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EricZombie's Blog

Bein' Real, Yo.

When I came back to town for our friend's funeral, I found it strange that you went out of your way to tell me that you'd let me crash on the couch, except your girlfriend doesn't like me. Stranger still, I never asked for your help. Why would she hate me? She and I used to be pretty good friends. When you finally allowed me talk to her, she told me she felt that I “have the wrong impression” of her. Where would she get an idea like that? When you two were first dating, you were absolutely certain she was cheating on you. You called her a slut, and begged me for an affirmation of your suspicions. I finally told you that, yes, she does have a healthy sex drive, but not to accuse her of cheating unless you had something to back it up. I wonder if you contorted my words so that you were the heroic “white knight”, and I was the one calling her a slut. I wonder if that's also why she stopped watching my treasured photo album while I was away.
You insist that you're “real” and I'm fake. You claim that your relationship with your girlfriend is stable because you're honest with her. Let's see...
You admitted to smoking crack with two girls, but did you tell her that you smoked crack in front of me while cleaning up after our dead friend? Did you tell her that you admitted to stealing the snowboards from the landlady's grandson, and promised you'd pay him back? Does she know that you were hitting on the upstairs neighbor? I bet you told her it was the other way around. Does she know that you bragged about fucking a girl in the gas station bathroom for a line of coke? Does she know you and our mutual dead friend fucked a girl while I was in Chicago? You loudly proclaim that all women are sluts, that every woman has a price. You assert that when a woman catches an STD, it's entirely her fault. If anyone around here has a bad impression of women, buddy, it's you. You pretend you're honest by admitting to a few sins. When your bullshit is exposed, you go into PR overdrive. You weave a good story, I admit. Your girlfriend certainly seems convinced. If she only knew how much of a lying, cheating douche-nozzle you've become, she'd dump your ass in a second.
Just being real, yo.

Comments

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  • Violet Iris Amplifier

    Ericcccc...I am obligated to comment all of your blogs because they're awesome and never fail to put a smile on my face. ? Keep up the fucking satire. :D

    3 years ago
  • Ms Anthropistic

    ..whomever this dude is, he's a real piece of shit and you don't need him as a friend anyways. No not all women are sluts, WE ARE ALL SLUTS!!!

    3 years ago

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