Armand Assante's Left Ventricle

About me:

Writing, Living, getting to know geniusly disingenuous genuine geniuses, pretending I can speak Spanish, pretending I'm British to complete strangers, pretending I'm strange to complete normals, Video Games, deviant thought, late nights, warm embraces, cold shoulders, deep reverie, superficial revenants, popping balloons, stopping baboons, copping dubloons, mindplunder, emotional heresy, blasphemic flatulence, poking fun, poking eyes, poking pussies, poking parents, poking pokers, pretending I'm Indian to people who already know me, pretending I'm a robot intermittently, but only the kind of robot that says nothing but, "I am a robot.", killing time, killing mimes, killing Vimes, flipping rhymes, masturbating, masthimbating, cuntery, frippery, fuckery, suckery, twattery, shittery, tittery, pissery, more cuntery, preening, primping, bitter thinking, sweet drinking, water, macaroni & cheese, women, their minds, bodies, souls, lips&eyes&noses, legs&feet&toeses, boobs&butts&knees, arms&ears&bellies, stomping in puddles, wishing I knew the magic that makes the world look away, dreaming, creaming, steaming, and loads of other things.

There is NO good reason why gay people shouldn't be allowed to get married. I think they have the same right to be miserable that straight people do. There is no reason why women should not have EXACTLY the same rights as men do. I've met more than my share of men, myself included, who are emotional basketcases just like most women. Just kidding. But only about most women being emotional basketcases. I really wish black people and others who live in the ghetto would stop throwing all their money back to the white man by buying the cars and the jewelry he makes. I understand the desire to want things you never had, but you can't buy respect from Tommy Hilfiger.

I enjoy being singularly unique and multitudinally common. I am all you know and all you don't, all you never knew and all you will. I am dichotomy and unity and all you hate and all you love. I am all and nothing. I am most likely certifiably insane, as well as the sanest person on this planet. Every ounce of what most people deem laziness in me is simply my refusal to participate in a system that kills people daily. I don't pay my electrical bill because I feel my money is better spent elsewhere and electricity is a necessity, so it should be free. In that aspect, I am quite self-destructive, as the system will continue on without me in it. Instead, it is generally MY system that breaks down first. I am both the quickest and slowest person I know. Hate me, love me, it's all the same as long as you acknowledge me. Fuck you, fuck me, and fuck everything between and beyond.

PLEASE introduce yourself before sending me a friend request, or I will deny that shit and tell everyone you know that you're a smelly whore with ugly, warty feet.

I'm not good at all that bullshit smalltalk, initial-stage, getting-to-know-you shit. I make deep connections with people and can't stand someone who can't be honest with themselves. I love to meet new people and learn all about them and their experiences, and most of all, I hate you.

I'm also currently a 75-year-old transgendered wombat from Antarctic waters. I migrated here to make sweet love to all the ladies and imbibe massive quantities of gatorade mixed with carbonated leprechaun semen, and I plan to get into cocaine in a few years.

I am a storyteller. That doesn't mean I will make up stories about myself or anyone else, although I certainly could. I live for the stories of people and their lives. We've all got a story, but a lot of us don't tell them properly and turn them into overwrought Lifetime tearjerkers. I will always give you the truth, as that is my passion. You may not like it at all, and I am absolutely certain most people will be put off by it. I speak my mind, as filthy or as pure as it may be. That means that when you decide to know me, you get the whole fucking package. I am human. Sometimes I am whiny, sometimes I am overbearing, and sometimes I am extremely challenging. I pick my nose, I fart, I jerk off, and I take long, beautiful shits where I do my best reading and thinking. I take long, hot showers instead of drinking coffee, and sometimes I feel like everyone hates me. Sometimes I feel like everyone loves me and sometimes I feel like everyone SHOULD love me. If you say something I disagree with, I am going to challenge you and I fully expect you to do the same. I'm a hopeless romantic and a barbarian at heart. What that means, I don't know, but I know that as much as I wish I were a devil-may-care ladies' man, I'm really rather milquetoast.

I'm human, and I like being human. That means I have my ups and downs and every fucking thing in between, so if you can't handle someone who challenges you, someone who is not anywhere near perfect and is relatively happy that way, then you can go the fuck away. Stop reading this profile, go be disgusted, go be grossed out, turned off, disillusioned, uncomfortable, and anything else human actions make you feel, just go away. We are all human and I am perfectly willing to admit as much. I do human things and I am FAR from afraid to admit them. If you've got a problem with any of that, then it's high time you got the fuck up outta my face. You don't deserve to know me if you can't handle everything I offer, including the unattractive things.

"An honest man is not one who never lies, for such a thing does not exist. An honest man is one who can say, 'Yes, I am a liar.'" - Some Asshole
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