Bein' Real, Yo.
You insist that you're “real” and I'm fake. You claim that your relationship with your girlfriend is stable because you're honest with her. Let's see...
You admitted to smoking crack with two girls, but did you tell her that you smoked crack in front of me while cleaning up after our dead friend? Did you tell her that you admitted to stealing the snowboards from the landlady's grandson, and promised you'd pay him back? Does she know that you were hitting on the upstairs neighbor? I bet you told her it was the other way around. Does she know that you bragged about fucking a girl in the gas station bathroom for a line of coke? Does she know you and our mutual dead friend fucked a girl while I was in Chicago? You loudly proclaim that all women are sluts, that every woman has a price. You assert that when a woman catches an STD, it's entirely her fault. If anyone around here has a bad impression of women, buddy, it's you. You pretend you're honest by admitting to a few sins. When your bullshit is exposed, you go into PR overdrive. You weave a good story, I admit. Your girlfriend certainly seems convinced. If she only knew how much of a lying, cheating douche-nozzle you've become, she'd dump your ass in a second.
Just being real, yo.