Help My Company (PLEASE READ THIS)
However, the Powers that Be at UPS, my place of employment, are actively bribing us to drum up business, and they're ENCOURAGING us to utilize web communities. I'm very into being bribed, so I'm okay with this.
And I'll tag anyone in my friends list, hoping they'll tag two friends, and their friends will tag two friends, and so forth and so forth like bad 1970s shampoo commercials.
Here's what I'm looking for: new business for United Parcel Service (UPS).
If you are the decision-maker for how packages get shipped in your household or company, ask yourself these questions; if not, go to the decision-maker and ask him or her:
1. Are we shipping via UPS? (If yes, thank you. You're keeping me employed.)
2. Are we using UPS exclusively? (If yes, bigger thank you, and a hug.)
If your answer is "no" to either question, don't try to think of a reason (or excuse) why. Just, if you're willing to be open-minded and allow me to get someone from our sales team to talk to you about options, let me know how to contact you outside of MySpace.
(If you already have five million reasons that you think UPS stinks, I don't want to hear any of them. They hired me when no one else in this economy would, including Fed-Ex. Want me to stop working for UPS? Hire me, then bribe me to drum up business. I can be open-minded too.)
What you get in return for this:
I work for the UPS tracking department. And I kick BUTT in there. When I track a package, it gets really good and tracked, by golly.
If you're using Fed-Ex or another shipping company, you have zero chance of getting me on the line when you have to call in to track something.
However, if you have to call UPS to track a shipment, you could, conceivably, get me on the line.
I'm not saying this is some sort of once-in-a-lifetime celebrity encounter ... I'm just saying that I will tell you what's up with your package, I will help you to the utmost of my ability, and I will do whatever I have to do to make sure that, when you hear UPS, your first memory will be of that last positive experience, so we can get down to the business of creating the next one.
In short, do what you can to help me not get laid off due to budgetary constraints ever again, and I will do what I can to get your stuff delivered.