Shaun Oneil is the guitarist. He sings things well and is funny. His commitment to the band is laughable and is the odds-on favorite to fuck the most groupies/contract the most HIV out of everyone in the band. Although his guitar skills are above and beyond the skills of the rest of the band, his propensity for untimely sleep and insatiable appetite for inconvenient bouts of mass destruction keep him largely out of the picture. He has a band practice on-base percentage of .000 and is otherwise personally unpleasant.
Evan Mulgrave plays guitar, too. He sings, but not very well. As you may have well noticed, he makes up for a lack of tonal expertise with expansive and riotous song breakdowns that dive headfirst into the realm of the unlistenable. He is in fact the sole comedic inspiration for all of Dreamhouse Jetpilot’s new work, unfortunately. Evan’s recorded work is in fact no match for his famously upbeat and well-regarded live performances. His lyrics are often funny, although his family background, including a violently abusive stepfather and registered-sex-offended uncle, is very likely to derail his already lackluster music career.
Jim Conley is the drummer. He writes lyrics that focus too much on irony and clever situations, failing to be the least bit funny. This is in fact the reason why his contributions to Dreamhouse Jetpilot include...
1. Naming the band, and
2. Maintaining the band’s MySpace page
Jim’s drums are often seen as a nuisance in an outfit where accoustic guitar is really all you need. He is also personally unpleasant. If the band hits it big and is able to afford recording space, he will almost certainly be physically removed and banned from the band’s new premises.
Nick Funyak spends practice sessions screaming obscenities at other bandmembers and attempting to eat his amplifier.
Influences
Dreamhouse Jetpilot is completely original. No one has ever done this before.
Formerly Colin Powell & The Revolution Deathsquad, Dreamhouse Jetpilot is the most highly unmotivated and fantastically underachieving rock/comedy band since Axel Rose last attempted something or other with his dreads. Basing their lyrics on fictional true life experiences and other successful bands that they want to copy, the guys have yet to achieve an audience. Back in 2002, guitarist Evan Mulgrave and drummer James Conley began jamming in the Conley basement with former outfit Van Haldie. After 4 years of playing together, the two collected nearly 11 jam sessions and no legitimate songs. Singer/guitarist Shaun Oneil was brought into the mix as a ringer in 2005, promising metal guitar chops that were useless to a band who writes songs about decrepit celebrities. The band was three quarters of the way to striking out on the road to failure. As part of a dominating and unforseen High School Talent Show victory with Greatest Band Ever, bassist Nick Funyak was brought in to fill the bass vacancy early this year. Since the completion of Dreamhouse Jetpilot early in 2007, the band has collected one gig and produced several songs that are as much a credit to the guys’ lack of committment as the creative powers of alcohol. When you have so much shit to go around, its hard to keep it all under one umbrella. Here’s a partial list of every name the band adopted in their two years of work: Dreamhouse Jetpilot, Colin Powell & the Revolution Deathsquad, Jimmy C’s Thundercans, Orange Julius, The Bottom Six, Standing 69, Simply Biff, Iron Acid & the Pulpy Chunk, Glenson Falls, The Banana Filled Tailpipes, Cecil Peoples & the Unanimous Decisions, Killebrew, Flanders’ Ghost, and so on. Finally settling on a name, and realizing that its much easier to write shitty lyrics that people kind of enjoy at parties, the band no longer pursues legitimate songwriting, choosing instead to plagiarize Tenacious D and each other for all they are worth. Dreamhouse Jetpilot is garbage.
