Esme Anne.

As all of my dear friends married, I could only wallow in my loneliness and self-doubt. I felt considerably empty, considering I have ceased to capture any one male’s attention. Was I undesirable? I had considered such as the cause of my desperation.

But of course, I was happy for their engagements, and I always attended their weddings, for such is what a good friend would do, after all. I tried not to let the bitterness brewing inside of me rise to the surface, where it could have very well taken over. My despair was temporary, I prayed. I kept my emotions under control. Jealousy has become my constant companion. It became a part of me.

How I regret that decision even to this day, as he abused me behind closed doors. I dared not leak word of Charles’ fierce tempter, for I did not wish to stir any more trouble than I was already causing. I was raised to be a “good wife” and that I needed to “keep my mouth shut.” And so I did, wanting to make my father proud of my efforts of being a decent wife. I know that Charles had a past that explained his hate and anger but he was taking his anger out on the one person who cared. Reluctantly, relief overwhelmed me as the monster was drafted to fight in World War I. I thanked God each and every day for the new found peace He had brought into my life. I could not have been happier; but, all of my dreams were crushed at his return in 1919. My heart sank in my chest, as the routine strikes continued on where they had left off. I can remember not knowing how much longer I could last living in this violent relationship. I did my best to stand strong and hold my ground, despite the constant beatings. I had sworn my heart to the very man I dare say I wished dead. I was violated and have brought disgrace on my family’s name.

Needless to say, I found nothing left to live for. I wasn’t granted a happy marriage. I was refused the child I had been longing for. I was so entirely distraught that I decided my time of death without the consent of anyone on the outside world. I came to the conclusion that I would be better off dead, for only more hardships would find their way into my life, depriving me of happiness. I flung myself off of a cliff to the ragged earth below — a quick and painless passing. Or so I thought... Surprisingly, I awoke with a new found life. Never again did I expect to see that dazzling face from my childhood.

Ever since the death of my child, there has since been this maternal ache that needs to be quenched. So, as a result of being physically older than the rest of my “family,” my maternal instincts took over, as I am now the mother figure of our happy family. I continuously watch out for them and tend to every need they may have. They are my life and my world. I will sacrifice everything for their happiness. All of my so called "children" bring something special to our family. Alice and her ability to see things before they happen, Edward with his gift of being able to read minds, Emmett with his strength and older brother love, Jasper with his way of being about to calm a room or get them rallied up together and Rose with her enthralling beauty that no one can compare too. All different but I love them all very much equally. They are apart of me and I think of them like my own. Carlisle, my passionate husband, is my life. I love him dearly and no other being on this world can compare to what love I have for him.

I carry your heart
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear ;and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

As I mentioned, it was a day like any other. Though, however, when my dear Edward arrived home earlier than his schedule recommended, I knew immediately that something had gone terribly awry. Well, I suppose his arrival didn’t have to necessarily signify something erroneous; his aura, on the contrary, was clearly tainted with stress and extreme anxiety and confusion. My son revealed to me that he was going to spend time in Denali, with the other counterpart of our clan. Edward didn’t estimate just how long he would be there; I didn’t try to persuade him otherwise. I patiently waited for his return, as did the rest of my family.

The frustration that loomed over our household was completely understandable, in my opinion. However, I would not be the one to judge Edward and the decisions he makes. He is intelligent and very able to make his own choices; however, I shall never desert him in his times of need. I did my best to support the ruling he concluded. Having a human introduced to our family and become familiar with our lifestyle is very hazardous, I understand. The girl seemed trust-worthy and more than willing to keep a secret as imperative as our own. Bella appeared all too eager to join our family (unfortunately), but how could we dare turn the girl away? Edward had chosen her; he found love.

As with every relationship, Edward and Bella’s association was accompanied by inconceivable obstacles. Other than the usual high school drama, an entirely new world of evils had been introduced to the latest addition to our kin. The reality of the vampire world soon bore down on the poor girl all at once. Death and destruction naturally escorted those of our kind, as she soon learned. Chaos became Isabella’s middle name, as trouble seemed to loom nearby, no matter where she appeared to wander off to. Thankfully, Edward had been willing to protect her and keep her from harm. Of course, the rest of our family felt the need to defend Bella, as well. If she was even remotely injured, my son would feel all too responsible for the harm inflicted upon her. He took their relationship very seriously, as I had hoped.

James and Victoria proved nearly too much for my family to handle—almost. The lovers, including their apparent leader, Laurent, were intent on harming Bella, all because she was involved with our family; indeed, it was almost unheard of for a human to mingle about a clan of vampires. Any of our kind would surely find it beyond absurd, especially if he/she knew that our kind was supposed to dine on them by means of “eating.” It was evident the trio were after the human’s demise. They were all so intent on killing her. Edward was furious, resentful. I encouraged him that we would all so fervently protect Isabella with our lives, holding off the rabid vampires for as long as possible. Jasper and Alice took Bella away, hiding her from the track James’ radar.

In the meantime, Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle, and I all tried to divert his attention. Bella and I switched clothes in order to distract the clan. Isabella was safely out of the state, once James realized we had deceived him. Naturally, he was infuriated and cursed us all... We discovered Bella in her old abandoned dance studio. James had bitten the poor girl—not full out, of course, thankfully. The side of her hand was nicked, from what I was told. Edward was able to suck the venom out of her system before the substance was given enough time to take its full effect. Bella was granted her first glance into the transformation process of the vampire, whether she wished to be enlightened or not.