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Benjamin's Interests
General
Guitar, Guitarists, Guitar stuff, Guitar Strings, Monkeys, Monkeys playing guitar, Guitar Pedals, Guitar Amplifiers, Guitar Straps, Sexual Intercourse (with the ladies), Guitar Pickups, Guitar Whammy Bars, Guitar Themed Furniture, Computers (mainly for looking at the ladies neked), Guitar Tuning Pegs, Guitar Picks, Guitar Pickguards, Do people actually read this, Guitar Trinkets, Guitars of the Bass Variety, Guitars of the Electric Variety, Donkey Shows, Graphic Design, Web Design, Guitar Books, Guitar DVD's, Guitar VHS's, Boobies, Guitar Shaped Pastry, Comedy, Acting, Theatre, Midget Wrestling, Guitars of the Classical Variety, Guitar Recording Equipment, and Quantum Physics
Music
311, Aerosmith, Alice in Chains, Audioslave, Barenaked Ladies, Beck, Black Sabbath, Bush, , Dave Matthews, David Bowie, Days of the New, Dire Straits, Eric Clapton, Everlast, Foo Fighters, Frank Zappa, Fuel, Green Day, House of Pain, Jane's Addiction, Jerry Cantrell, Jewel, Jimi Hendrix, Joe Satriani, Joe Walsh, John Mayer, Led Zeppelin, Live, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Metallica, Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana, No Doubt, Oasis, Pearl Jam, Phish, Pink Floyd, Queen, Rage Against the Machine, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Sheryl Crow, Silverchair, Smashing Pumpkins, Soundgarden, Steve Vai, Stone Temple Pilots, Tantric, Temple of the Dog, The Beatles, The Doors, The Eagles, The Who, Tool, U2, Violent Femmes, ZZ Top
Movies
American Booty, An Officer And A Genitalman, Analyze These, Apollo 69, Ball In The Family, Battlestar Orgasmica, Beverly Hills 9021-Ho!, Bi-Curious George, Bruce Allmeaty. Buffy The Vampire Layer, Butt Nuggets, Cheeks and Thongs: Up In Stroke,
Das Boob, Dawson's Crack, Dildo Baggins: Lord Of The Wangs, Edward Penishands,
Ejacula, Et: The Extra Testicle, Fill Bill, Forrest Hump, Good Will Humping, Hairy Pooter And The Sorcerer's Bone, Hung Wankenstein, Moulin Splooge, Oklahomo!,
Pulp Friction, Rambone, Rear And Pleasant Danger, Scrotal Recall, Shaving Ryan's Privates, Sperms Of Endearment, Tea Bagger Vance, The Boobyguard, The Humpback Of Nasty Dames, The Sperminator, What's Eating Gilbert's Grapes?, Willy Wanker And The Fudge Packing Factory, Yank My Doodle, It's A Dandy, and Finding Nemo
Television
Angel, Animaniacs, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Batman Beyond, Batman: The Animated Series, Battlestar Galactica, Bones, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dexter, Doctor Who, Entourage, ER, Firefly, Gilmore Girls, Heroes, House, Justice League, Justice League Unlimited, Law and Order: SVU, Medium, Metalocalypse, Monk, My Name is Earl, Mythbusters, Newsradio, Nip/Tuck, Numbers, Pinky and the Brain, Rescue Me, Robot Chicken, Scrubs, Seinfeld, Star Trek: TNG, DS9, and Voyager, Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1, Superman: The Animated Series, The Boondocks, The Closer, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, The Job, The Office, The Office (UK), The Unit, Veronica Mars, Weeds
Books
Where's Waldo?, Where's Waldo Now?, Where's Waldo - The Fantastic Journey, Where's Waldo - In Hollywood!, Where's Waldo - The Wonder Book, Where's Waldo - The Great Picture Hunt, War and Peace, and Everybody Poops
Hazelwood East High
St Louis,Missouri
Graduated: 1999
Student status: Alumni
Degree: High School Diploma
Major: Excessive Slacking
Minor: Sleeping through Spanish
Clubs: President of Thespian Troupe 1220, Head Cheerleader, Jud, Captain of Football Team, Treasurer of the "Students Against Evil Badgers"
Greek:
Omicron Omicron Omicron
1995 to 1999
Harvard University
Cambridge, MA
Graduated: 1975
Student status: Alumni
Degree: Ph.D.
Major: Guitar Anthropology and Riffgistics
Minor: Being a Lying Bastard
Clubs: The Lying About Going to Harvard Cadets
Greek:
Mu Mu Mu
1971 to 1975
Yale University
New Haven, CT
Graduated: 1974
Student status: Alumni
Degree: Ph.D.
Major: Whackin' It
Minor: Erotic Botany
Clubs: How to be President Without Really Trying, Skull & Bones, Femur & Coccyx, The Yale Yelling Yalpers, Writing Poetry to Get Chicks Club
Greek:
Alpha Omega
1970 to 1974
Oxford University
Oxford, United Kingdom
Graduated: 2011
Student status: Alumni
Degree: Postdoctoral
Major: English as a Second Language
Minor: Sipping Tea
Clubs: The Oxford Society of Pretentiousness, Crumpet Connoisseurs, The Extra Sticky Wickets, The "Use Cricket Gear to Play Baseball" Club, Food Boiling for Dummies
Greek:
Xi Xi Xi
My storied past begins in Catholic grade school. I was a chubby lad who was picked on by the masses. When I would go to buy my school uniform I would have to look in the “husky” section. How cruel. But I would prevail from my formative years to become the “world’s most humorous high school student”. You might be thinking I have a giant ego making a claim like that...but I can back that claim up...for I was deemed “Most likely to host a late night talk show” by my high school theater troop. How much more proof do you need?
In the latter years of my high school days I met a Canadian fellow who taught me the ways of the guitar. I learned a bunch of chords and scales and turned myself into the world’s 4,678th greatest guitarist. I write my own songs (though I haven’t finished a single one) and I know several very impressive guitar licks (though I never play them right.) I am “THE FROGMAN.” The froggiest guitar playing, joke telling, man of them all. Though I do not yet consider myself an official man…for I have not killed any furry animals with my bare hands to enter passage into manhood. I did once strangle a fish…and that fish was asking for it. You are probably saying, “Strangling a fish is easy.” You would be wrong my friend. Those fish are slippery bastards. If you do not squeeze them just right they go soaring through the air. But…if you get the proper grip just above the gills…their eyes just pop out, thus blinding the enemy and giving you the advantage.
Today I am in limbo. I do nothing. But hopefully soon that will all change. And when it does...I will go forth to be the most humorous guitar playing, fish strangling human...ever...and you will all say...”I use to be his myspace friend.”
More Silliness:
Hover for caption, click for full size.
Who I'd like to meet: I would like to meet Hitler. Just so I could kick him in the balls.
Music: Here are some songs that I and some friends have recorded over the years. Pick a song and play away. It may take a second to load at first.
Hey there, actually the overdrive is just my old Traynor Guitar Mate cranked up to the sweet spot. There is no finer OD than that which comes from saturated EL84's. I do use the old Rat still on the higher gain portions, and the fuzzy parts are a ZVex Fuzz Factory. Thanks for the love broseph.
I love your photoshopping - I want more, more, more!!!!! How's everything on your end? Did you hear I'm moving OUT of the boonies??? Yep, up to the Quad Cities in Iowa. Wait... would you consider ALL of Iowa the boonies? Hm....
No... no baby yet. I am 34 of 40 weeks. He sure is growing fast! According to my books, now he weighs close to a bag of sugar. That's a lot bigger than a gummy bear!
It's excellent to hear from you sir. Hope things keep getting better. Things are good in these parts; working, traveling around (went to the NAMM show!!), got a couple of bands going on. It's hard to complain, but I do it nonetheless.
