I haven't been able to successfully sleep through an entire night or day for the past week or so. And while I've always had some sort of insomnia (mostly what I like to call "Night Owl Insomnia" where I rarely can get to sleep before the sun starts to rise)... I've never experienced something this maddeningly uncomfortable.
Sleep is by far one of my favorite things to do. Although I tend to do it during hours when most people are being productive members of society, at least I've been able to do it. But no, not now. Not lately. Instead I toss and turn, getting an hour or two of shut eye in between the toss and the turn, and then I find myself sitting here at 4:10 in the AM writing this all out after popping an Ambien my friend gave me. I'm hoping that describing it all while I wait for the pill to kick will not only tire myself, but also be a way to document it all for the doctor (should he need it).
So... on to documenting and defining this catastrophe.
What I'm experiencing is not just the typical "gears won't stop turning in the brain" scenario that I'm all too familiar with, it's also a physical discomfort. It feels like a nerve has been pinched in my spine, and in return all the other nerves in my body are feeling jumpy and agitated. It may or may not be medically possible, but that's how it feels to me. It's like my body is antsy for a 5-mile jog, but too tired and out of wind to even venture around the corner for a walk. When the toss, turn and shake sets in (I've started twitching and shaking in bed as well)... I try to get up and do push-ups, stretches, or even run in place. But there isn't enough physical energy left in my body to even pull one of those off successfully. So I push myself to do it anyway, often getting faintish and lightheaded, only to lie down and have the feeling come right back around in 10 minutes. Or less? All I know is that it's always right after I start to drift off into sleep. I do this a few times and finally get my visit to dreamland, only to be yanked from my pillowy, cotton candy car out into the reality of restlessness. It just feels like jolts of energy are being pulsed through the nerves in my body, and there's nowhere for this energy to go.
So far the only cure I've found is by reaching a level of intoxication that knocks me out early on. But the aftermath of a night's few drinks puts me off the grid and out of commission entirely for the next day. So... a real cure, it is not. It's more of the "over-the-counter cure at the Drugstore" variety (and we all hate those, because those little side-effects that tag along only make you feel more miserable than you did in the first place). I've also tried cutting back on my nicotine intake, as times before without nicotine have often led me into a deep boredom and slumber without any energy to spare. But that didn't help either. I'm now trying to dissect my brain internally to see if there's some riff-raff going on in there that is causing this commotion, but seeing as how this feels more physical than mental... I'm not sure it's doing me any good. I do recognize that I've recently gone through a great deal of stress and anxiety with my prior hellish living arrangements and all, and that the chip on my shoulder isn't helping me entirely move on from it, but it's not thoughts of past that are keeping me awake. Nor is it thoughts of present or future. I'm actually quite happy with the situation I'm in now. So where on earth is this coming from? For the love of all things holy, where has my beloved sleep gone?!
I hope to find out soon, because all this physical distress is actually now driving me mental.
luiz paulo ferreira 2 years ago
David Tieck 3 years ago
David Tieck 3 years ago
gen.♥ 3 years ago
Ashley Morris 3 years ago
CRATERBLOOM 3 years ago
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the zephaniah chesterfi… 3 years ago
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Noel ... [ SYB ] 3 years ago
10 of 11More..I suggest a break in their activities and look for a calm and quiet place to restore the energy that such a retreat in BRAZIL sort Amazon, the Pantanal of Mato Grosso in the city of Mato Grosso region of Brazil sufeste are places of nature and a splendid peace without boundaries..
On the other hand my insomnia fuels my crazy creative side too and has lead to much awesome writing and painting, so enjoy the benifits!
Holy crap I am so exactly the same as all this. Be careful with the intoxication to sleep, I broke up with a girl like two years ago then didn't sleep at all for 10 days, before getting myself totally slaughtered with alcohol and it started a nasty drinky habit.
Definitely more fun to party hard first!
Your situation makes my mildly strong heachache seem like a poke. But i seriously gotta point out your massive writing skills. Totally descriptive and very vivid. And lets not even mention your usage of passive voice. [I'm such a writing nerd!] I just hope that your extensive writing skills don't manifest into my dreams causing me to dream of being an insomniac.. mm ironic much?
[BTW, good title.. ]
I hear you on that one girl. we are almost the same person lol . here it is 5:03 am and im reading ur blog. live i have nothing better to do, like sleep!!! well im gonna TRY , like always =0/
Hopefully your problem's let up a bit since you wrote this blog. I often find my own dreamland elusive, despite my early schedule. The insufficient "cure" of drinking myself to sleep sucks too. I've always been more of a night person, but really... it's not cool when it affects how I function. Oh well...
did it ever get any better?
i've felt similar things in the past year. effected me too much. to the point of really effing up stuff that i didn't want effed up the way it all turned out.
the deeper parts of me have been working their own ways out of it for awhile. too much began it too late to salvage some important things...hoping to get a better grip before the parts that have tried to pull me out get chucked down the toilet as well...
sleep? i am beginning to forget the true meaning of this beloved word.
hi, i'm zeph, first time caller, long time listener... i couldnt take watching hannah montana anymore so now i'm responding (extremely late) to blogs.. um...
maybe its withdrawl? i cant spell that, but maybe thats it. your body is just adjusting to not having stuff in it anymore. i dont know what my deal is. i've always loved sleep, the feeling is great, but i dont dream so it never feels like i was sleep for more than an hour. but lately (and lately is the past 5 or so years) its been the zombie drone's sleep for me... working graveyard shifts does a wierd thing to you... where you sleep for two hours tops, and that two hours you have to fight for. its to the point where i rarely consider sleep as an option... more like i'll just work and go until i just pass out (or wake up somewhere). the eyes burning, you get used to, its annoying but ya do sometimes. the feet shaking, legs jumping you get used to. the sitting there and knowing you were about to do something but all of a sudden you go blank for a min or 2... well, thats an odd one. not so sure i'm used to that yet. the feeling yourself sink into a chair or bed and you beathe slowly, feel a bit of pressure in your chest, slip off into sleep and wake up litterally 5 mins later and it feels like you slept 2 hours and then your wide awake... even that i've gotten used to. to counter balance all of this' effects on my daily sanity or the illusion of it, i have a guitar, and a few friends in a band, and another host of friends who just like to hangout and talk and drink. sometimes government conspiracies come up, sometimes chicks, sometimes quantumn physics... sometimes you go hiking and drinking, other times you go driving and drinking (not drinking and driving, that's wrong) and sometimes you go biking alone... just feeling the air on your body. watching the sun come up and go down. i guess i'll get a good sleep in when i die. but then again, cartoons never die really.
hope you can get some rest. decent rest. ever read the hagakure? its a neat book by a samurai. he talks about how he loves sleeping, and the older he gets the more time he's gonna devote to sleep. theres a lot of gems in that book. gems, not germs.
--zeph c.
Hi Sweety, take 5mg of melintonin and valerian root (whole herb) 1605 mg(spring valley) and it will help you. Just follow the directions on each bottle. The twitching you might be feeling could be "Restless Leg Syndrome" or RLS which will feel like your whole body at times. Let me know if this helps you. Get it today and try it. Luv ya....MOM
I had that problem that i couldnt sleep too ... its really is a bad thing to have than again I always have been a nocturnal person. Id find things to do like drawing untill i get reallly tired till i need to go to bed. or other things that will eventually knock you out ...
good luck