"they sold platinum this year and were on top of the charts because their parents bought all the copies and pulled some strings in the music industry"
" in the process of producing our beloved band, we also discovered a hidden talent. a brand new never-released middle aged rapper. stage name papa todd"
The frst rehearsal with the new member was going to be epic and start something great, but then the phone rang a little while before it actually started. Marty’s voice was on the other end as henry answered. "uuh, i may have broken my nose, and i have to go to the hospital... yeah. so i can't make rehearsal."
at a band party they had just had, our beloved band man candace decided to have a little show and tell, but her pet rhino couldn't make it through the door at marty's house...
marty was not happy to hear that she was weird from her own band mate, but she then realized that in typing *gasp*, she had actually gasped and never let the air out. she passed out at her computer.
In the middle of their set, while singing the indie-pop hit of the century “I’ve lost my thing,” our hero suddenly dropped from her sickness and was out cold. So punk rock!
exhausted, our beloved band began to leave crossroads: one being starved the whole day, one having had an asthma attack from old spice, one having been showered in compliments by a creepy old lady. last but not least, they all earned seven dollars.
as it usually happened, candace and marty took acoustic guitars and sat on some amps in the front of bluebond. that day they played the mega hit "3am". finishing, they heard applauses. and so the battle began...
candace soon became desperate so that band practices wouldn't have to be planned so much as down to the hundredth of a second. papa todd thought it was the usual sibling fight upstairs, but what was really happening was a dad likes strawberry jam surprise attack on candace's not-yet-collegiate sister. she was locked in a closet, and lied about to the parents. candace said she ran away with the circus and became an elephant. she OTHER kind of nose job. the todds moved to philly.
after discovering the word cracka in a lame joke that marty told her, candace was inspired to fulfill marty's "lol that should be a rap song" moment. she assigned herself keyboard and let jamie and sam stay on their instruments. marty thought it was never going to happen, the remake called "ah lost mah thang, cracka!", that is. so she volunteered herself to be the frontwoman rapper and get shot. well, it did happen, and she got shot 17 times like tom robinson in to kill a mockingbird.
candace was crushed. they had gotten their own rides. but not to her show. to another show. the lamettes and their lames had ditched her and there was nothing she could do.
One day at band practice, Jamie realized her one true love. Marty’s mom’s caprese salad. It is now the subject of all her love songs.
One day, accidentally, Jamie left on the flash to take sam’s glamour shot. He was so blinded and washed out that he actually had a brain wash. He shaved off his beard and began to act two years old, until twenty years later when he started acting 22 again. Of course, at that point, he was about 43 years old.
finally realized the true meaning of lame when they played their first paying gig in jersey. she invited the whole state to pack into the venue. all of them were swooning. our favorite band got so scared that they never actually made it on stage...
to kickstart their euro tour in small italian cities, our beloved band decided to have a small show in heathrow airport where their flight had stopped over. because of the harsh travelling conditions, nothing sounded good. the only good that came of this was their discovery of the meaning of a british insult "go turn yourself up!"
it was 10 pm, and our beloved band was still having a fun time on the trampoline with no spring covers. they took advantage of being in burbia for their mini show. marty and steph and candace suddenly alternated bounces so well that everyone had so much extra bounce. marty got so close to the edge that on her next bounce, her leg fell through the gap betweeen two springs. there was some hurt.
after gaining 3 random fans sitting at bluebond with the usual acoustics, joann started walking her bike out of the store, only pausing to talk to henry. marty, intrigued by the bike, spun the front wheel and proudly declared "this is a wheel!" she became captain obvious.
marty and steph, on the same day as the wheel incident, were jamming acoustically at bluebond out front. there was a random dude who was across the room. as soon as they began to play discotec, the dude began soloing, and suddenly was in the same key. this went on and on until candace came downstairs. this was after they pretty much finished the entire set secretly jamming. as he became random fan 3, candace made a comment on who would buy her fiesta red bass. random fan 3 said "fiesta, eh? it's spicy." this began the long history of our beloved band's "Dad Likes Strawberry Jam Secret Jammers Jam Club for Random Fans".
I never read our bio until today, and the statement "One day at band practice, Jamie realized her one true love. Marty’s mom’s caprese salad. It is now the subject of all her love songs. " is all to true. When can I marry your mothers' tomatoes, mozzarella, and basil once more in my mouth?
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