Recovery is possible. There is always hope.
Maybe this will be the time you make some changes and begin to transform your life.
If you don’t try, you will never know how your life could change.
There are various things you can do to move forward and begin the journey to recovery.
• Tell someone about your self harm (see ‘how to tell someone you self harm’)
• If you feel you are depressed or have an untreated mental illness that is contributing to your self harm, you need to get some professional help. This will start with a visit to your G.P.
• Consider counselling for any underlying issues such as low self-esteem, abuse, bullying, family conflict etc.
• Start to try and understand yourself and your emotions. For example write down when you self harm, how you feel before you do it, how you feel after, what triggered the self harm. This will help you identify patterns to your behaviour and emotions.
• Start to try and use other ways of expressing your emotions (see ‘alternatives to self harm’).
• Find people you can trust to talk to about your self harm and related issues. Build up a support network of people you can go to when you feel the urge to self harm.
• Talk to other people who have been through self harm.
• Try and understand more about the nature of self harm and your own particular triggers. There are many self help books available. The one I recommend is ‘The Scarred Soul’ by Tracy Alderman.
The key to me being released from a life centred around self-harm was discovering the value that my life had. When I was self-harming I didn't like myself, in fact I hated the person I was, I hated my looks, my body, my personality, my temperament, my interests. Everything about me. I thought it was all wrong and I was insignificant and unworthy. I couldn't interact or socialise well with others because I didn't think I was worthy of their time or friendship. How could anyone else think positively about me if I hated myself? Nothing I did I was good enough, and I strived for perfection in every area of my life and criticised myself constantly.
Before I could change my behaviours - the self-harm, isolation etc, I needed to change my thoughts. Your actions and attitudes come from your thoughts. If you think you are no good, you will behave as if you are no good through whatever means - self-harm, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, drug addictions etc. These behaviours then feed into your original belief that you are no good. For example, I keep self-harming, so I must be a bad person and a failure. A negative cycle is created and the behaviours continue.
A person cannot make any lasting changes to their behaviours without addressing the root issue and changing their thoughts about themselves, others and the world. Negative/faulty thoughts have often been with us for most of out lives, and people make the mistake of believing what their thoughts tell them. For example I used to think nothing I did was good enough, I believed this to be true and let the belief influence my life and behaviours. When in reality a lot of the things I did were good enough and worthy of recognition.
We must challenge and change our thinking to change our lives and remove any negative and destructive behaviours. I discovered that I had been created by a God of love and I was worthy of Jesus dying to save my life. I discovered I was loved beyond all measure and God had a future filled with hope and purpose and destiny for my life. I now let these thoughts influence my life. This means I no longer have a need to self harm. I know what my life is worth. I am content in who I am. My faith played a big part in my recovery, however it is possible to recover and move forward with other methods. I am here to support people no matter what their religious beliefs.
We all need to advance. We need to move forward and become bigger people than we currently are. Our lives were designed for advancement. However we often make excuses and put it off by waiting for perfect conditions. Be inspired to advance, to overcome despite your circumstances. Get rid of anything that is holding you back.
Books
USEFUL LINKS
www.mercyministries.co.uk
Mercy Ministries operates unique Christian residential support programmes all over the world for young women aged 16-28, dealing with problems such as eating disorders, self-harming, addictions, depression, suicidal tendencies, unplanned pregnancy and the consequences of abuse. Girls stay for approximately six months in one of their homes, receiving life skills training and professional counselling based on Christian principles.
Check out www.mercyministries.co.uk for more information about their amazing life transforming residential programme.
www.todayscc.org.uk
Today's Community Church is all about life. We want to live life to the full; give life to all we come in contact with; and help everyone live the awesome life that God says we can! That's why there’s so many different and great ways for you to discover everything you can be, whatever age you are.
The Party is our version of church! We call it The Party because that’s exactly what it is. We believe church should be exciting, fun, alive, and a great place to make new friends. Every Sunday the Party features a fast-paced mix of live music, creative video, life-applicable talks, and loads of opportunity for connection.
I attend Today's Community Church in Wigan. I met a God who was relevant to my life and loved me with more love than I thought possible. I found people who believed in me. People who taught me that I was here to win. People who accepted me just as I was, whilst seeing my potential and the person I could become. I found somewhere that valued my gifts, that released me to serve God and others, that taught me life is for living well. I met people that I am honoured to share my life with.
Heroes
People who are over-comers.
People who do not settle for a second rate life.
People who put in the hard work and the tears to battle through their issues and come out the other end stronger.
Will, for believing in me and never giving up on me.
The pictures on this site have been taken by Will Fisher. Check out www.flickr.com/photos/willfisher
free from harm's Details
Status:
Married
Hometown:
wigan
Religion:
Christian - other
Zodiac Sign:
Taurus
Occupation:
mental health nurse
free from harm i've not been here for ages, but i'm back now! please get in touch! Posted at 3:21 PM Feb 21 view more
‘Free from harm’ exists to give people hope they can be free from self harm. It aims to empower people to take charge of their own lives and future. Here you will find information to understand self harm – its functions, addictive nature, and how to recover.
It is intended for people who self harm, their families and friends, professionals such as teachers, nurses and youth workers who come into contact with people who self harm, and anyone wanting to find out more about the subject. Please check out my other website for further information www.freefromharm.co.uk
‘Free From Harm’ offers 1 to 1 support
Via email jane@freefromharm.co.uk
Or contact me through myspace
I am available for face to face support (when geographically possible) in partnership with ‘Today’s Community Church’ based in Wigan, Greater Manchester, England. I am also available to speak at your organisation, school, church etc about my own experience of self harm and how to help people who are self harming. Please email for more details.
My aim in creating ‘Free From Harm’ is to break some of the stigma attached to self-harm and let people know there are many people who self-harm that are misunderstood and viewed negatively. When in fact they have no other way of expressing their emotions. I want to give hope to anyone who self-harms. There is a better life for you, and with the right support you can get there. I understand the need to harm yourself to manage your emotions. I've been there, I know how it feels to have thoughts of wanting to harm your body constantly running through your head, and you can see no way out. I want to tell you there is a way out and there are alternatives. The journey towards being happier in yourself and with your life can be long and at times you want to give up and can see no hope for change. But there is hope. I've been there and I've come out the other end. At times I never thought I would, and I never thought my life would ever change or become better. But it has because I took charge of my own life and made the decision I wanted more than self-harm. If you are trying to stop self-harming I hope ‘Free From Harm’ can be of some support to you. It is not intended to glamorize self-harm or be a 'trigger' to thinking about cutting. It is intended to give hope.
ABOUT ME
I'm Jane and I used to self-harm. During that time I felt so alone, like I was the only person in the world that would ever think of dragging a razor or piece of broken glass across their skin in some attempt to cope with their emotional distress. For many years I told no-one of my struggles, fearing judgement and rejection. I battled with the addiction of self-harm for around 7 years. Ironically, for 5 of these years I was trying to stop self-harming, yet was trapped in the vicious cycle. Through the right support and the right mind set on my behalf (I wanted to get better), I can confidently say that self-harm is no longer a part of my coping strategy for life. My past and my self-harming is now something that I can actually be grateful for. Now I can use my experiences to give hope to others.
Along with my personal experience of self harm, I am a qualified mental health nurse and currently work within acute mental health inpatient services. I have worked with many people who self harm and witnessed both positive and negative nursing interventions. I would like to see the experiences of patients who self harm on the wards improve and would like to see staff better empowered to provide treatment and care.
My personal journey to recovery was not an easy one and it didn't happen over night. Many times I slipped up and thought I had failed God, myself and the people around me who cared about me. Many times I felt like giving up and just accepting a lonely and desperate life of self harm. However there was something inside me that knew this was not the life I was created to live. Part of me was scared of failing and not being able to overcome, but I didn't let this stop me trying and fighting for a better existence with all the strength I had. The biggest failure would have been for me to give up and accept my life as it was. Yes I had some moments of weakness, but I didn't give up. I learned from them and I and grew. It was worth the fight.
Self harm is a growing problem in our nations. Recent stastistics in the UK suggest up to 1 in 15 teenagers are currently self harming. However actual figures are likely to be much higher, as many people self harm in secret. I want to do my bit in tackling this growing problem that is destroying lives and families. People need to know there is hope and there is a way out.
WHAT IS SELF HARM?
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Self harm or self injury is the deliberate act of hurting yourself. It is something someone does to themselves, to cause deliberate harm. Self harm is often something done in secret and is hidden from others. Many people self harm secretly before having the courage to tell someone. Self harm provides temporary relief from emotional distress. However this relief is only short term and self harm does not address the person’s underlying issues. For example low self esteem.
Self harm is not to be confused with a suicide attempt. In fact many people who self harm describe it as their way to keep living and to avoid suicide. People who make serious attempts to harm themselves can be at risk from ‘accidental’ death through their self harm. This risk will be assessed by the professionals involved in their care.
Self harm is a symptom of another problem. It is a sign that all is not well and there is something else going on with the person.
There are many types of self-harming behaviours.
• Cutting the skin
• Burning the skin
• Banging the head or other part of the body against a hard surface
• Punching the face or body
• Hair pulling
• Self strangulation
• Overdoses of medication or harmful substances
• Swallowing foreign objects such as razor blades
• Inserting foreign objects into wounds
WHY DO PEOPLE SELF HARM?
It is hard for people to comprehend self-harm. It is a desperate attempt for the person to gain some control and manage their emotions.
It is important to remember that if the person had another way to do this they probably wouldn’t be self harming.
Self harm is a coping mechanism – a way to manage difficult emotions and situations. Although it is not a 'healthy' coping mechanism, it is a coping mechanism all the same. Research shows people who self-harm have not learned to 'self-sooth,' (make themselves feel better). For example, in early development comforting experiences from care givers may have been absent. This means as a child/young adult the person did not acquire the internal ability to comfort themselves when distressed. Therefore as an adult the person has limited advanced methods of coping, and self harm is used as a way to cope with life and emotions. Self harm changes the person’s ‘emotional state.’ For example, from an emotional state of anger and frustration, to peace and calmness after the act of self harm.
Self harm is a way to express emotions. People who self harm often have difficulties expressing themselves and making their needs know in a sophisticated way. For example, the person is unable to tell someone they are unhappy and ask for help, so they self harm as a way to communicate this distress. This is often a subconscious decision – especially in the early stages of self harm. It should not be confused with a person ‘attention seeking.’ Often people self harm in secret and people around them are unaware of their actions. The person may be unable to cry or talk to someone about their problems. Emotions then build up inside and the person turns to self harm to get rid of some of these negative feelings and pain.
For some people self harm is a survival tactic. It is a way to avoid suicide, a way to keep them alive. They self harm as an alternative to suicide, as a way to get themselves through painful experiences and overwhelming emotions.
FUNCTIONS OF SELF HARM
It is clear that people self harm for a reason. The fact that self harm can quickly become someone’s only coping strategy for life, shows us that self harm works for the person. It does something to help them, it has a purpose. This is why it is difficult for a person to stop self harming.
Some of the functions of self harm include:
• To relieve stress and anxiety
• Create a sense of 'calm’
• Shows the person they are in control of their body and emotions
• Makes the person feel 'real' or ‘alive’ again
• Is a distraction from the real problem
• Gives a visual sign of the pain on the inside
• Communicates distress to others
• A way to ‘punish’ oneself
• A way to regain control
• Escape from overwhelming emotions such as anger, fear, depression, frustration
• An outward expression of internal pain
• Research has shown self-harm releases endorphins in the brain (our 'feel good' hormones) giving a sense of satisfaction and relief
SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS
There are various sign and symptoms, or warning signs to look out for that may suggest someone is hurting themselves deliberately. However this is not an exhaustive list and if you have concerns about an individual you need to speak to them sensitively.
• Wearing long sleeved tops throughout summer
• Social isolation
• Frequent unexplained injuries
• Problems expressing emotions
• Blaming themselves for events/problems
• History of sexual/physical abuse
• Victim of bullying
• Low self esteem and confidence
• Highly self critical and sets high standards for personal performance
HELPING SOMEONE WHO SELF HARMS
When someone self harms they have run out of other options, and to help them they need to be provided with the tools to deal with and express their emotions, whilst addressing the underlying issues. Self harm is a symptom of a range of other problems. The self harm cannot be addressed in isolation. The root problem needs to be dealt with. For example, a trigger to someone beginning to self harm may have been their parents divorce. This has caused them to feel unloved and rejected, and they may blame themselves for the divorce. These feelings have been turned inwards and the person begins to self harm. Friends, teachers, professionals etc may become involved and try and encourage the person to stop self harming. However if the original reason why they started to self harm initially is not dealt with, i.e. the feelings of rejection and guilt, the person will not be able to let go of the need to self harm to manage these emotions. Looking at the reason behind the self harm is crucial.
Understand self harm is their way of dealing with stress and anxiety. They have limited other ways to do this. Therefore to try and stop the person harming all together can be detrimental. Don't say things such as 'Promise me you'll never do it again.' You are taking away the only way the person can deal with life and overwhelming emotions. Before someone can stop harming they need to learn other ways of coping with their emotions. Only then will they be able to let go of their self-harm. Remember harming themselves works for them. It helps, if only for the short term. Underlying issues must be addressed if someone is to be completely free from any life controlling issue. If it is just the behaviours that are addressed it is common for the person to simply move onto another maladaptive coping mechanism to keep their control over their life and emotions. For example eating disorders or drug/alcohol addictions.
Often when people who self harm come into contact with professionals, they find the experience a negative one. Often they are seen as not ‘deserving’ of treatment and care because they have inflicted their injuries themselves. This is extremely detrimental as it confirms a lot of the negative beliefs that people who self harm have about themselves. For example, that they are worthless, a bad person, undeserving of kindness and insignificant and inadequate. If they are treated this way by professionals it confirms the person’s original faulty beliefs about themselves and the negative cycle of self harm continues.
If you come into contact with someone who self-harms don't judge them, try and understand and see the pain on the inside they are desperately trying to express, through the only way they really know.
ALTERNATIVES TO SELF HARM
As stated elsewhere, to truly be free from self harm the root issue must be addressed and dealt with.
However there are ways to deal with the urges to self harm in the short term. Here are some suggestions.
• Write down how you are feeling (poem, song, letter etc)
• Talk to someone about your emotions and the trigger to self harm
• Don’t be alone – go for a walk or spend some time with friends
• Cry
• Scream
• Throw something non breakable
• Hold ice in your hands to feel physical pain
• Go to the gym
• Tell yourself you won’t self harm now but if you still want to tomorrow you will (urges are usually quite impulsive and if you can get through those moments the urges usually pass)
• Write words to describe your emotions on your skin (e.g. fear, frustration, anger etc)
• Use a punch bag!
• Talk to people who have been there – online discussion groups/Myspace etc.
• Play a musical instrument if you can
• Listen to some positive music (some music can be triggering)
• Sleep
• Have a relaxing bath (no razors)
• Count to 100
• Deep breathing relaxation exercises
• Ask someone to give you a hug...
Who I'd like to meet: Anyone who has self-harmed/still self-harming. Anyone who has experienced a friend or family member self-harming.
Anyone who works in the mental health profession with people who self-harm. Anyone who has been admitted to hospital for self-harm or related issues. I would like to know your experiences of being on a ward and the postive and negative ways you were treated by staff (what helped and what didn't). I can use your experiences to try and influence future care and treatment of people who self-harm on psychitaric wards.
I would also like to meet anyone passionate like me at removing the stigma from life controlling issues such as self-harm, and seeing people set free from their pain into the person God truly created them to be.
G'morning, how are you doing? I just wanted to stop by and say hi I havn't talked to you in awhile. Things are getting a little better than they have been. Anyhow have a wonderful saturday. ur friend Rose
Hooray. it's two years since I harmed my self. I wish i could say everything is better but I still struggle. I'm going through some tough times and it's hard. But I'm finding other ways to cope. That's a big thing for me. I hurt my self because I lack functional coping mechanisms. Self harm is just a dysfunctional coping mechanism. So, I try to find functional, productive ways to cope. I'm getting better. No matter what trial I'm going through now, I don't relapse. That is important to me. Sometimes all I can do is get through the night, get through one more day. But, that is one more day I don't hurt my self. That is one more victory. As they say in AA: If you don't feel it fake it. I fake it a lot but every day I fake it it feels more real. Every day I get healthier. I still struggle, but I strive to be healthy. I can only hope others will read this and find strength. It can be A hard road, but it feels a lot better than being self-destructive.
Just for to day. Just for today, I'll abstain. Just for today I'll tell myself every thing is alright. just for today I won't harm myself. just for today i will struggle through this. tomorrow i will re-evaluate.because things can't look as bad in the morning. right? no, screw that. this how you get through. even if it all you can do is to tell your self just for today. so i'm promising myself, just for to day, i won't i won't harm, i won't cut, i'll sleep on it. THINGS ALWAYS LOOK BETTER AFTER A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP. it get lonley in the late hours when your an insominac like me. but i promise myself, just for today, i won't do myself any harm. they say it in AA, but it's true: one day at a time. sometimes it takes all the strength you have to just make it one day. sorry i'm venting again. i am grateful to have a space where i can. it gets easier all the time, but i still have my moments of freak outs like now. it helps to write this. mostly to convince myself. thank you for the forum and support. i think i have a date with a pen in my very near future, so i should go. venting has calmed me enough to realize i need something to help cope/release. so, i going to go draw on myself.relapse is not an option. thanks again. having a space to spill my brain really help sometimes.
i just want to say thank you. i love having forums like this, where i can vent or struggle or do whatever i need. some times it's all that keeps me close to sane.i can not tell you how grateful i am that such venues exist. if they didn't, i may never have had the nerve to stop self-harm. i probably sound like a cliche, but knowing that there are others struggling, that i'm not alone, really helped me. so often, it seem i come around to vent when i'm in despair, it feels good to come to this page in calm and tranquil mind. for once i can just simply say thank you. thank you jane, for running this page and your continued comment and support. it really means a lot that stranger half a world a way will take their time to encourage me and help me convince myself to never give up. thank you to everyone else out there. knowing that there are people who struggle with the same issues helps me to not feel alone in my hard time. hearing the word of those that have recovered from this addictive practice gives me hope that this year and a half i've been away from harm can stretch on for the rest of my life. sorry, i can be winded sometimes.
Hey Jane how are you? its been a ery tough couple of weeks this end, but nans came out of hospital friday which was a relief, then i went in on saturday with a asthma attack, im still struggling to breath now. did you have a good birthday? im not looing forward to mine next week cause i have my course most of the day, although it was better last week! mind you maybe its better to be around people than be stuk on my own all day. take care love Angie xxxxx
Happy Birthday, Jane! I commend and congratulate You on your dedication and commitment worldwide, to equipping, enabling and empowering legions of people to "come to terms" with the many and myriad issues that attend self injury! Truly Jane, you were one of my 1st international friends I gained after coming on to MySpace in July 2006! Thank you, Jane, for the gift of your friendship and know how very Proud I am of YOU!
Happy birthay girl! Hope you have a fantastic one...Happy Mothers day too, if it applies. I am late for all of my well wishing...been busy with school and such. But, that doesn't mean I don't think of you often and send you positive thoughts.
G'afternoon, I am just taking one day at a time but the cravings are really strong so been sleeping alot and not really wanting to be around people, sometimes I think its better when I isolate myself from people until im feeling somewhat normal does that make any sense. how is your day going?
G'evening, how are things going for ya? I have been doing okay I suppose been struggling with cutting and burning again and nothing seems to be making sense but one day at a time is what people keeping telling me. Anyhow hope you have a great weekend. Rose
Hey Jane, how are you? im going to a group tonight to meet some new people, and meet up with two ppl from my anxiety course. im now doing a assertiveness course on a monday for 6 weeks, i hate it but my support worker runs it, so i have to go, and the worst thing is i have to go on my birthday boring!! im seing the doctor tomorrow really nervious, loadsa love and big hugs to you love Angie xxxxxx
so it's been a minute since i've come around. i'm sorry i'm here now because i want to relapse. but on the good side i'm about a year and a half off cutting. it's not an option any more. that's why, even though i want to I AM NOT DOING IT. instead i typing this. but, needless to say i'm having issues and having cravings and i want to relapse. i will not do that again i'd rather bore you all with this long comment because it's keeping my hands busy. it's a way i can talk about it and not actually self harm. i want it bad. more than i have in a long time. but the important part is that i don't. i mean we are all here cause we want to give it up. it helps me to have a venue like this to ramble or bitch or whatever. keep my hands on a keyboard, not a razor. i'm reminded of AA when they say one day at a time. so just for the next 24 hours, i will promise i will not self harm. i'll take the next days it comes. but things usually look better in the morning. i'm moaning, but, there is a way out. you can end it. it's not easy, but hurting and hating yourself isn't easy either. it can get better. i've seen it. even though i'm struggling now, i know it can get better and it's worth the struggle to get there.
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