ISFP: The Crackpot
ISFP personalities are characterized by their impulsiveness, their defiance of conformity and orthodoxy, and their competitive natures. Taken together, these traits make up the ideal crackpot. While an ISFP's personality might seem flighty and their attention span short to an outsider, ISFPs live by the motto "Life is best approach--oh, look, potato chips!"
ISFPs are always on the cutting edge of new trends. Whether it's podcasting, taking up guitar, or running away to a far-off east African compound and joining a doomsday apocalyptic cult, ISFPs are always following their hearts and quickly embracing new ideas. However, they tend to be fleeting in their passions, which means they often may lack the dedication that marks a true cultist. While ISFPs often lack the dedication most people give to careers and family, they can still support themselves in more unorthodox ways, like by selling blood plasma, turning tricks, and mooching off their family.
RECREATION: ISFPs enjoy activities that cater to their emotional passions, and often pursue many hobbies, such as music, painting, sculpting, and running off to Vegas to marry that cute waitress from Mack's Truck Stop over on Route 9. Whenever God speaks to someone, it's usually an ISFP.
COMPATIBILITY: ISFPs do well in relationships with ISFJs and with anyone they meet in Las Vegas.
Famous ISFPs include Joan of Arc and--oh, look, potato chips!
Music
Just about anything...Punk, reggea, Hip Hop, Emo, anything that touches the more dramatic side of me... http://view.break.com/300267 - Watch more free videos
Movies
I dunno...I don't watch too many...mostly anime and crap like that.
Television
Adult swim, Anything on those 'learning channels' The news...that stuff. DOWN WITH REALITY TV!!
Books
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?''
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . .let's see... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a damn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their ....
''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.
''What?'' says Roger, startled.
''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so .... .''
(She breaks down, sobbing.)
''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''
''There's no horse?'' says Roger.
''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.
''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
''Yes,'' he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
'Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.
''What way?'' says Roger.
''That way about time,'' says Elaine.
''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
'Thank you, Roger,'' she says.
''Thank you,'' says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:
''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''
Heroes
Fuck heroes...Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists, or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present...
THE TOP 100 THINGS I WOULD DO IF I EVER BECAME AN EVIL OVERLORD:
-My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face concealing ones.
-My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
-My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell in my dungeon.
-Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
-The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragon of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
-I will not gloat over my enemies predicament before killing them.
-When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought, I'll shoot him and then say "No."
-After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
-I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled, "Danger: Don Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will clearly not be labelled as such.
-I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum - a small hotel room well outside my border will work just as well.
-I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
-One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
-All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least several round of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
-The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
-I will never employ any device with a digital count-down. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable. I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
-I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
-When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
-I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would prove a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
-I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
-Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
-I will hire a fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legion of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
-No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
-I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
-I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strength and weaknesses. Even though this takes some fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
-No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible spot.
-No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive which is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bed chamber.
-I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
-My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
-I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
-All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
-All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcements and/or romantic sub-plot for the hero or his side-kick.
-I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
-I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
-I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
-I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
-I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
-If my trusted lieutenant tell me my Legion of Terror is losing a battle, I will believe him.. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
-If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
-If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
-I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super-weapon, I will use it early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
-Once my power is secure, I will destroy all of those pesky time travel devices.
-When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys that happens to follow him around.
-I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
-I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
-I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him and say "And here is the price for failure." then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
-If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
-If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
-I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
-If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all of my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
-My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
-If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions of the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people oriented position.
-I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
-If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
-I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
-The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legion of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
-My Legion of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
-Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owners manual.
-If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
-I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
-My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: This also applies to passwords.
-If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?" I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
-I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
-Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of this nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
-I will see a compentant psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be disadvantageous.
-If I must have a computer system with publicly available terminals, the maps they display will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
-My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints and then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
-No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
-I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
-All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
-When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
-If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
-If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon, instead of using my unstoppable super weapon on them.
-I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
-When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
-I will instruct my Legion of Terror to attack the heroes en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
-If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
-If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
-I will not tell my Legion of Terror "And he must be taken alive-" the command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonable practical."
-If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited edition commemorative coins.
-If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
-If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
-I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerously unbalanced structure.
-If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
-I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 stones of power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more alone the lines of "Push the button/"
-I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
-My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to do the task again.
-After I capture the hero's super weapon, I will not disband legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
-I will not design my main control room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
-I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
-If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead, I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
-If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and the underling who failed or betrayed me, I will die first.
When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
-My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cell mate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening the cell for a look.
-My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
-My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.
-If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However, if circumstances have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each other' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
-Any data files of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb.
-Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free, unlimited internet access.
About me: Many of you have already heard the bad news and have passed on your condolences, for which I am truly grateful. It's been a dark time around here, the mood often pitch black with despair. Yes. Once again I have been snubbed by People magazine's 100 Most Beautiful People List. I know. I'm just as incredulous as you. Every year I campaign so hard for inclusion in this prestigious tome and every year, nada. Nothing. Zip. I do crunches. I apply skin lotion like, almost every day. I pluck my nose hairs, brush my teeth, exfoliate my pores. What more must I DO?? Seriously. My breath is minty fresh. My armpits are fragrant. I smell fabulous. Go on, smell me. I got herbal organic cucumber mango flavor junk all over my skin. I'm a fucking tropical paradise. Toucans fly out of my ass, I'm so tropical. Sigh. Maybe it's an inner beauty thing. Maybe I need to let the inner light shine on through. Like being compassionate to others and shit like that. I don't know. Maybe I just need better hair products. Whatever, I don't even care anymore. It's just a silly magazine. Who cares? I'm so over it. I had my "Magnum" look all ready for the photo shoot, too. Damn. Life's so unfair.
hey rob, just sayin "hey", and "whats up?" hope life is goin well, there's a party goin down on my block tomorrow, its an early st. paddy's day bash, wouldn't mind if you stopped by, live at the same place man. laters.
I always tell u what's new w/me. Therefore, if u haven't heard from me, it just means I'm back to my antisocial boring self. (Although I do get out of the house...to go to work). What about u?
