stomachs of the nervous spectators on shore. With a nod of his head, Chet gave the go signal. The roar of the boat's engine was like a million canons firing at once. Van Halen started shredding. Chet trailed behind, knees bent, body crouched, skis skimming and slapping across the surface of the water. 5 seconds in - speed: 100 mph and rising. 10 seconds: 210 mph. 12 seconds: disaster, and Van Halen stops shredding... ..At somewhere around 212.5 mph, an unpredictable event sent the stunt on a tangent to hell. Of all the times and places for such to occur on the entire 10 mile long lake, a small mouth bass decided to jump out of the water directly in in front of Chet. With no chance to even know what hit him, the bass struck Chet directly in his love sack. The instant spike of pain threw him off balance. Hands still gripped tightly to the rope, skis still on feet, his flailing body skipped and dashed across the water like a mad aqua comet. Unable to hold his grip any longer, he finally let go, still traveling at over 200 mph and skipping like a stone. It then became horrifically apparent that he was still directly on course to hit the giant ramp. The words "Chet this out", followed by an arrow pointing off the tip of the ramp were written in red white and blue letters outlined in gold. The crowd watched helplessly as he approached the the ramp. Then, he hit. Seeming to lose no speed whatsoever, he met the ramp while still tumbling out of control. He zipped up the face of ramp which then threw him like a rag doll toward the heavens. His body, arms and legs now spread eagle, mimicked the motion of a cartwheel as he rapidly gained altitude. Everyone was certain they were witnessing the final moments of Chet's amazing life. After maxing at an altitude of about 700 feet, he began plummeting back to earth. Some people covered their eyes, unable to watch such a tragedy. The crowd stood completely silent. Then a shout was heard coming from Chet's location. "fuck me!" Then, to everyone's surprise, his parachute fired out of its pack and bloomed into the air, hovering over him like a giant American pride mushroom. Chet, it seemed, was going to be alright! .. ..Miraculously, the stunt seemed back on track. Amazing. Chet then activated the smoke makers attached slightly above his ankles. For a second nothing happened, but then tragedy struck again. With a loud "woomf" sound, a giant ball of flames engulfed Chets entire body. His screams could be heard, "Christ on a rubber technology raft... oh my fuck... shit no!". He remained ablaze as the red white and blue canopy above him gently returned him to the water below. Finally, he met the water with a sizzle and a cloud of steam, then sank out of view. The parachute fell to the water, flattening over the surface like a blanket. Rescue crews frantically speed to the stars and stripes that marked what was feared to be nothing more than a watery grave of the great Chet Bearclaw. When they arrived there was no sign of life. Only silence and the gentle waving of old glory in the water. Then a lump appeared in the parachute, pushing an aero helmet shaped portion of it above the surface. "Whoa... whoa... where am I? oh god is this hell?", a voice shouted in panic through the thin wet fabric. He was alive! ...and very confused. Rescuers pulled the chute from over him, grabbed him by his head and lifted him out of the water and onto the boat. An ambulance waited on shore as the rescue boat brought him in. The crowd could see him lying on his back on a stretcher as they transported him off the boat. He appeared motionless, but then, he extended his trembling, scorched, bloody hand into the air with all fingers extended. He then retracted one finger at a time until finally only one finger, his middle finger, remained extended to the sky. Then with a firm, deep, raspy voice he exclaimed "Aint goin nowhere". He was then placed in the ambulance and driven to an undisclosed location... ..For 15 years nobody heard a peep from Chet. There were speculations that he died that day. The world should have known better. Chet ain't that easy... .. .... .. .. .. ............Myspace Layouts.... - ....Vintage Myspace Layouts...... ....Myspace Codes.... - ....Myspace Generators.... - ....Myspace Backgrounds.... .. .... ....
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Chet Bearclaw
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Sounds Like
A Mammoth colliding with a Rhinoceros