Saul and Eva
A'ight, look, here's what happened. Straight up, I got thrown outta house at like, ten inna mornin'. Shit, man, that bitch just came inna room… man she supposed ta be gone 'till Tuesday, she come home on fucking Satuday, heh, I'm in the room wit'er sista! I ain't prouda it, it just what happened. An' man, she pissed! I wake up she all screamin' Muthafucka this Muthafucka that Bitch I'mma kick yo' muthafuckin' black ass… And I jump the fuck outta bed, I'm on my feet…I'm not even thinkin'! Man, I pick my shit up offa floor, put my pants on an', man I'm out the window! No way, man the fuckin' window!
Hey, man you laughin' that bitch scary when she mad. I stuck 'round there much longer my ass be beat by like a muthafuckin' fryin' pan, some'in, like a bowlin' pin in tha closet I don't even know I got. Ha!
'Nyway. So all my shit back at 'er house and no fuckin' way I'm goin' back there fo' like a month. I ain't got nothin' though. I gotta couple spliff's in my back pocket, tha's all I got though. You know… what I gonna do? I'm like, well my bro's in A'lanta, maybe I'll go lay low there, or som'in. But shit, man, I ain't got no cash, I ain't got no car. An' I'm like, well, you know, I'ma big guy… right?… I jus' go into some store an' fuckin' take it right? Tha's what I'm thinkin'. But, you know, I need some a'tillery right? An' I'm not walkin' in there like Yo, my name Saul, I'll be robbin' you tonight. Please, take a picture a' my face. Right? Put it on tha evenin' news right? Right? I gotta cova' up.
Well that part'as easy. I just walk in, right? I just walk in, rip offa tag from some ski mask, stuff it in my pants, walk out 'fore they even see me. Shit man, I was so smooth there, I was like fuckin' Batman. Nigga's di'n't even know I's there. Man, rest a' the day went that smooth? Shit, no way I be here. Things went that smooth, man I'd be like in Tijuana, some'in. Shit.
Right, so now I need some'in… you know… some'in threatin' man. I mean, I ain' got no shotgun, nothin'. What I gonna do? Well I cuttin' through the park, man, I see this kids playin' baseball. Nobody 'round 'cept these kids. So I si' down, I start watchin' man. I get up, I go over to the kid who's about ta bat. You know, these kids, they like fuckin' nine, ten some'in. I go, 'Hey kid, lemme show you how ta hit that ball.' So he hands me the bat, an' this kid pitches the ball, real low, right? And I smash that muthafucka outta park. An all these kids… man, I just blew their fuckin' minds right? Shit, man I ain't kiddin', shoulda been a fuckin' ball player, no shit. Get my shit togetha I be like Sammy muthafuckin' Sosa… got this bum leg though… Naw seriously, I run like a bitch.
'Nyway, so all these kids like, 'Woaaah!' an' I turn 'round an' I go to this kid, this kid wit' his mouth all wide, I go 'thanks fo' the bat, bitch.' Then I just walk 'way. Ha! That's right, man, fuck it right? All these kids like 'What the fuck nigga!' an' I turn 'round an I say, 'The fuck you gonna do bitches?' right? They kids right? Fuck man! One a 'em lil' fuckas comes up, kicks me in the muthafuckin' shin. Hurt like a bitch, man. Fuck! Look man, nigga left a mark! Musta been wearin' like, fuckin, steel toed Nikes man. Fuck! Shit, man. An' I'm like, 'you muthafucka!' An' while I'm yellin' at that little shit, another one musta found the ball cause he throws it right at my fuckin' skull, man. Bam, right here, look!
Shit man, these some fuckin' tough muthafucka's, right? An' I can't hit no kids man, you know. I mean, I could take 'em right? But that shit's not cool, so I go, 'Fuck all y'all niggas!' and I just bolt, man. But, like I said, man I got this bum leg, right? And that little muthafucka kicked me in it too, so I can't run no good, and these fucka's all chasein' me an' shit. You know they're not givin' up right? I had to lose 'em, no shit! I'm runnin' through the fuckin' streets with mutha fuckin Little Rascals chasein' afta' me. Ha! Yeah, man I'm like fuckin' bookin' it! But I take two sharp corners, man an' no shit, hop in a fuckin' dumpster, close tha lid. I figure, they ain't finna find me in 'ere.
Shit man, you know, I gotta do what I gotta do right? I mean, I need that bat, plus I ain't no bitch, I mean I'm not finna give into these kids just 'cause they chase me. Fuck 'em. You know, they can get anotha bat. But these little bitches post like… like a muthafuckin' patrol by this dumpster. These nigga's clever. They split up. There like five kids in fronta the dumpster. Now, you know, they don't know I'm actually in the dumpster, but they know they lost me 'round there. So they just hang out by the dumpster, fo' like two hours, no shit. They start playin' jacks and shit, just hangin' out. I'm like, muthafucka. I'm sittin' in that shit, what I gonna do, right? 'Nyway, I found, like a burger some nigga tossed… What? Fuck you, I's hungry. Naw, wasn't bad… wish it was a bit warma though.
'Nyway, these kids leave an' it's like six, now, right it's gettin' dark. But I got this bat, right? I mean, I can't just go walkin' round town with this bat. I mean, tha's pretty muthafuckin' suspicious right? So I just hold tight. What? Yeah, in the fuckin' dumpster, man. I mean, the place wasn't open or nuthin' I figure, it not a bad place to hangout. Oh, shit, man I musta waited like three, four hours, somethin'. Aw, fuck you man. You know, I just sparked up in there, chilled. Whateva.
So I get out an' I got this big ol' bat, right? An' I figure, well I'ma find closest gas station, 'round here and just do it. No use wastin' time no more right? So there like a Mobil station' right 'cross from me. No car, nuthin', so I put my mask on, shit man go in there go right up, smash my bat on the counter an' go, 'Give me all yo' money! Put it in a muthafuckin' sack!' An' I put my bat up aimin' right at this chink bitch head. Right man, I finna fuckin' take that shit off. An' she look at me, look at the bat, she get this smile on her face man. She does this little shrug thing, and she go 'Okay.' Then she open up the drawer and she hand me… I mean she does this like she's workin' at a fuckin' bank man, you know, bill by bill… thirteen singles, two fives, an' a ten. Then she gives me like two dollars in quarters an' like a dollar or so in nickels. 'There you go,' she says, 'Thiwty-six dolla and fifty-five cent.' An' I look at this shit… you know, I ain't sayin' nothing, right? She goes, 'You can take pennies too,' an' points to the pennies onna counter.
Well, I get my shit togetha' an' I say, 'Bitch, I said all the money! Not what you fuckin' feel like given' me! You fuckin' blind! Can't you see me? You don't give me all yo' cash, I'll plaster yo' brains up 'gainst that wall.' She goes, 'That is all I got! I just put money in safe twenty minute ago.' I'm like, 'Well open up the fuckin' safe then!' 'I can't open safe! Can't you read?' And she point at this sign on the door that say somein' like, 'For our safety teller can't open safe blah blah blah.' I'm like, Shit. And then this haj nigga walks in, towel wrapped round his head, and he looks at me, you know this pissed off nigga with a bat, and he goes, 'Oh! So sorry! I don't want trouble! I'll leave thank you!' And I grab him and throw him on the floor, you know I'm pissed the fuck off, and I says 'Gimme yo' keys bitch!' And he hands me his wallet an' says, 'That's all I have, so sorry!' I slap that shit outta his hands and I go, 'No bitch, yo' keys! You understan' English?! I'm stealin' yo fuckin' ride!' He just looks at me all dumb, so I make this, like motion that I'm startin up a car… you know I gotta play charades or some shit. Finally he gives me his keys an' I'm like, 'Thank you,' and walk away. Fo' I leave though, I gots turn 'round an' go, 'Oh wait, no bitch on second thought, give me yo' wallet too.' An' he crawls over, picks it up and tosses it to me. I'm like, 'Yo, thanks man.' And get the fuck out.
'Cept, when I get outside, all I see is a taxi. I'm all, oh shit! Right? I mean, that's not what I wanted. I mean, you know that's not conspicuous at all, right? But, what I finna do? I gotta take it. So I start it up, an' get the fuck outta there, just drive. An, I'm all sweatin', my masks like fuckin' soaked, my heart's beatin'. Man, you know, I ain't no seasoned criminal right? I mean, o'viously. I don't know the fuck I'm doin'. I gotta say man, I'm fuckin' flippin' here man. You know, that adrenaline's all fuckin'… well anyway… I mean, I gotta stop an' think what the fuck I'm finna do next. So after I drove fo' awhile, I'm like uptown now by the college, right? I pull over ta the side so I can spark up, right? I mean I figure that'll calm me down. So I pull over to the side, you know, not even thinkin' where I am or nothin', I pull over, pull out a joint an' my lighter and I'm just about to spark it when the door opens and I see this girl get in. That girl, inna paper! I, mean, o'viously, I di'n't know it then, right, I got no idea who the fuck she is. An' I don' care, man! All I know is, she just got in my fuckin' car, right! I mean, tha's what I'm thinkin'. I just 'bout lose it man, I'm like 'Get the fuck—' Then I'm like, oh shit, right? I'm in a cab. And that raghead nigga left the light on, right? I mean that'd be pretty suspicious if I kick somebody out a cab right? So I calm down an' I say all business like, 'where to ma'am.' And she don't say nothin'. So I turn around and this girl's like fi'teen man. This tiny little white chick. She got like black hair all ovah the fuckin' place, man. An' she's just hangin' on ta the seat man. She look like she about ready to pass the fuck out. An' I realize, I parked right in front this frat house right? Some dumb ass big drunk white cat stumblin' back up the walk. I'm like, aw shit he just dropped her off. So I roll down the window an' I'm like, 'Yo! Where I takin' her?' That cat's already inside though. I'm like shit, I'm fucked.
What'm I finna do with this bitch right? I turn around an' I yell, 'Yo! Wake up! Where'm I takin' you?!' All she do is groan. You know, she 'bout ready to pass out fo' good.
So, I mean, lemme lay it down, I'm in a cab, that I stole, I jus' hold up a gas station, fo' like thirty-fi' dolla's… you know, I sure the cops crawlin' all over tha place fo' me man. You know, they get this call, 'Yeah, perp in a big-ass yella cab,' they like 'shit man, this dumb-ass be easy ta catch.' I just hopin' they like, 'man this so simple, le's stop off fo' some donuts on tha way.' Anyway, I like cup my han's over my face, I like shout 'Where you goin!' Fin'ly she wake up, she like, Woah, all dizzy, she go, 'Mmm' she clutch her stomach. You know, all that… she pro'ly drink some skanky beer, some nasty wop, pro'ly not eat nuthin'. She goes, 'Mmm, hungry.' I'm like, 'Yeah, where you wan' me ta go?' She say, 'I'm hungry.' Shit, right? I losin' my patience right? 'What I look like? A fuckin' snack bar? I don' care! Where you wanna go so you can ge' the fuck out my cab!'
Now she look at me with these all blo' shot nasty eyes, her lip hangin' out, she all sad, all pleadin' all whiny like some spoiled-ass white bitch, she go, 'Pleeease… can't you take me somewhere to eat?' Well, shit. Fine! Right? Well I drive over to this Taco Bell. 'Cause I figure… well, I don't drink 'cause, well man… my ol' man… he drank a lot an'… well any way… uh… when my boys an' me, when we used get stoned, fo' they all left… when we got stoned you know we always walk over Taco Bell, right? I mean that's the best food when you fucked up, right? An' I jus' figure, this the same thing so… well… whateva' we go over there, an I go through the drive through, an' I stop, roll down tha' window, 'Can I take yo' order' I'm like, 'Uh… wai' a secon'' Turn 'roun, 'Whatchu want?' an' she's like, 'Where are we?' 'We at Taco Bell, this shit's great when you fucked up' She goes, 'No, no, I need something greasy… Oh! Oh!' Suddenly, she get all excited… man drunk people so crazy, they swing back forth all zzzz passed out then they like weee Crazy! She go, 'Oh! There's this diner they talkin' 'bout… the frat boys talkin' 'bout' But she don't know where it is, man. You know, she ain't from 'round there. I don't fuckin' know where it is. An' this cat on the loudspeak, he's gettin' impatient. An' she goes, 'Ask him!' The guy on the loudspeak! I'm like, this ain't 411 bitch, it's a drive thru! She crawl up right next the window, she go, 'Wherethediner!' The guy on the speaker like, 'Wha'?' I gotta push her back an' translate, her drunk ass.
Thankfully, the dude actually know what we talkin' 'bout. He tell us there a diner 'cross the street. Pro'bly just wan' us ta get the fuck out the drive thru, though right? 'Nyway, I pull round, get outta there, we pull into this nasty greasy diner. I'm like, 'a'ight, make it quick.' Then she goes, 'Come in with me' Come in witchu? The fuck you think I am? Fuckin' butler summin'? I mean, fuck you, drunk-ass cracka' bitch. Right?
So I go in wit'er, well, you know, I figure, the faster I make this the easier i's goin' be on all us right? Plus, I figure she pro'ly need me ta keep upright. 'Nyway, we go in, an' she go up to order, she like, 'I'll have French fries!' I'm like, 'that all you getting'?' 'Yeah.' 'Why the fuck we di'n' just go to Burger King, then?' 'I wanted the fries here!' Whate'er, man. Then she go, and this just fuckin' sick man, she go, 'Hey, can I have a side of mayonnaise? Like, in a cup?' I'm like, 'Whatchu need mayo fo'?' 'To dip them in.' Blah! No shit man, that what she said. She goin' dip 'em in that shit.
I don' know, man, she said somein' like, tha's how they had it in Europe. I suppose, you know… considerin' her family, right? She go over Europe wheneva the fuck she want. But, at the time I just thinkin' she just wanna be like European's right? You know, shit man, those white people, they think Europe so fuckin' classy.
But get this, man, right after she orders, right, you know the girl at the counter go, dolla se'ndy-five. And this bitch look down, then she lean over, she like brin' me down ta her level, she go, 'I don't have any money.' Shit man, I couldn' believe that shit. I'm like, 'Well how you gonna pay fo' this then?' She just look all coy at me. Fiiiine. Well yeah, I paid fo' her… I mean I had the change! Atch'lly I's gettin' real hungry anyway, so I ordered a burger… you know it just made sense ta pay fo' her as well right? But, right, I go over ta where she sittin', she sat down while I paid, see, an' I go, 'number's 42. You pick up the food.'
Then, you know, sudd'nly I realized somein', I's like, 'waita second, how the fuck you gonna pay fo' this cab ride, if you ain't got no cash?' She sorta look down, she go, 'Well… hey, I didn't want to get in the cab.' 'Well you in it know ain'tchu?' Then I got all pissed, I mean what this bitch's deal right man? So I aksed her, I say, 'What the fuck you're problem? You know, you totally plastred, right? I mean, you gotta be, like, fif'teen somein'? You at some college party, buncha guys… you don' e'en got no money… look, you know… You're this tiny white girl… I mean… shit… I ain't no bitch… but… you know, you could get hurt out there…'
I donknow it'as weird man… I mean… like I give a shit… right? But… I just… I felt like… you know, she'as in trouble, right? I don't know… I mean, the fuck I care… But man, this girl lookin' fo' trouble. Right after I tell her, she could get hurt, she go, she reach 'cross the table man, an' grab my han', she go, 'I bet a guy like you could hurt me…'
No shit! Man, she lucky she found me, right? Well… shit… didn't matter right? I took my hand 'way, right? I said, 'Look, where your parents at 'nyway?' I mean, I ain' stupid, I know she pro'ly some run'way rich white chick… I mean, didn' know her parents that rich… but I figure her parents pro'ly worried, right? 'Course she go, 'I don't give a shit, my parents are assholes.' Hah! Right? Man, she never met my ol' man. You know, 'least her parents lookin' fo' her. Well, you know, 'ctually I glad my ol' man, neveh look fo' me. Shit man, I glad I got outta that house… Mutha fucka.
Never mind that shit. Look, 'kay, all I sayin' is I knew this bitch in trouble right when she start talkin'. Shit, I knew she in trouble, right when she got inna car, but I knew somein' up when I inna diner. O'viously it fuckin' stupid o' me to e'en go in there inna first place, right? Well yeah I mean it really stupid now… last person they see her wit. 'Course, black man, white girl, 'course I fuckin' did it.
No! Fuck you. Fuckin' hell man, I can' e'en hold up a gas station right? You think I coulda killed 'er? Real reason I shoulda left at a diner… I mean, I gotta stolen cab outside, What I shoulda done 'as fuckin' been like, 'Hold on I gotta go to a bathroom' an' just fuckin' take off bu'… Ah shit…. Look… you know, uh, I felt… well no… 'kay, look, as soon as she grab my hand… uh.. heh… I'm thinkin' I can get some pussy right? It been a pretty rough day right? Leas' I can get some pussy, knowha'msayin'?
Uh… no… naw man… I di'n't. Well, 'kay this what happen. We getta food, she go up an' get it. She come back an' give me my cheeseburger… oh shit man, I fuckin tear inta that thing. Hah! Fucking so much betta than the one inna dumpster. I not e'en thinkin' though. Man, she the one that was like, 'Hey, uh can we get going?' I look up from the burger man, an… man all I thinkin' uh right then was eatin' I go, 'Why?' She's like, well o'viously she thinking' she goin' be seen she hang 'round too much. But she said, 'Well… you know we can go somewhere.' All nymph like. Shit. Right? I'm like, well I suppose I could eat the burger inna car right? Knowha'msayin'? Then I think… I mean it occur to me, fin'ly, oh shit I gotta stolen cab. I like, 'Yeah, let's go.'
So we get in the cab, she get inna back, an' start strokin' my neck, like behin' my seat. Shit man, I'm like, baby, sit the fuck back, I gotta drive. I mean, no'mly I'd be all fine with that shit, but I wanna concentrate on drivin', right? I wanna concentrate on drivin' inna straight line so cops don't stop me an' be like, 'scuse me why's there a nigga an a white girl inna stolen cab? So I tell her sit back. An so we's drivin' towards tha tracks. You know, I figure nothin' down there. Park inna shadow, no one see the cab right? An'…
Okay… look, I gotta be honest witchu. 'Cause… Okay… man, I wasn' lookin' ta get laid or nuthin… I mean, shit, you see the picture inna paper right? I mean, tha' girl ugly. You know, you don' needa be attractiv ta be rich right? And you cer'tinly don' needa have an attractiv daughter… I mean… an' she was lookin' lot rougher that night than she do in that picture, trust me. She pro'ly pukin' all over hersel' atta party right? Tha's why they get ridda her. 'Nyway… Well, you know, 'sides, heh, I hadda 'nuff pussy tha' mornin' Knowha'msayin'? I mean, two sista's inna same room 'nuff pussy. Two actual related sista's inna same room, that more inna 'nuff pussy. 'Specially when onea' 'em bout readya cutcha balls of, man. So I's jus' drivin'… hopein' I figure out what I finna do, right? I mean, shit, this girl… what I finna do wit her right? 'Specially since I'm in a stolen cab. Not like I can go up to the police station, be like, fin' this girl parents please an' uh… gotta go!
So, I just drivin' you know, makin sure I keepa side streets. You know, so cops don' see me. An' yeah, I's head for tha tracks, 'cause I figure, once I get there least I can lay low. An' as I'm doin' this… well… I starta talkin'. Just… Just like, fo' no reason. I start tellin' her how… well, how I figure she in trouble. An' she all quite. So I… I just star' talkin'… an' God knows… shit man, you know, how I ain't the most ar'tic'late cat… man, shit, I just start ramblin'. I just start talkin' 'bout my dad, 'start talkin' 'bout my girl, my ex, her sista, an'… man this so stupid, I start blabin' 'bout what I did tha' day. How much I fuck up. I's like… man, you know in movies, you know in gangsta movies where they go inna little room an start talkin' 'bout what they done, start talkin' to a priest? Yeah, right, a confession, like a confession, 'cept I confessin' to some white bitch. I don' know why. Pro'ly… well like I said, I wanna save 'er somein'. Naw… that ain' it…
Di'n't matter though right? Dumb bitch gets 'self killed 'nyway.
Well, like I said, I goin' towards tracks. When I get there, I turn 'round, 'cause she been quite through the whole thing. Man, I ain' e'en look at her. I just ramblin' the whole time. To be honest, kinda fo'got she there. But when I turn 'round, shit man, she just pass the fuck out. She layin' down. Snorin'. So I just said fuck it an' hop this train here. I lef' her in the cab.
Well, shit, man I di'n't think much o' it. I mean. Thinkin' back, you know, pro'ly the best thing I coul'a done 'nyway, right? I mean, the cops lookin' fo' the cab 'nyway. If cops ac'tly been on 'ere toes 'stead a fuckin' with niggas or what'er the fuck they do, man maybe they find her. Stead some other nigga come in and slice her the fuck up. Shit, an' like I said, 'course they lookin' fo' me. Pro'ly didn' e'en stop ta ask the cracka's atta frat house the fuck they doin' wit' her.
Ah, fuck it. Wish I coulda done some'in. Guess not.
Pass 'at bottle.