New America (from "The Big God Network")'s Interests
General
patriotism, talking in tongues, faith healing, a literal reading of the Bible, spreadin' the word via satellite and fiber optic, talkin' to angels, talkin' 'bout the Rapture, and generally kickin' ass and takin' names
Television
O'Reilly Factor, Fox News, Colbert Report
Books
Bible, all of Rush and Ann
Heroes
George W. Bush, Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, James Dobson, Ann Coulter, Pat Boone, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, John Ashcroft, Ronald Reagan, Tom DeLay, Oliver North, Dick Cheney
IT IS TWENTY YEARS IN THE FUTURE and the USA has split into liberal Pacifica (the West Coast), conservative New America (the Heartland), Dinee (the Navajo lands), New England (those liberal northeastern states) and other new nations.
MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF NEW AMERICA:
Dear post-Americans,
We say, come live in New America, the land of the free, the brave and the holy!
We embody what was best in Old America and we are a Christian nation (note: Catholics and Episcopalians are not of the true faith). Jews and Muslims and Buddhists are welcome, but must pray to God like everyone else before school or ball games. Unitarians will be stopped at the border. We don't teach evolution here, nor the Big Bang, nor Carbon-14 dating. In fact, any kind of dating is frowned upon. We prefer church functions for the bonding of our young people. Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder, while fondling makes the heart go yonder.
We don't countenance smut, nor subversion, nor the smoking of marijuana. Gays, liberals and seculars will be sent to re-education camps. Gun ownership is mandatory. Our borders are similar to those in the JesusLand map, more or less the "red states" of Old America, with a few exceptions. Our capital is Colorado Springs. If you want to know more about our great land, please do not read The Big God Network. It's a pack of lies!
Thanks for making the Roy Moore 2010 governor unofficial, your friend. Spread the news that we need (moore)friends for Judge Moore. I don't think you will find a more honest man, we need more men like him in office. Feel free to contact me with any ideas that will help get him elected.
EMILY: I find it very upsetting, indeed, that Americans elected Osama. Isn't he the criminal mastermind who worked for the CIA to train the beginnings of Al Qaeda to fight against the Soviets in the 1980s? Isn't Osama the fiendish Bond-style villain who allegedly had Arab pilots trained, in the US, to attack American landmarks? Why would Americans vote for such a man as Osama? How could they... McGOWAN: Uh.. Emily. EMILY: ... vote for such an arch enemy as Osama... McGOWAN: EMILY! EMILY: Yes? McGOWAN: That's OBAMA, Emily. Obama. Mr. Obama is the first African-American president... a civil-rights lawyer from Chicago... a good man... a true patriot. EMILY: Oh, my... well, that's very different, indeed. [Pause]... Never mind.
Hello, New America... Greetings, my fanatical, fascistic fratello. Salutations, my radically right-wing, raving relative. I trust that you are well, and suppressing intellectuals, free-thinkers, and communitarians by the score. Your wonderful avatar picture reminds us of the glorious, irrevocable Republican truth: A vote for McCain = a vote for more Bush. Bush = McCain. Thank you for this inspiring reminder. Pomp, penetration, punishment, and pachyderms, Secretary Luke Goodrich
I'm looking for native speakers of French, German, Spanish, or any language other than English (Italian's taken care of :). . . who might be inspired to translate my new poem.
The revolution will not be organized, the revolution will not be organized .com, the revolution will not be Yahoo Grouped, Meetuped, downloaded, uploaded, QWERTY'd, or blogged.
The revolution will not be handled by webmasters, think-tankers, authors of policy position papers, authors of anti-policy position papers, secretaries, executives, executive assistants, insiders, whistle-blowers, informants, counter-informants, committees or sub-committees.
Your neighbor with excellent leadership qualities will not lead you into, through, or out of the revolution. The revolution will not be inspired, instigated, managed or controlled by him, her, or them. The revolution will not be organized.
No matter if you eat at McDonald's and can barely walk, . . .
--- more at: http://therevolutionwillnotbeorganized.org
We regret to inform you that today's comment has been CANCELLED. Every effort will be made to get you a new comment at the earliest possible date and time. We regret any inconvenience this may have caused.
Hail, New America! Emily: I don't see why we need a "New" America! What's wrong with the Old America? Why can't we go back to the days when men were men, and us women knew our place? When God was in charge, and all was right with the world? A time when, if our opponents stepped out of line, why, we'd just give them a sound thrashing. A time when... Billy-Bob: Ah, Emily... Emily: ...when there was no difference between the church's laws and the government's laws, and people could carry around guns freely without... Billy-Bob: EMILY! That's what New America is all about... all of the things that you said... NEW America really means going back to OLD America. New IS Old, Emily. Emily: Oh... well, that's a very different thing.... [pause]... Never mind. Pomp and circumstance, RE-VO
Hey, N'Am, Hippie veteran: Wow, man... so I'm flashing... and I'm strung out on a stream... and I say, "Hey, babe, I'm getting flashbacks from when I was in Nam." Wow, far up... far down... Nam all over again. Shepard: Ahh, excuse me... excuse me, you furry freak. This is New America, sir. It is N'Am, but not the Nam you speak of. This is a nation with no separation of church and state, a place where religious schools dominate the educational system, and creationism, not evolution or cosmology, is the accepted paradigm... where we ban controversial books. Hippie veteran: Oh, wow, man... sorry... that's a very different thing altogether. [pause] Never mind. With fear and trepidation, RE-VO
Hail, New America, Just making a brief visit to N'Am, wrapped in the Stars and Stripes, high-steppin' like Astaire, and playing "Dixie" on my piccolo (settle down, Billy Bob Shepard... a piccolo is a small marching-band flute) to wish you an Independence Day brimming with red-state pride! We are united behind you, sir! RE-VO P.S. And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air!
Hail, New America, RE-VO couldn't be here today [I kidnapped him] to write to you personally... I'm Uncle PEA-BO Subliminal, Earthborn [alien mole] American Christian Coalition [morally superior] cousin of RE-VO's RE-VOXIAN hippie uncle MEE-PO [lunatic sinner]. I'll be manning the dreamland11 VR terminal [Satan machine] for today [henceforth]. Greetings from a [value-deviant] band of [subversive] rock n' roll astronauts ["Benedict Arnolds"] for peace [terrorism]. Thanks for letting us land our [latte-sipping] eco-friendly [tree hugging] crew on this positive planet of love [crusades] and spirituality [rapture], and for visiting dreamland11, our [communist/Canadian] launchpad of social justice [communism], activism [Marxism], and rock [sin]. Peace [treason] and friendship [bots], RE-VO P.S. Please visit "The Amazing [dangerous] World of J.C. McGowan [commie!]" at dreamland11!
