Cole Haddon
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Fear and Loathing in the Entertainment Industry, 2006. There is no more wretched environment on earth for perverts, deviants, addicts, and talentless swine than Hollyweird.
Male
33 years old
Echo Park, CALIFORNIA
United States
Last Login: 10/6/2009
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Cole Haddon's Interests
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| General | Motion pictures, music (listening and writing about it), literature (the reading and writing of it), traveling whenever the hell I get the chance (42 states and 9 countries), horse-on-human porn, zombie rights, politics, art (museums relax me), and, oddly enough, evolutionary science (including genetics and anthrobiology). Weird, I know. | | Music | Above all, Queen. If Freddie Mercury ain't enough for you, tack onto that short list David Bowie, Ringside, Van Morrison, Elvis Costello, Nick Cave, Badly Drawn Boy, Waylon and Johnny and Willie and Merle, Rock and Roll Soldiers, Etta James, Nina Simone, Arthur Lee and Love, Shooter Jennings, Slade, the Hold Steady, Ben Harper, Jamie Cullum, Chris Knight, Gavin Degraw, Joe Cocker, Leonard Cohen, Joni Mitchell, the Living End, Marvin Gaye, Missy Higgins, Nick Drake, Dixie Chicks, James Blunt, Aimee Mann, Keren Ann, Ben Lee, Phantom Planet, Rachael Yamagata, Silverchair, Ella Fitzgerald, A New Found Glory, Stereophonics, The Subways, Elton John, Lynryrd Skynyrd, CCR, Warren Zevon, the Stripes, Two Gallants, Robbie Williams, the Darkness, Antony and the Johnsons, the High Speed Scene, Rufus Wainwright, Martha Wainwright, Scott Thomas, Cary Brothers, Iggy & the Stooges, Velvet Underground, the Greencards, Decoder Ring, Annaliese, Syd, Kasey Chambers, the Hard Lessons, the Sounds, Ray Charles, and...well, a lot more. | | Movies | STAR WARS trilogy (the Classic, duh), INDIANA JONES trilogy (RAIDERS was the first film I ever saw, which means crazy skull-ghost-wrath-of-god bitch really freaked me out), ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST, LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, ROMAN HOLIDAY, CASABLANCA, NORTH BY NORTHWEST, IN AMERICA, THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY, NOTORIOUS (Cary Grant at his darkest), TO CATCH A THIEF, JAWS, CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND, SCHINDLER'S LIST, 21 GRAMS, THE QUEEN, THE THREE BURIALS OF MELQUIAES ESTRADA, LA DOLCE VITA, BEFORE SUNRISE AND BEFORE SUNSET (thank you, Linklater), ARMY OF DARKNESS ("This is my boom stick!"), OUT OF SIGHT, THE DEEP END, LOST IN TRANSLATION, THE VIRGIN SUICIDES, CHILDREN OF MEN, ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND, LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy, CATCH-22, THE SIXTH SENSE, KISS KISS BANG BANG, A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE, CAPOTE, BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE, STRANGER THAN FICTION, NOTTING HILL (yes, I said it!), THE PROPOSITION, BEAUTIFUL GIRLS, BEING JOHN MALKOVICH, ADAPTATION, GARDEN STATE (especially since half the damn movie is exactly like the first novel I wrote and now can't sell -- thanks a lot Zack Braff!), THE PHILADELPHIA STORY, CONAN THE BARBARIAN (not THE DESTROYER, which licks ass), LEON THE PROFESSIONAL, SPIDER-MAN and SPIDER-MAN 2, MYTH OF FINGERPRINTS, CLOSER, FLASH GORDON, THE PIRATE MOVIE, THE HIGHLANDER, BEN-HUR, SEVEN SAMURAI, RASHOMAN, YOJIMBO, LA CONFIDENTIAL, MARIE ANTOINETTE, KISS THEM FOR ME, THE THIRD MAN, CITIZEN KANE, HAMLET (Brannagh's like-84-hour version), GOOD WILL HUNTING, OCEAN'S 11 (not 12...sigh), THE LIMEY... and, Christ, probably about 100 other movies I should mention. | | Television | HEROES, SCRUBS, ENTOURAGE, THE OFFICE (BBC version), THE DAILY SHOW, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT (damn Fox), FAMILY GUY, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (Seasons 3-7), ANGEL (Seasons 1-3 & 5), MSNBC News, THE COLBERT REPORT, ROBOT CHICKEN | | Books | WONDER BOYS (Michael Chabon), SEX, DRUGS, AND COCOA PUFFS (Chuck Klosterman), DUNE (Frank Herbert), CHILDREN OF DUNE (Frank Herbert), GOD-EMPEROR OF DUNE (Frank Herbert), FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS (Hunter S. Thompson), THE CATCHER IN THE RYE (JD Salinger), TRUE STORY OF THE KELLY GANG (Peter Carey), GUNS, GERMS, AND STEEL (Jared Diamond), HIGH FIDELITY (Nick Hornby), LORD OF THE RINGS (JRR Tolkien), PALE FIRE (Vladimir Nabakov), PERMANENT MIDNIGHT (Jerry Stahl), DHARMA BUMS (Jack Kerouac), CATCH-22 (Joseph Heller), THE VIRGIN SUICIDES (Jeffrey Eugenides), THE VIRTUE OF SELFISHNESS (Ayn Rand), FRANNY AND ZOOEY (JD Salinger), HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ALIENATE PEOPLE (Toby Young), WHERE I'M CALLING FROM (Raymond Carver), A PEOPLE'S HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES (Howard Zinn), THE LEFT HAND OF DARKNESS (Ursula K. Leguin), FEAR AND LOATHING ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL 1972 (Hunter S. Thompson), MERCHANTS OF IMMORTALITY (Stephen S. Hall), MYSTERIES OF PITTSBURGH (Michael Chabon), MERCHANTS OF IMMORTALITY (Stephen S. Hall), IV (Chuck Klosterman), THE J CURVE (Ian Bremmer) | | Heroes | Charles Darwin, Frank Herbert, Hunter S. Thompson, Michael Chabon, JD Salinger, Steven Spielberg, Raymond Carver, Sergio Leone, the Dixie Chicks, Alfred Hitchcock, David Lean, and, of course, Gandhi, Ben Affleck, and the guy who invented Velcro. |
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Persistence Pays Off
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Cole Haddon's Details
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| Status: | Single | | Orientation: | Straight | | Hometown: | New Baltimore, Michigan (just north of Detroit) | | Body type: | 6' 2" | | Religion: | Atheist | | Zodiac Sign: | Leo | | Smoke / Drink: | No / Yes | | Children: | Someday | | Education: | College graduate | | Occupation: | Journalist |
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Cole Haddon's Companies
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San Antonio Current
San Antonio, Texas US
Freelance Journalist
Music, Film, and Literature
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2005-Present
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City Paper
Baltimore, Maryland US
Freelance Journalist
Film
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2005-Present
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Orlando Weekly
Orlando, Florida US
Freelance Journalist
Music and Film
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2005-Present
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Westword
Denver, Colorado US
Freelance Journalist
Music
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2005-Present
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East Bay Express
San Francisco, California US
Freelance Journalist
Music
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2005-Present
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The Pitch
Kansas City, Missouri US
Freelance Journalist
Music
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2005-Present
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Cincinnati CityBeat
Cincinnati, Ohio US
Freelance Journalist
Music and Film
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2005-Present
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Cleveland Scene
Cleveland, Ohio US
Freelance Journalist
Music
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2005-Present
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New Times Broward-Palm Beach
Fort Lauderdale, Florida US
Freelance Journalist
Music
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2005-Present
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Phoenix New Times
Phoenix, Arizona US
Freelance Journalist
Music
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2005-Present
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Dallas Observer
Dallas, Texas US
Freelance Journalist
Music
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2005-2006
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Houston Press
Houston, Texas US
Freelance Journalist
Music
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2005-2006
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Miami New Times
Miami, Florida US
Freelance Journalist
Music
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2005-2006
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Wonka Vision
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania US
Freelance Journalist
Music
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2005-Present
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Cole Haddon is in your extended network
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Cole Haddon's Latest Blog Entry
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WATCHMEN Director Zack Snyder and I Talk about What to Expect from the Movie!
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WATCHMEN Star Malin Akerman Has a Latex Fetish. She Told Me So!
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Interview: WATCHMEN Star Jeffrey Dean Morgan Talks with Me about Playing a Homicidal Super-Hero
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Interview: WATCHMEN Star Billy Crudup and I BS about Playing a Glow-in-the Dark Super-Hero...
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WATCHMEN co-creator DAVE GIBBONS talks to moi about the WATCHMEN movie!!!
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| [View All Blog Entries] |
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Cole Haddon's Blurbs |
About me:
First off, if you're new here, you're probably wondering to yourself, "Who the fuck is this jerkoff and why did he add me as his friend?" The answer's simple. I won't lie. You either, A, share musical or cinematic tastes with me, B, like the same books as me, C, are a regular commenter on a blog that I think shares my humor (in which case, you'd find me funny, too), or, D, are hot and/or are Natalie Portman or someone who might be Natalie Portman or someone who might look enough like Natalie Portman that I'd be okay falling for you in that creepy Kim Novak/VERTIGO way.
Confirm me as a friend. Better yet, subscribe to my badass blog where you can read daily an entertainment journalist's thoughts about the excesses of celebrity wealth, the absurdity that is Hollyweird, and the declining standards of the music industry. You'll probably laugh. You might even piss yourself. Don't blame me if you do.
Decline me as a friend and I'll find out. I probably won't do anything about it, but, if I'm in a foul mood, I might just hire a crack squad of cracked-out ninjas to take you out with their ancient ninja arts while you sleep. You will never see it coming. If it's a bad week and I can't afford a crack squad of cracked-out ninjas, but I'm still determined to exact vengeance for your dismissal of my offer of friendship, I might FedEx you a badger that I've not fed in several days -- just so it's especially feral when you open the box. This is what you MIGHT get for not being friends with me. Sorry. I'm sensitive.
That said, COLE HADDON -- that's me (I like to speak in third-person sometimes) -- is an entertainment journalist who writes on music and film for a rotating cast of alternative newsweeklies that now total more than two dozen, including numerous titles within the Village Voice Media and Times-Shamrock chains. He does not think he is especially good at this vocation, but, lucky for him, no one has figured this out yet. He is always convinced that day is imminent, though, and soon, unemployed and broke, he will find himself living under a freeway overpass, wearing seven layers of sweat suits, and playing with pigeons he’s individually named.
Cole currently lives in Echo Park, which can be found in Los Angeles, which can be found in California. His apartment – which he shares with a fashion photographer named Tim – is located between Dodger Stadium and Downtown LA. His only neighbors seem to be Asians who, every morning, like to exercise without smiling. They never smile. Cole thinks this is his fault because, A, he does not exercise and, B, is not Asian, thus making him the ultimate outsider and no one ever smiles at outsiders. Unless you’re Matt Dillon. Then people smile at you despite your refusal to fit into society.
Cole spends his week interviewing celebrities, semi-celebrities, and wannabe-celebrities while struggling to churn out gripping journalistic narratives and music and movie reviews and convincing his editors to keep giving him work despite the fact that, remember, he’s not especially good at any of this. He also spends time developing several screenplay projects that he hopes will buy him houses in the Hollywood Hills, Brooklyn, Sydney, and London in the near future. Sometimes, he dates, too. Women are his weakness. They trouble him like his universal remote’s programming instructions.
For those who are interested, this is where you can read Cole’s work: East Bay Express, Baltimore City Paper, San Antonio Current, Phoenix New Times, Orlando Weekly, Denver’s Westword, Kansas City’s The Pitch, Cleveland Scene, and Cincinnati CityBeat.
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Who I'd like to meet:
Cole Haddon would like to meet people who think for themselves. He’d also like to meet people who need other people to tell them what to think. This is because there are not enough people in the world who think like him, so he must convert you to his way of thinking as soon as possible. This way, when the zombie plague comes, he will not be so lonely.
Except, of course, that most everyone he knows will be zombies.
Does that mean he will still “know” them, or, because of their newfound zombie status, will they no longer be the folks he once knew and loved? Since it’s probably the latter, does this mean the zombies will require rights?
Who will fight for their zombie rights?
Cole Haddon will, that’s who.
When the zombie hordes overtake the planet, vote for Cole Haddon, my fine, zombie friends. He’ll defend your rights from the bourgeoisie elite. He’ll even buy you helmets, to protect your fragile brains. Don’t fear the future. The zombies are our friends.
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Cole Haddon has 782 friends.
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