Shawn Willard

Who I'd like to meet:

I would like to meet anyone who is into cars,people who hate drama,anyone who can bring laughter,and David Hasslhoff(don't hassle the Hoff)HAHAHAHA Quotable Quotes: "Wildy original, brutally gruesome, a dazzling writer who will outrage as many readers as he delights. Vulgarly, bitterly, savagely original, he will not be forgotten by those who can take him." --The Atlantic Monthly "Remarkable, mind-spinning, rave of a guy. Uniquely funny." --L.A. Times "Digity doesn't make it. He don't fake it, carnal, he takes it." --Santana from Boyle Heights "Comic, macabre, knockabout, nightmarish, ironic, bawdy, illogical, formless, Shavian" --N.Y. Times "Voted smartest person of the year." --Short Bus Magazine "He has the double sucking power of 'Geraldo At Large' and 'The View' combined." --Geraldo Rivera "Digity's favorite poster is of Jennifer Love Hewitt with Donald Sutherland's face taped on it." --The Interrupter "A disgrace to Mexico for over 24 years!" --Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo "He once had a five-way with a group of firemen" --Sun Tzu "I love him for inventing the only bondage gear sold at Wal-Mart." --S&M Mistress "He wears adult diapers." --J.D. Salinger "Digity would always step across the line...habitually. He's a habitual line stepper!" --Charlie Murphy "Damn! I heard of trimmin' the hedges. You done scorched the earth!" --Leonard Washington "Uncompromising, disturbing...Digity's voice has the clarity and candor of a man whose impending prominence emboldens him to say what is on his mind without fear of consequence." --The Boston Globe "I hate to fight this man. He wear underwear with dickholes in 'em." --Silky Johnson "Long Beach's worst. Get the fuck out of town!" --The Press Telegram "Ignore him, if you must. He ain't no good to nobody. He once ate my bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos...without askin'. Do you believe that shit?!" --Anonymous Hobbies: --Sucking mild sauce packets in the bathrooms of Taco Bell. --Providing colonic advice to strangers on the street. --Smelling the sweet aroma of urine stained newspapers. --Watching C-SPAN. --Playing a game called "Just the Tip" behind bus stations. Deep Secrets: --I live by the famous '80s saying: "I ain't afraid of no ghosts!" --I love cold weather. I must have been a polar bear in my previous life, or I was the yellow ice that parents taught their kids not to eat. --I write when I'm sad or angry. My shrink tells me that this is a good way to vent my frustrations. I sometimes disagree with her because, after all, she's just a blow-up doll with pouty lips. --I've learned the hard way that billiard chalk is not a type of food. --When I was a kid, I thought Tang and Ovaltine were the best things in the world. As an adult, I've learned that they are quite overrated. --I'm best known as a writer, but my true passion is thinking of creative ideas and then jotting them down on a piece of paper. --I'm not what you call a real "bather." --Sometimes, I pee standing up. If you want to chat add me: shawn_willard@hotmail.com