The Fatsquad: A Comic About Fat Guys's Blog

Current mood:hungry

Current mood:accomplished

So one Saturday night, a short while ago, a group of us got together and did something amazing. Something that someone SHOULD have come up with sooner, but didn't. What was that thing?

We made pizzas. But not just any pizzas. The toppings were all either food purchased from MCDONALDS, or WENDYS.

Let that set in for a moment.

Uh Huh. Yeah. Pretty friggin awesome huh? I bet you're thinking, "Sweet Mary Mother of God, why didn't we think of that?!"  I thought the same thing.

Now we can't take complete credit for this, we were sent a link to someone else who had done it first, but let me tell you, we took the ball and ran with it.  How? Well you'll find out below, when we present you with a complete account of that night, in pictures. HUGE pictures, so you will feel like you were right there with us, in heaven.

So lets get to it.

We hit up Mcdonalds and Wendys, and got a selection of Burgers, Fries, and Nuggets.  A trip to the Supermarket got us Boboli pizza crusts, bags of shredded pizza cheese, and sauce. With all these items in hand, we were finally ready to embark on this journey, that would surely change our lives forever.

It went down at our pals, Justin and Renees house, they are both Vegans, which makes it that much funnier. The worst place we could ever birth this monstrosity. But they had invited us over for a night of Poker action and what better way to kick it off than this? I cannot think of one.

Wendys Pizza came first. Crust, followed by sauce, and then? Not just a burger. A BACONATOR! We had to squish them down a bit to make sure this bad boy would fit in the oven when we were done.

Was one Baconator enough? No. Thats why we added more. 4 in all.

Then a layer of cheese was added. And then? A layer of fresh, crispy fries!

Followed by? You guessed it, ANOTHER layer of cheese. And for those of you wondering which gentlemans hands are putting this together, its Al and P-Matty. Both renouned gourmet chefs.

Was she done at this point? Most people might say yes, end this while we're still alive, but no...it needed one more thing...

NUGGETS!!!!!!!!!!!   and more cheese.
 With that, the Wendys Pizza was ready for the oven.

Then began the Mcdonalds pizza. Four Double cheeseburgers, comin' at ya straight from the dollar menu, tossed onto a sauced up pizza crust!

Followed by cheese, FRIES, and then more cheese...

And then? A hearty helping of  golden Mcdonalds chicken nuggets!

Then someone came up with the great idea of adding....MORE CHEESE.

A grezzled Josh poses with Reinert, you can see their excitement already...

Then Josh poses with P-Matty. Everyone wants a shot with the pizzas, before they become famous.

Then we placed them in the oven, one per rack, and yes, we switched them halfway through. I believe we set it at 400 degrees kept them in there until they looked ready. If you plan on doing this, just eyeball it. You probably don't though, because this is waaaaaaaay too awesome for most people to attempt.

Then Dan arrived. We told him what was going down and this was his, " Are you serious? You guys are gonna die" Face.

We waited anxiously, and finally the moment of truth had arrived, we pulled them from the oven, and I don't know if it was just the combined excitement of us all, but I swear I saw a golden glow come down from the heavens, and settle apon the two pizzas, bathing them in a heavenly glow...

Another angle...

Despite the fact that we all wanted to tear into them right away, cooler heads prevailed and we waited for them to cool. Then Josh was chosen to be the one to cut them. Only someone pure of heart and strong willed could be entrusted with this job. It was a heavy burden, but he did it well.

Before we were to taste it though, a warning rang throughout the room. Young Cameron spoke up and said, and this is a direct quote, " All who taste of this pizza will surely PERISH this night!"  Of course we ignored him, because come on, what do little kids know? Nothing.

But before we dug into it, I decided I wanted to heft it for myself, to feel it in all its glory before it was torn apart by us, like a pack of rabid dogs. Or wolverines. Your choice. I don't look too impressed in this pic, but know this...I WAS.

The few that dared taste it, took a slice of each. If you wanted to truly judge in this contest, you had to sample them both...

Ever the Pioneer, Reinert takes a man sized bite. Josh stares, wide eyed, waiting to see if he instantly drops dead, or goes back for more...

He survives and says its good. REALLY GOOD, and thats all we need. The next half hour is us eating until we are sick, talking about how good it is, how gross it is, and the differences between them both. Arguing about the winner.

Al digs in...

P-Matty smiles, but its a smile through pain...

My heart stops as I take another huge bite...but then luckily it kicks back in again, and I know I'm going to make it through this night.

So which pizza won? If you asked us that night, after we had eaten, you'd just get some groans and talk of how our stomachs were going to burst like the fat guy from Se7en. But later .. we had time to reflect, there was a clear winner to this battle for top fast food pizza...

The winner?

McDonalds.

And here's why. Their double cheeseburger destroys wendys junior cheeseburger deluxe. Its true. Yeah its got veggies and all that, so its a better deal, but when you're making a fast food pizza, that stuff is the last thing you're thinking of.  Thats the original reason we decided to go with a different burger for the Wendys pizza, but the BACONATOR killed it. While awesome on paper, it was just too much on the pizza. It was hard to eat, while the Mcdonalds pie went down smooth. Everything worked with each other, a perfect unison of tasty, heart clogging treats.

I expected to have ill effects from this, some extra bathroom time, either puking, or pooping, but neither happened, to me or anyone else.

So there you have it. One of the most Epic nights in history. When will you try it? What will you do different? I hereby challenge anyone to make theirs more kick ass than ours, and be able to keep it down.