Americana
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My fellow yachties and friends--- I have dish and well...narcissism.
Female
102 years old
FORT LAUDERDALE, Flevoland
United States
Last Login: 5/6/2009
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Americana's Interests
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| General | moving up while helping others. no seriously. | | Music | Duran Duran [what, they're still hot!] Chevelle, Pixies, Gwen, Le Tigre, Gnarls, my man, Radio Head off the top of my head. | | Movies | anything with Chevy Chase or Gene Hackman...or Goldie Hawn | | Television | all entire ABC shows except Grey's Anatomy and Lost. Bill Maher, Rome. | | Books | Bluest Eye, Catcher and The Rye..New York Post...Cosmo. | | Heroes | George Washington and Co..after all, we won. Ha! |
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Americana's Details
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| Status: | Single | | Orientation: | Straight | | Zodiac Sign: | Virgo | | Smoke / Drink: | No / No | | Children: | Someday | | Education: | Post grad | | Income: | $30,000 to $45,000 |
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Americana's Latest Blog Entry
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Get a load of this shiznit.
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at the Lincoln
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In Antibes with Joy and a Captain
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Going to the Med
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Just another day of sexual harassment and ranting about it.
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Americana's Blurbs |
About me:
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Ever since I graced [crashed] the decks of the Rev and eh, Blue Green, I've learned some pretty-hefty lessons about being a stew, a day worker, or even a crew house mate [ like not eating some Aussie guy's steaks as a joke..only to seriously piss him and MARY off...even if it was some other girl's idea...okay, mine ]. For me, it's been a matter of learning to keep my pride and my attitude to a minimum, even when facing adversity of what ever has come my way. Sometimes, these lessons have come hard, perhaps because I didn't expect them.
Nonetheless, we can all learn from adversity and realize what we can do to change for the better in order to "placate" a bad situation from becoming worse while moving along...like what The American Rejects say! Yeah!
After having worked on these two particular yachts in recent months, which was in the form of day work and..eh, freelance, I've learned a lot about the necessity of getting along with all crew members as much as possible even if some talk bad about Americans in front of me. Even when not saying much-yet-with a hint of a negative attitude towards another crew member, can be hazardous to your health and everyone else's. I'm sure many of us yachties, whether we're rookies or advanced, have had to find better ways of curbing our own selfish, tenacious, and narcissistic pride from getting in the way of others' selfish, tenacious, and narcissistic pride while keeping it professional.
All in all, we all know that we all gotta get along and focus on gettin' her done.
Whattya say, fellow yachties.. South Africans..whattya say! Are we in? Me, no? Well then go back to South Africa and try to find a job there, pal!
If you were filthy, stinky, skanky, silly, stupid rich, what would your yacht be called and what would it look like?
I'll start off. Although I haven't seen many yachts that are very attractive and distinctive as far as mega or giga yachts go ... m/y Reverie or Annaliesse or Alpha Nero come to mind...but they're aren't so attractive compared to what I imagine.
1st Idea, Name:
I would have a granule gold/tan shade hull, triple decker, 50 ft beam, 260ish ft in length. I'd call it "Nice Try" as way to stick it to the nasty crew industry and crew agents. Yeah, take that [S]crew industry as I'm singin on some MTV vid while I'm up on my prized yacht, M/Y NICE TRY in gold lettering, but sort of in a bold and in that "Nice and Easy" font from the hair color brand. Oh yeah! Kinda tacky, but it'll do the job with respect to my "theme".
2nd Idea, Name:
This would be for thee largest yacht known to humans. Well, maybe slighter bigger than m/y Eclipse...but way more regal. I would not have some trumped up [as on Eclipse] heli-pad on any of "my" yachts, since yacht heli-pads should basically be internationaly banned, and since it just obnoxious and narcissistic to casually have stuff like that on a small confined structure. However, in case there had to be an emergency landing, I would have room around the hull of the yacht for a make shift emergency heli-pad in order to provide aide to someone who was sick or if the boat was sinking and people needed to be rescued... you get what I'm saying.
Anyway, this yacht's hull would be the color blue from the American flag, the teak would have black STARS lined throughout. It would AT LEAST be quad decked, wide beamed, and white aound the inner exterior. The flag of course would be US..ahem PAUL ALLEN...LARRaY, PayTE.
I would hire a good [NOT just ANGLO] mix of crew because that is the American way...unlike "some people's" way. The interior would be lined with dark maple or pecan wood with a little varnish, walls outlined with portraits of US presidents, white/beige carpet, dark blue walls in the salons. I would call this m/y Constitution.
So if anyone, I dunno... say LARRY ELLISON, would want hit a crazy, angry, American gal up for more ideas, baby gimme a shout.
Holla! I expect a percentage of profits. But I can work with you.
By the way, I'm copying this print to my email. Please do not attempt to steal my brilliant and ideological...idea, because you'll be looking at one sue-happy American. Ya dig? Booya!!
Not so SOS: Update, 08.21.07
I'm finishing up on a freelance in Rome. The worst yacht in the history of private yachts. Crew was pretty nice, but the owner is Satan. An extreme narcissist who is from the states, big surprise there, and who actually smiles when he's yelling at anyone and everyone.
03.05.07
Just got back from a 10 day freelance. I was asked to join them in late March..but I seriously doubt it. Nice owners and guests, and I was tipped a lot more than my wages. Half of the crew were pretty cool. The captain and chef were pretty wishy washy and unprofessional..they all were at times..but whoa, these two were pretty lame to put it mildly.
I got kind of grossed out when the captain was giving me white wine as soon as I met him. So grossed out that I drank half the bottle. The last [big] night of the trip, he freaked out since we were out of swizzle sticks..and diet coke, "God damm'et...wher'd hell they at?". Next morning, his usual..whispery..."Hey gal, how aarrreee yewww?"
The chef was even more obnoxious---both are in their fifties, sixties mind ya. One day, the chef freaked out when he ordered the wrong meats. First he was all like, "Ay Deb what's up?" And the next second, after he walked up to the fridge, he was *actually* crying and whining, "Oh God, why am I stupid...God why..why did this have to happened to me..I mean, why God?" I'm embarrassed to admit that I was with an all American crew. But I got close to two grand in tips from the deal! Woo hoo!
Update: 03.11.07
I was at Crew Network the other day and over heard an older American recruiter talking to a younger American recruiter who was taking phones, "I have this American guy for the job, but you know how Americans are..they just don't do well with internationals......I just don't have a good enough pool of second stews out there...they're just not out there."
Pretty lame [as well as discriminating] from an American recruiter if you ask me.
Update 04.08.07:
Got back from a gig in Nassau. I think I'm just going to give up on hoping for a 100 percent nice gig..just to jinx my new low expectations.
This was a pretty busy stew position, kids and four adults that ate at different times--three square meals a day. I think I did fairly well..but I could have done better. Once or twice or maybe..three times [a charm], I was unable to light the candles, pour the red wine, get more coctails, and water at the same time...right before the split-milli-second the adults were to sit down at the table. I mean, after all, yacht owners pay good money for PERFECT timing, people. That and I forgot Mr. Mr's cranberry juice one breakfast...damn, a -3 already! LOSER AM I.
Good news: Son in law was the mac daddy of normal and actually had a very rare type of sensibility, called a Sense of Humor. Nice and amusing guy who does both Borat and Clinton impressions...and he looks like Clinton too. And honest to goodness, I can't believe the daughter of the owner was so normal and sweet, seemed like a very good mom to her three girls. The owner and the wife was a little on the zero personality side, as Slim Shady [captain] said, "Zero personality...thinks she's in a soap opera". By the way, I'll just say some crew members could have been more punctual and um, less wishy washy..with a sense of humor. This captain is from South Africa yet has denied he's from there...me and the son in law were ragging on South Africans to be funny [and somewhat truthful :)], Captain CockHead: "You're barking up the wrong tree, I was raised in SA, but I'm English....[talking to the son in law] I swear I'm going to kick her ass off this boat the next time she mentions SA, fucking Christ." He also said that all Dutch are ignorant racists who talk "lyke deez ..yew knoh, lyke I'm on a beeg yat now"
kind of like the CAPTAIN from South Africa.
...no joke.
The chef was a total nightmare. A female Mr. Bean with attitude and such scrutiny with every single meal she served...because you gotta be a competive bitch like that when you're unattractive and not having sex for the past 46 years. Ouch was that a bit too judgemental? [cue Merv Albert] Y'yes!!
The first day when I met the chef and provisioned with her, she bitched at a cashier with her arms up in the air yelping, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BREAD? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MY GOD, YOU KNOW-- I'VE BEEN SHOPPING FOR TWO HOURS [thirty min tops] HERE". The second day she told me to "move out of the way" when I was pouring the girls' Juicy Juices while already second guessing much of my chores since she must have thought she was both a chef ..without a formal degree but with plenty of Martha Stewart recipes under her belt.
I come to every gig with a bright out look, only because I'm stupid. The job itself is not that challenging...it's only some of the people you meet and work with that can suck the life out of you. Me and one first mate from Australia discussed this subject matter for about four hours at Starbucks today...while downing coffee and smoking a couple of packs of cigarettes.
Perhaps, I'm being punished for having stuff like this published in the Triton. Did I mention the chef looks like a frightening Mr. Bean who under cooked her rack of lamb..and had it sent back by the owners and guests twice?
Ha ha! The talentless jerk.
Update 04.09.97
I was unable to cash my check from Mr. Mr's bank since the SAME bank is OUT OF STATE. Today is the third time I've had to contact Captain CockHead or as another crazy, sick, twisted, and audacious woman called him, "Captain Chaos"...I like "Captain Loser" better.
After spending several minutes--sheepishly talking to this clown on my cell,
"But Captain, I don't think I should have to lose money cashing this check at a check cashing store, I thought we were all suppose to get-- [cash] "Fuckeeng Christ _____ [cue SA accent] yur giving meee a head ache...this is nawt my proe-blem...what is wrong with Yur bank...and stop calleeeng meee Captain for the lest time, ______, I swear I will [you will what??? ##@!!]...I've already told you not to call me that..I think you kept saying that when you were drinking...fuck, now I have to beg the owner to issue yew another foam of payment....go ahead and tell on me to Crew ______"
While he was spewing over his issues with MMS, I was perfectly calm...and numb.
"I've never complained about you Cap'er, eh, Graham [doh!]...I don't expect you to be responsible [as if] for how money is owed to me [Captain Wenis cuts in and says, "No I'm nawt responsible...I could have taken taxes out as well."]...but um, I don't think I should have to cash this check at a check cashing center and lose hundreds of dollars since my bank is out of state....that's all I'm trying to say, I'm not upset, I'm just concerned about this since I have to pay rent today."
Calls back in about twenty minutes right as I'm begging Northern Trust to cash this whopping out of state-- NORTHERN TRUST-- check. "Hay luv, okay, the boss will send cash to meee and I will give you the cash for the check..no problem, love...I'm sorry for the rudeness...bla bla."
Look out Med here I come!
Update: April 25, 2007. I think my low expectations have finally paid off. I was a second stew on a 120 Benetti. Gotta say, that over all, it was a very nice gig. Could not have met a cooler stewardess or captain..perhaps it's because they're a couple and they can make whoopie. The guy's even South African--double wow. I feel blessed. Nice guests and that's been pretty usual for me anyway. I went snorkeling in Peter Island with the guests. Saw St. Croix and Thomas. Down side, the chef's cooking [steak, steak, grease, grease...Aussie of course]and 150 per day. I will never accept anything less than 175 again, I didn't realize how much money I lost for that rate. Nice crew over all. Special thanks to my "reverse psychology" and luck.
Update 05.08.07
Just got back from a delivery of a motor vessel to Long Island, nice trip over all. Got a tip that's always good. I bought over priced 24kt gold like a jackass as gold is up 680 an ounce. Maybe Westerners are finally realizing that high karat is the shiznit and 14 kt is just shiz.
I am going to have a big talk with my pal "Kay" as to WHY she referred this captain to me. She's lucky she's in ATL right now visiting her dad. The woman told me AFTER I got on the boat that the captain was "a little creepy" and that he said he was looking for a "possible" relationship. Yeah, thanks Kay!
Now try to visualize Buffalo Bob from Silence of the Lambs with his hands dangling as he walks.. and eh, Kevin Costner...and being an obnoxiously negative individual over every question or advice anyone including the owners would ask this guy. "The fuck do I know...man [Chip, the owner] the fuck do you have down in here [locker] get rid of this shit...you do not need it!" Again, the captain is talking to the owner...which by the way, the owner is a full fledged New Yorker who looks like he wouldn't take shit from anyone especially Captain DooHickeyDoo Doo. And he's American. How embarassing.
First night I was on the boat, "Yeahup, those beds are gonna be too small for ya, the OTHER stews kept falling off...you can bunk with me if you want, [in the Master ONE bed cabin]. Azzz if, pal. I shiest you not...this guy is beyond your average whack Captain.
I'm surprised I didn't get yelled at or strangled after temporarily losing a fender in the water when coming into port in Charleston. Ooopsy. I'm still wondering if it's over the rail or under the rail when tying a half hitch. What am I a deck hand? I said I've had "some" line handling experience as in throwing the line to people on the dock. On the last day as he was driving me two hours to Ft. Pierce [after three hours in the air]...this was where I initially had to drive over to meet this guy even though he had a car to pick me up in. So anyway, this clown asked me if I knew the number for the crew house that I was staying at so he can book a room for himself...I said I didn't have the number right as I pulled out my keys for my car which had a keychain with the crew house's info on it. Whew!
Update 05.25.05
I'm flying for a freelance to Cat Key. I will be leaving from the Jet Center of Lauderdale in a very tiny plane. Anyone who reads this, even if you don't know me...like me.. please spare a few seconds in praying that I live through it. I'm deathly afraid of flying..especially anything having less than two engines.
Enjoyed the read so far? I'll be posting more yacht dish on my blog. It's also the link up top! Currently, I'm doing a little research on international insurance agencies and thier policy with respect to covering Americans who work on yachts, particularly megayachts. An editor is doing the same, hopefully with her help we can find some clear information on whether American are really having issues with being insured...or whether it's more an excuse for international crew not to hire Americans. Ya think?
Check out Dweebisis!
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Who I'd like to meet:
more yachties with a sense of humor, old friends...and hot, sweaty men.
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