Kevin Hoffman:
Guitar.
Vocals.
Boss Dr. Sample SP202.
Influences
John Lennon
Adam Green
Aphex Twin
Kraftwerk
Ween
Loudon Wainwright III
George Harrison
John Denver
Willie Nelson
The Brothers Gibb
Joe Wise
Paul Simon
Kimya Dawson
Roy Orbison
Brian Wilson
Sean Lennon
Beck
The Ramones
Yo Gabba Gabba
Matt Groening
The DeFranco Family
Janis Ian
The Strokes
Homestar Runner
Starland Vocal Band
Laurie Anderson
Jay and the Americans
The Singing Nun
Flight of the Conchords
Violent Femmes
The Searchers
Dave Clark Five
Barry Manilow
Weird Al Yankovich
Bobby Darin
Bread
Sha-Na-Na
Neil Sedaka
The Smiths
Leo Kottke
Herman's Hermits
Kingston Trio
Christopher Guest
Elvis Presley
David Bowie
Sounds Like
You're in a time machine, drinking Red Bull from an authentic Spanish Conquistador battle helmet, watching Irreversible with the audio off, while the bastard offspring of Jim Croce and Vlad the Impaler finger-picks pretty songs about some strange place you've been to once, but didn't really like. Oh, and there's mozzarella sticks.
Evil Robot Kevin is a technological experiment gone awry. Beware of his Electro-Tongue! It spits firey truth with razor-like sharpness.
Born of the 2nd Industrial Revolution, ERK model 00001 is a marvel of contemporary malicious design. His Vocalizer Attachment Pro 6 ($97.99, see picture) allows him to form internally sequenced, perfectly-pitched notes at an alarming rate, bursting ear drums of animals for miles. His Pick-O-Matic Probulating Finger Strummers ($129.95, coming winter 2000-never), new to the international robot folk market, allow him not only to present flawless musical arrangements, but also to gouge the eyes of his nay-sayers with frightening accuracy. ERK is built of solid titanium, so don't bother trying to punch him if he goes for your eyes.
But, alas, Evil Robot Kevin cannot be stopped. His songs, complicated, encrypted, random assortments of pop culture hulabaloo and interpersonal conflict are like manna from some super-computer millions of miles above the Earth's atmosphere. The songs envelop you, hold you, love you. Then, when properly sedated, ERK's patented Brain Squisher Turbo Press (not for sale, copyright currently under litigation) will labotomize you with a sequence of inaudible notes, rendering you mentally deficient. Transfixed on the last audio you were subject to, you are now a minon of the Evil Robot Kevin Empire. Welcome.
holy smokes!! can you BELIEVE what mia did to get that modeling job?? and how about darcy totally bailing on peter after convincing him to stay in town???
p.s. who the fuck are all these new characters? p.p.s. when are y'all comin to visit???
After much deliberation, I have decided that I am on the side of the clothed. They always have the best chance of survival. And while naked is fun, clothed is practical.
what can i say? i guess at some point myspace just becomes everybody'sspace. i've been missing you and erin a lot, too. almost every day andrew and i talk about the various cleveland people we'd like to transport here for a walk in the park or something. i even get nostalgic when watching your videos!
hey, have you heard of peelander-z? they're a japanese action comic band or something and they're coming to n.o. on oct. 30th. i'm trying to get dave and erin to come. you should check out their website and myspace page. they're craaaaazy! i think you'd like the concept.
I've chosen to side with the naked and reserved freshly shaved genital clippings for your wall hanging/beard needs. Continue with the audio abuse and manipulation of the weak. viva la erk!!
I'm so bummed I missed your show in Kent. Trust me, I' rather do that than Synagogue any day! I'll probably be at your show on the 28th. And we need to do Karaoke again sometime fo sho. Wishing you total world domination, Erin
