On Friday I attempted to take my own life, and I didn't do a very good job of it, hence why I can type this now.
All I've managed to do was lose two very good friends of mine, and I hate it.
I've learnt a few things from this, one of them is don't try and overdose. Another is when trying to take your own life don't put a bulletin up saying goodbye. Possibly the most important thing I learnt, is that my friends really do care, they're just shit at showing it usually.
Now why did I try to kill myself, that's the question I keep getting asked. Well there were many reasons why. I was on what seemed like a never ending spiral downwards. I had (and still do) a lot of finacial problems, I'm basically drowning in debt and wotever i throw at various debters is never enough to pull me clear. My health has been what can only be described as terrible of late, with the ongoing heart problems, and this pluericy which is only just shifting after 3 months, and various over problems, I felt as though my body was giving up on me. I also found that whenever I tried to talk to my friends about stuff they were always to busy, maybe I should have been more clear that I needed to talk, but I have to say I was trying to find someone to talk to for over a month. Gets frustrating after a while. Oh the amount of people who have said, yeah I thought you sounded a bit down, but I didn't realise how serious it was. It's also fairly true to say that over the last few years I've noticed that no-one ever calls to say hello, or pops round. I guess people think that because I'm more than likely gonna be out and about at some point, that they'll see me then, have that little bit of passing conv and that's enough. I don't know why, but I need more than that. I need assurance, I need to feel wanted. I guess that sounds pretty emo. Fuck it.