Paul Ryan

About me:

I was born in Richfield, MN, a city which ironically has neither riches nor fields. My childhood was surprisingly molestation-free. At the age of 18, I grew bored of the suburbs and left to attend college at the equally boring University of Wisconsin-Superior.

After four years of heavy drinking, I woke up in a gutter with a bad hangover, a degree in journalism, and an unprofitable desire to perform theater. I made plans to audition for Second City in Chicago. Three months and mounds of debt later, I reluctantly took a newspaper reporter job near La Crosse, WI.

I spent four years being miserable in La Crosse, but having been molestation-free in my childhood, I was actually able to bounce back from adversity. I made plans to move to Los Angeles, because no one ever fails in Los Angeles. I dreamed every night of my destiny as a 28-year-old production assistant.

I'm now a temp at Fox Studios. Sometimes my paycheck smells like pee. For those interested in hiring me, please don't forget that unlike most candidates in L.A., I was not molested as a child, and therefore will not have self-esteem issues or violent mood swings. Thank you for your time.

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