Current mood:hopefulA lot’s been goin on lately... a lot of shifting, a lot of fighting with myself more or less. Nicholas has been on vacation for the past week, and though I LOVE him being around, it’s forced us to have to deal with each other’s quirks more, and it’s been rather challenging. Marriage is hard work. It’s infinitely rewarding for those who stick it out, and infinitely distructive for those who don’t ride it out, but it’s worth it.
A friend of mine asked me recently what God has taught me through all that’s happened with Nicholas and I. I have been trying to stay in constant prayer lately, and before I knew it, I had a really long list of things that God has taught me through being married. I realized immediately that no matter what happens, we canNOT allow the outside world to corrupt us and our most cherished relationships. If we stay so focused on what’s wrong, how will we EVER reach for a resolution? No marriage can stay healthy if we each do not humble ourselves on a regular basis, EVEN if we think the other person is incorrect. For Nicholas and I, it’s been a season of constant trials, and most of them, sadly, have been with other professing Christians. We began to build walls up around our emotions and started allowing other people to dictate how we would speak (or listen) to one another. And the walls, as we found out, were very obviously, the result of not putting God first. We are two strong people when it comes to the Word and wanting it to be manifest as true and spirit-filled with love, moving in every aspect of our lives, and so when we butt heads, it’s hard, unless we just shut up and pray first, to really get anywhere. We are quick to forgive one another. We naturally, are not so quick to forgive the rest of the world. I suppose that’s part of the sinful nature of humanity: If someone hurts you, hurt them back. Don’t give them the satisfaction of you being hurt. Be the bigger man. (Old Testament eye for an eye doctrine). Christ did not come to abolish the laws of the Old Testament, but to fulfill them, and thus He said "Do not repay evil for evil, but repay evil with good, for if you repay evil with evil, are you not the very same as the sinners of the world? Even fools hate who hate them and even fools are kind to those who are generous to them." But we are called to a different standard: one of humility, and repentance, one of the breaking down of pride and of a peace that God provides, not for selfish use, but for prosperity through generosity to those who are UNDESERVING. We are all, unworthy. But God is gracious. They say "They will know we are Christians by our love" but to understand that and really explain that to people, is a rather highly offensive and controverial topic to embark on. The conclusion I have come to is this:
You can live your life the way you choose, and maybe it will be great. But, there is something better, and though it’s hard to walk it out, the man we are to embrace in our thoughts, spoken word and deed, is a man of perfect selfnessness. No, we will never be that, but if we are content with saying "Well you did this" and not doing what God has called us to in our OWN individual walks, what purpose do we serve? Do not burn yourselves out with ministering to the world before you ask God ferverently to search within your own heart, to shine a lazer beam with black light on any waste products in your soul, ask for Jesus to cleanse you, and walk out your days in faith, in truth, in love, in spirit, and..... be humble with one another, embracing all in the love of the Father we wish to be like.
Nicholas and I talked and prayed through this extensively, and we both fell into each other’s arms, wanting to be the best friend either of us could have ever asked for. Marriage is unity. If we are to be part of the body of Christ, who is the Bride of Christ, we shall be unified as well. Do your part before you try to change the world.