There were four explorers. All of them were from different parts of the world. All of them were given the task to find the meaning of life and the secrets to the universe. For years they each scoured the world searching for the answers when their search brought them all together to one location out in an isolated wilderness. They found themselves standing in front of a massive structure. Written over the only entrance were the words,
“Within these walls are the answers you seek.”
They knew that this was the treasure they were looking for and one by one they entered.
The structure had no windows. Not one ounce of light penetrated its walls. It was pitch-black dark inside. After a brief walk through, they discover it is one giant room. In fact too large for one person to explore alone, therefore each explorer decided to examine a different corner of the massive room. Because it was so dark, they were able to see only what they could shine their torches on. They spent the next several years examining, studying and taking notes of their corners.
One explorer carefully examined his corner of the room. On the walls, there were paintings and writings all telling a story of a powerful being that created the universe and all things in it, including humans. It told of every aspect about the being’s personality and what to expect from it. The explorer was excited to find such wonderful knowledge, but two things baffled him. There was nothing saying exactly how to come in contact with this being or exactly what he should call the being once he met it.
After many years of studying his corner and deep contemplation, the explorer came up with a name to address the being and a vague idea of how to come in contact. After much self-reassurance, the explorer decided that this was, without a doubt, definitely the answer that his people sent him to find.
The second explorer carefully examined her corner of the room. On the walls, there were paintings and writings all telling a story of many great men. All these men performed miraculous things and spoke astounding words of wisdom. All these men spoke of a connection and relationship with a powerful being that as a result, they were able to perform these miracles. The explorer was excited to find such wonderful knowledge, but two things baffled her. There was nothing saying exactly how these men came in contact with the being, and that each man had a different name for the being. For many years she studied her corner and deeply contemplated how she could maybe come in contact with the being and after much self-reassurance, the explorer decided on what name to address the being and a vague idea on how to come in contact. She also decided that this was, without a doubt, definitely the answer that her people sent her to find.
The third explorer carefully examined his corner of the room. On the walls there were paintings and writings all telling fantastic and wondrous secrets of the world and the universe. It revealed the purpose and design behind all things, including human beings. The walls even spoke of a powerful being who was the author of all this. The explorer was excited to find such wonderful knowledge, but two things baffled him. There was nothing saying exactly how to come in contact with this being, nor a name to address it once he did. After many years of studying his corner and deeply contemplating what he should do, the explorer decided what name to address the powerful being and a vague idea of how he could come in contact. He also reassured himself that this, without a doubt, was definitely the answer that his people sent him to find.
The fourth explorer examined his corner of the room. Writings and paintings on the walls spoke of very unusual things that he did not fully understand. It spoke of multitudes of beings. Some resembled humans. Some did not. Beings of light and dark. Beings of many wondrous features and unimaginable life spanning the far reaches of the universe including human beings. It also spoke of a powerful being that created all the beings of the universe and that all the beings were bound together and through a connection with the powerful being, all the beings could come to be like the creator. The explorer was confused but very excited to find such wonderful knowledge. The two things that confused him were, there was no mention of how other beings could come in contact with the powerful being, nor did it say a name to call out when he did come in contact. After many years of studying his corner and deep contemplation, the explorer decided the best way to contact the being and what name to call out. He also reassured himself that, without a doubt, this was definitely the answer that his people sent him to find.
Many, many years passed as the explorers studied that structure. All of them determined to find the answers to take back to their people. By circumstance, they had all finished their search at about the same time, and all of them stumbled out of the dark room and back into the wilderness. The four explorers were so excited to have found the answers to life and the universe, and were so confident that what they discovered was what the other three had found as well, they began bragging to one another of what they had found. As is human nature, this did not go very well. It started off as small disagreements, but as discussions went on through the night and into the next day, the differences in what they now believed to be the answers were so fierce, that they began to fight, nearly killing one another. In a furious rage, they all marched off in different directions, vowing that they would take their truth back to their people and only they would be the ones to meet the powerful being.
In all the commotion, the four explorers never even noticed the fifth member of their gathering. A small little child had silently followed one of the explorers on his quest. Completely unnoticed among the adults. In fact, they never even knew she was there with them as they fought. She could not hear, or speak, but the anger among adult’s scared her so much, that she took up a torch and ran back into the structure to escape the fighting. In her wandering in the dark, she bumped into a massive structure in the very center of the enormous room. It was a very large torch lamp. She lit the fuse and a few seconds later the entire inside of the structure was visible. All four corners and the walls connecting them lit up. All the writings and paintings made, she could see, one giant story. Very high above her head, the ceiling had a name written in very large bold letters with many arms reaching out towards the four corners of the room. The girl was excited and overjoyed as tears ran down her cheeks. She knew she could stop the adults from fighting if she could show them this. When she made it back outside, the four explorers had already left the wilderness and headed back to their homes. The little girl ran as fast as she could to reach them and bring them back to the structure. She did eventually reach them, but as hard as she tried to convince them, they could not understand the girl who could not hear or speak.
Ages passed. Generations came and went for each of the explorers. The path leading to the structure had long grown over and was left unknown and the corner that each explorer brought back changed and became of it’s own as it was passed down.
As for the little girl?
She spent those years at the structure quietly looking over the shoulders of all the explorers and when she got back home, she wrote down everything from all their notes.
Even she did not have the entire message of the structure though. When the giant torch lit and she rushed out to catch the explorers, she forgot to go back herself, and the image of what she saw slowly passed from her memory and certain things were lost to time.
It took me many weeks to even attempt to write down this story that spent even more time swirling inside my head. It is essentially an anecdote summarizing my thoughts of what religion has become for us as a species.
Today in September 2008, I remember where this all truly began for me. It is preceded by my childhood, which leads into adulthood.
I grew up with a childhood not too strange or traumatizing, but none the less, it was still a childhood with more than a fair share of turmoil. Anger and resentment was something that I carried with me everywhere. Partly because of the worry and troubles I saw my parents going through with daily life, and partly because confusion always leads to anger.
It may have started off inherent. A part of my DNA structure, but quickly grew the older I got and the more immersed in society I became, I can’t really say, but regardless, it was a deep seeded anger coupled with fear that grew into paranoia. Looking slightly different than the other kids, with ears that got most of the notice, along with being super skinny, and more aware of everything around me than most kids my age were, I was a bully magnet. The bullying of course perpetuated itself with the anger that I carried around with me, as if feeding into the bully’s drive to conquer. Being too small to really be any threat, the bullies’ assurance of victory strengthened with each psychological and physical confrontation. I have to add that the bullying wasn’t confined to just the kids. Certain adults also had this bullying mentality that inexplicably drew towards me. It was an event that happened all the time, that was then exacerbated by me shrugging my shoulders, befuddled trying to explain to my frustrated parents as to why I was being singled out. This was naturally followed by the mandatory words “don’t let the bullies to get to you. Ignore them and walk away. Those were probably some of the most confusing times in my life. for one, it was hard to walk away from something that was chasing you and second, it was especially difficult when some of the bullies were adults.
Here is one example I remember very clearly. It was in the 1st grade with a teacher named Mrs. Mudd. I remember coming back from lunch and being pretty miffed about some kids that were sitting next to me poking fun at my lunchbox that I proudly picked out myself. The problem was, there was nowhere else to sit and the teasing went on for the entire lunch period. Two of these kids were of the cornbread fed stature, so there was nothing I could do, but sit there and listen to them taunt me. Back in the uniform line heading back to class, one of the kids is, you guessed it, standing right behind me in the line. Well, the natural thing to do is to try to get as far away from the thing that’s bothering you as possible, but when you’re in the strict “Stay In Line” rule avoidance is a bit tricky. Five minutes up, I just couldn’t stay there any longer and decided to walk outside the line. The bully found another stick to jab me with. “Mrs. Mudd! Chris is out of line!” Looking back, I can’t say I too much blame the teacher’s actions. She was, after all, nearly 70 years old and in her last year as a teacher. A teacher with as much patience as a 70-year-old lady around a bunch of noisy little kids all day could be. She quickly snaps around to see me sulking , walking outside the line. The gloomy cloud got darker as I knew that I would be yelled at in front of the other kids for doing this and that she wasn’t going to hear my excuse. As she was harping past her glasses with the librarian, old lady frames, the anger began to build up stronger. I felt betrayed. The adult that could have helped with the bully two inches behind me, chose to yell at me instead. I said nothing and just stood there staring at her. It was then that she did something that profoundly changed my view of authority even unto this day. She began to tease me. “What are you puffin your cheeks out at me boy? You look like a bullfrog” I was beside myself with rage. I couldn’t yell out at a grown up. What was I suppose to do? I could feel the whole class laughing at me. With only one kid in the class who was my earliest version of a fair-weather friend
(that being a friend who sticks around only when things are smooth…that and he was slowly becoming one of the popular kids and though he seemed to like me, he did so more and more privately), I was completely alone, in a class that was laughing at me and a teacher who found a kid she could poke fun at without fear of consequence. A profound moment in my development as a human being now that I look back at it.
All that aside, we’re brought into my adulthood. With the anger and paranoia built up over two decades of my life, along with the fact that growing up my family moved a lot. All this set me up as , what I like to call, a fully-grown tumbleweed. A tumbleweed is a small bush or plant that takes a certain number of years to grow. In its growing stage, it is actually a quite lush, green leafy plant that unfortunately is seeded in dry, drought stricken land and prairie. At the time of it’s maturity, it’s roots break free and even though it is still somewhat green and able to produce seed, it is no longer grounded and gets pushed across the lands by blowing wind. As time and distance goes by, it does sputter off several seeds, but it’s now tangled branches are dry, stiff and beginning to grow thorns. After a certain time, the tumbleweed becomes a lifeless twine of dead, thorny branches, aimlessly roaming the landscape, only stopping when the wind temporarily dies down, or an obstacle stops it.
For me I was the personification of a tumbleweed. I traveled a lot. Mainly on whims. Wherever the wind blew me. I could make friends easily enough, but I had trouble really connecting with people on any deeper level than as an acquaintance. As well, my love lives were more rollercoaster rides than relationships. Though I did end up finding a spiritual path through Christianity when I was fifteen, it was considered more of an insurance policy to me than spiritual enlightenment. For even in church, I found myself and my ideas to be outsiders and I struggled for years to seek out a deeper meaning to life. Constantly trying to find out why it was all such a struggle for me, basic tasks of survival always outweighed deep focus on the here after. Just like, I believe, all humans do, I became accustomed to my way of life, and in a sense accepting it as “this is the way it’s suppose to be for me.” Ideals like family, marriage and complacency were not even lit candles in the chambers of my mind.
All the chaos and unrest that was the structure of my life came to a screeching halt in one, almost miraculous, moment. I got married. It was from that moment on, that life itself began to take on a whole new meaning to me. It was no longer about finding my next meal, or seeking out my next shelter to prop up my feet. It was not about staying emotionally distant and guarding. All the aspects of life that I accepted as true reality quickly deteriorated and a brand new reality spring up under my feet like those old loony tunes where the character was planting something and then poured growth syrup in the ground and in a matter of seconds, the crop grew up right under their feet.
This was a true unexpected revelation to me. Here I had someone who loved me truly for me. With all my faults and paranoia and chose to marry me. A person I could trust with my open true self.
An understanding of home took hold. I began to see that all those people in the world who I thought were so strange, staying in one place and planning for the future was now a reality that could be meant for me as well. It both exilerated me and frightened me in ways I’d never known.
I can’t say, as I am sure most anyone can’t say, what lies in the conscious of a wild animal or plant. That is if there is consciousness at all. Consciousness in the terms of
self- awareness or self-identity. Regardless, of what I can’t say, what I can say is that it is evident that destruction based on ideology is something only seen in the world constructed by humans. Even in our closest relative, the wild primate,
I'm Christian.
I am an artist, a musician, a writer of small stories
and sometimes an a film maker...check out my music videos.
I am happily married to my soul mate, who is scary smart, a talented dancer and
costume maker/seamstress.
I am by far a perfect human being, but I believe that we all have a purpose to become enlightened and evolve ourselves in mind and spirit. This is something I strive for and struggle with on a daily basis. Several ways I work to evolve myself is through the act of creating (music, art, etc.) This opens up my mind to new ways of thinking. Exploring the areas of the mind that I've never been in. Both scary and exhilarating at the same time.
The other way is by constantly wiping clean and re-examining the world around me. By this, I continually see things in a new light, from a different angle, as if for the first time.
It really brings back the wonder and magic of the world that often gets lost in the daily grind.
I do believe that there is a greater knowledge and an author to the universe that we exist in, but that any one religion or belief is merely one small piece of the puzzle and that they ALL fit together in a way we have not yet figured out.
