When well known musical wunderkind Nikolai 'Bug' Clark, first decided to desert the field of competitive hot air ballooning to pursue a career as a Guitar God, the distinguished gentlemen of the Ponsonby Monocle Wearers' Club met his decision with derision, and much shaking of jowls.
Wentworth 'Cubby' Foxington-Smythe was heard to comment that "If God had intended man to rock balls, He would have seen fit to give us amplifiers in our testicles!"; but his lack of foresight would be his downfall, as young Master Clark had been blessed with the drive of 5 men, and the genitalia of ten.
The first to join his merry band was a strapping young coxswain by the name of Andy 'Reginald' McAndison, drummer and part time pugilist, a plucky young scamp; his hobbies included frequenting opium dens and sticking it to the Hun and his poxy pal Johnny Turk. Stitch the bounders up Andy!
Next to join the Daring duo was the Casanova of Coddington-Upon-Shaklesby, the darting digit dandy, Marc Andre Monten. Bored of bedding every betty from Bedford to Brackenshire, our boyish braggart became bound by blood to bring booming bass to the burgeoning bludgeon of metallic cudgeon that Nikolai was engineering. And so, with the incessant sobbing of half the female population echoing in his ears, Marc Andre joined our team of likely lads. God bless and keep him!
It was at this moment our three chums, sailing through the perilous straits of Doom Island, heard a most wonderous and remarkable sound; a forlorn timbre that struck them to the core of their saxon bones. Narrowly avoiding crashing their stout vessel into the craggy bluff, our three intrepid aural explorers came ashore in hopes to find the source of this Homer-esque modern day siren; and bless the home office if it weren't a man, and not some absinthe fueled auditory mirage! John 'John' McJohnsonjohn, a sailor in her majestys' navy, stranded on the coast with nary a scrap of food or water. Taking pity on this deserted seacow, our boys took him onboard; after all, with a voice like that, what a minstrel he'd make! And so they three became four; but could they find one more?
As the harvest moon reached its' zenith, our lads found themselves once more back in the sweet keening embrace of Mother Albion, and only one obstacle lay before them; the devilish wasteland of Cape Karangahape, home to abominable threats beyond the ken of four honest christian englishmen. Taking shelter from the howling winds and rain in a deserted cave, our chums were awoken by a rasping gravel the likes on which no man had heard this side of Royston Vasey. Little did they know they had inadvertedly stumbled upon the resting place of the fearsome Zomboy666, a highwayman damned by God himself for the slaughter of numerous small, cuddly animals. As he lurched toward our plucky pals, murder on his lips and shite beneath his nails, young Nikolai was hit by the muse; and in his fit of inspiration he drew forth a can of Binky Hernploughs' Good Man Lager, a cheeky wee drop, known for its' peculiar strength and uncommon ability to inebriate small mountains.
Drinking down the heady brew, the foul beast beamed sunnily and embraced our four as an old friend. Heady hops had soothed the savage beast.
Fetching his battered instrument, and grabbing his guitar from its resting place in the chest of a goodly sized fur seal, the unsightly grotesque made to join our heroes...unsure at first, Nikolais' mind was changed when the beast stuck a mighty chord on his electric lute, and the bass heavy distortion rumbled the very mountain to ground!
"At last" Thought Nikolai, as he strode off with his new chums to find their fortune, "my merry band is complete! What dangers may we face togather? And what treasure may we find? Only time will tell; and time is on the side of Queen and Country!"
It was at that point they all died, quite horribly.
cooool bro. would you mind sending me an email with details, all artists playing, run sheet etc. planning on in-house sound for the night? looking forward to it heaps! x
Hey... Finished mixing down the debut CD and it will be ready for January of 2010, however I will have posted some new tunes. Check em out. Let me know what ya think. Hit me up anytime. ~The Colombian Ga-Ga Diaper Dealer~
