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Once upon a time, there was an acoustic guitar called Harold. Harold was quite the world traveler: he had been to both Canada and Mexico. But he really wanted to go to England, but as per the usual when it comes to acoustic guitars, Harold had no funds whatsoever, for he spent them all on Hot Wheels and Micro Machines. But Harold was determined to go to England. He was so determined that he woke up one morning and had sprouted wings! Once Harold worked out all of the kinks involved with flying, he hopped out his window and took flight. Unfortunately, Harold had poor navigational skills and ended up in India. But while he was in India, he took up Hinduism, so that's pretty cool. And fortunately for him, he just happened to run into that chick from Bend it Like Beckham, and she showed him how to get to England: "Second star to the right, and straight on 'til morning!" she said. But then Harold ended up in Neverland, so he went back to India and found the chick from Bend it Like Beckham and beat her over the head. She apologized and said that she meant second to the left. And so Harold was off yet again!
Harold finally landed in England some eighteen days later in a drunken haze (he decided to take a pitstop in Amsterdam like all good college students). In fact, he wasn't even quite sure where in England he was, but he knew that's where he was because everything smelled old and because he had landed in a field full of sheep.
Harold decided that his best bet to get to his final destination (Leeds) would be to take the train as that is the typical mode of transportation for the peoples of Europe. Unfortunately, Harold had naught to his name, thus he could not purchase a train ticket. So he decided to hop the train instead and pray to Vishnu that he would not get caught. But Harold should've thought harder about which God he was going to pray to.
Just two stops before arriving at Leeds, Harold was asked for his ticket, but as you and I both know, he had no ticket to provide, nor did he have any money to purchase a ticket. Harold was to be thrown off the train at the next stop and handed over to the authorities. But Harold's luck was turning around: a cute mandolin called Henrietta provided Harold with the necessary pounds and pence for the train ticket.
Later that night at Henrietta's flat in Leeds, the two of them had quite a bit of raunchy sex, and nine months later, they bore their only child; his names was Horatio, and he was destined to be the greatest cosmetologist in the whole universe, and was the first person to ever achieve a Doctorate's in cosmetology. But there was just one problem: no one trusted Dr. Horatio with their hair as his hair was not the prettiest site. So Dr. Horatio learned to play the Harmonica, and the rest is history.
p.s. visit cff.org and donate some money because we do too (30% of our profit, actually), thus it's the cool thing to do.
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