Sapientia Dei

Hakkımda:

i live in a world of fantasy, so keep your
reality away from me. i see what i want,
i want what i see & that is all okay with me.

"There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more I am dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense."

I drink a lot of cold water & creamy red wine.

Black stockings & boots make me feel oh so 1900.

I am in love with every character Rex Harrison has ever played.

I can't live without moody music and am not very good with money.

I am, literally, scared of everything it seems.

For all intents & purposes, I'm an asexual with an over-idealistic penchant for fictional boys - either highly effeminate or excruciatingly masculine, but never inbetween. After all, we must have our extremes...

'You see," said Carlyle softly, 'this is the beauty I want. Beauty has got to be astonishing, astounding - it's got to burst in on you like a dream

It is only necessary to behold the least fact or phenomenon, however familiar, from a point a hair's breadth aside from our habitual path or routine, to be overcome, enchanted by its beauty and significance ... To perceive freshly, with fresh senses is to be inspired.
~ Henry David Thoreau

Life is a mystery until you touch the reality beyond the veil. When the mind is still and the search is intense, we have the vision to see reality all around us. Every person you meet is in a world you could know. Nature waits for our entrance, whether it is a forest or a rose. All around us is the Spirit Presence waiting for a quiet mind and an open heart. Walking through the markets and riding in the subway, we can be close to the reality. We are moving through various states of reality during the day.
~ Herman Rednick

By the time we grow up we become masters at dissimulation, at cultivating a self that the world cannot probe. But we pay a price. After years of turning people away, of protecting our inner self, of cultivating it by living in a different world, of furnishing this world with our fantasies and dreams--lo and behold we find that we are hopelessly separated from everyone else. We have become victims of our own art. We touch people on the outsides of their bodies, and they us, but we cannot get at their insides and cannot reveal our insides to them. This is one of the great tragedies of interiority--it is utterly personal and unrevealable. Often we want to say something unusually intimate to a spouse, a parent, a friend, communicate something of how we are really feeling about a sunset, who we really feel we are--only to fall strangely and miserably flat. Once in a great while we succeed, sometimes more with one person, less or never with others. But the occasional break-through only proves the rule. You reach out with a disclosure, fail, and fall back bitterly into yourself. We emit huge globs of love to our parents and spouses, and the glob slithers away in exchanges of words that are somehow beside the point of what we are trying to say. People seem to keep bumping up against each other with their exteriors and falling away from each other. Take even the sexual act--the most intimate merger given to organisms. For most people, even for their entire lives, it is a physical overcoming of separateness, not a symbolic revelation and justification of one's interior. Many people pursue sex precisely because it is a mystique of the overcoming of the separateness of the inner world; and they go from one partner to another because they can never quite achieve 'it.'

Those who affirm a self fall into the extreme of the belief in its external continuation; those who deny it fall into the extreme of the belief in its eventual annihilation. - Vatsagotra Sutra