Doris Norris (Miss) - spoons, comb and v. refined luxury toilet paper, gurning, hats, and vocals.
Horace Norris (reluctant brother) - stamping and Tourette's syndrome.
Morris Norris (nephew) - shouting "Get orff my land!"
Boris Norris (grand-nephew) - high flying comedy routines on BB2 quiz shows and MP for Much Fraternising-in-the-Wold.
Cloris Norris - the less said the better!
Etkilendikleri
Jam (preferably gooseberry), the complete works of Nobby Stiles (as translated by Bertrand Russell from the original Norwegian), postal ear-piercing, the Kama Sutra (Slovenian translation), whelks, anyone from Wainfleet and, oh, of course, dripping.
I was first born in 1836 and again in 1917 in the little English hamlet of Much Stradling on the Naze in the woe-begotten county of Lincolnshire. My paternal father, Boetius, was a cheese mechanic and a leading light in the Lincs delta blues scene (the 'track', as you young folk call it, on my site comes from a series of cylinder recordings that he made which were dedicated to a selection of his local friends, though most of these were rodents). My mother ran away from the familial demesne shortly before my birth and I arrived at the Norris manse brown-paper wrapped in a parcel marked 'Return to Zenda'.
Over the years all of my twenty-seven siblings, born in and out of successive wedlocks, fled from Lincolnshire, though several still hold high positions of office in governments as far-flung as Namibia and Ilkeston Town Council. I was left alone to administer the demesne which I transformed into the hugely successful Séamus Tansey Theme Park which I transported back to the family demesne in Sligo when its seemingly eternal success was jeopardised by jobsworths from the Inland Revenue and Health & Safety Executive.
To this day thousands of visitors arrive at Ballyfeckit Hall eager to be abused and vilified by a host of flute-wielding atavists (admission €15; call for opening times; highly recommended by the Buff Guide to Ireland; 'This is the place you really don't have to experience' - Let's Go). Despite my age I'm still voraciously active and have a sex life nonpareil in the county, though I have so far only managed to work my way up to the letter M in the Ireland Northwest telephone directory.
Hello, Doris, and we thank you immensely for adding us to your friends list. I, actually, come somewhere between Horace and Norris. My husband is much better behaved. Thanks again, Vonnie from Two Bits.
Dear Lady - 'tis your old friend and drinking partner, Bob, here. It's been too long since you provided your admirer with an update in the Blog department. Is it the case that you are a fugitive, at large, hiding from the bearers of outstanding warrants, summonses and demands for payment? The blighters! If so then, for God's sake, don't mention my name. I've never heard of you and (you quote me on this) 'I did not have sex with that woman!' Get off your sit-upon and do write soon, my dear dear Doris.
'TRIPPING IN THE COUNTRY' 'Avant-Country Cosmic Twang and Boozy Blues for Cowboys and Spacegirls' at Bardens Boudoir. Wednesday 13th June 2007 8pm-late £5
Live acts include:
The Family: Southamptons finest Swaggering, Bourbon-drenched, Cosmic-Country for bow-legged women. Bedlam beckons! www.myspace.com/thefamilyonline
+The Brick Lane Boogie Boys: The East Ends Premier Hillbilly Rockers fresh from their session on BBC London's Robert Elm's show purvey Blistering Country in the spirit of Johnny Cash + 'Raw Boogie Woogie' & Authentic Hill/Rockabilly! www.myspace.com/bricklaneboogieboys
+ Vulnerable Things: Dark, menacing, trippy Swamp-blues from the streets of North London. www.myspace.com/vulnerablethings
+Guest Djs The Bear Family (Fabulous Penetrators/Saturday Night Beaver): The best in Obscure Rock 'N' Roll Country and quite frankly the best Rock 'N' Roll djs in London/the cosmos??? www.myspace.com/thebearfamily
+ Spooky Lady's Sideshow spins Outlaw Renegade Country www.myspace.com/missline
+Bonanza Dj set (ResonanceFM): Avant-Country and Post-Cowgirl Blues. www.myspace.com/bonanzablues
Dear, dear Doris,
May I be the first to welcome you back from the depths of Limerick. Did you manage to attain a degree in any of the fabulous world music courses on offer down there?
Well, I'm sure it will be wonderful to get back to the real world at last!
I remain as ever,
Ronan
Madame Norris. You MUST resolve your legal situation by September! THE social event of this season's calendar is sure to be the wedding of Shane MacGowan, one of Ireland's greatest songwriters (and, I believe, a recent traveling companion of yours) to his paramour of many years: Miss Victoria Clarke (described in the Irish Post as a mere journalist, but those of us who have read her haunting "Angel in Disguise" think the term doesn't do her writings justice).
Allow me to quote a bit from The Irish Post's website:
The wedding of the year is set for September and although the couple wouldn't confirm exactly where rumours abound that the exquisite Kinnity Castle in Co. Offaly might just be the spot. No doubt fellow hellraiser Pete Doherty and his girlfriend Kate Moss are high on the ever-increasing celebrity guest list.
It would be unthinkable for you to miss this momentous occasion. Do accept the idea I've offered for a concert to raise awareness of your plight amongst the far-flung musical community you've served so selflessly, and, upon confirmation, I'll immediately contact my musically talented colleagues in Stornoway (and the Guireans as well!).
Yours in anticipation,
Lee Templeton
EVPM, North America
Plook Records
"From Sandwick to Stornoway...and all stops in between."
Madame, it was with great concern that I read of your recent difficulties with the law in Limerick. Most distressing!
May I humbly offer my own thoughts of support as well as a suggestion for your consideration? If the situation should result in a long legal bill of accounting (Your esteemed lawyer is no doubt worth every penny...), perhaps the musical community that you have so long and selflessly supported can come together for a benefit concert to raise awareness of your plight and funds for your purse?
I confess that I'm not entirely without motive in this suggestion -- and be assured that I would place myself at your complete service in terms of PR, MySpace bulletins, whatnot -- but, as Executive Vice President of Marketing, North America, Plook Records (Sandwick, Isle of Lewis) I am in a position to offer the services of a renowned band of gifted Scottish musicians who would lend the event a pan-Celtic sort of tone that American folk-magazines love to gush on about.
Take a moment to visit their MySpace page (if the Limerick gaol has provided Internet access that is):
Hello Doris,
For someone with a hat like that you seem to possess more than a passing interest in some trad musicians.It would be great for storing old Coleman 98s. Is it a red or green
The Mayoman
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Online!
