Other dogs butts, that freakin' cat next door, my car ( I love my car), meditating on the death of all squirrels, other deep stuff.
Music
I quite like the songs I hear coming out of my house guests studio from time to time but I think it's fair to say I don't hear a lot of other music.
Movies
Hard to Hold...now please, put the gun down.
Television
Who is the moron who took Ren and Stimpy off the air?? The only half way decent show with a dog as the star. Thank God for 'Itchy and Scratchy', though why they surround this 'monument to the evisceration of the kitty cat' with meaningless human cartoon shenanigans is beyond me.
Books
'Marley and me' is right up there but I would have to include in this list 'Moby Dick', 'War and Peace' and ' Love in the time of Cholera'. ( Okay, I haven't really READ any of these books yet but as soon as I am done licking my private's I'll get right on it.
About me:
So there I was (a year old) sitting on Death Row, an hour from being 'put to sleep' as you humans so euphemistically call it, when I got a reprieve from a nice lady called Pat. She came and saved my ass and just when I think I had a good solid home with her, palmed me off on to this strange guy in Malibu (where ever that is). But as things go with us dogs, after the first minute and a half of him being in my new home, we were inseparable (unlike my testicles which I had to forfeit and leave with the warden...kind of like a biological 'get out of jail free' card). So one minute I'm scratching at fleas and looking at deaths door, the next I'm whisked away to live by the sea in comfort and splendor.
My guardian is called Rick I think and my name is either 'No', 'F@!#ing dog' or 'Gomer'. I think only one is my given name...the others are probably 'pet' names.
I am 14 years old and have lived with my family for about 13 years, 26 days and 11 hours....no wait....12 hours...but who's counting. Certainly not me.
I have a good life, being driven (by my chauffeur, who is also called Rick and, oddly enough, looks a lot like the guy who shares my house with me) to see my friends around town. Damn paparazzi get me now and then which is a bummer when I'm out because I am expected to rip all intruders "a new one" but at 14, he can damn well do it himself, that Rick guy ..or his chauffeur ..whoever happens to be in the vicinity.
Okay, I hear cats out the back so I gotta go.
Toodles
Love,
Gomer (aka: Scooby/F@!#ing Dog/No)
Who I'd like to meet: Lassie (to hump her), George Bush (to bite his nutsack), God (to ask him why humans get 70-80 years and we dogs only get 18-19 max.....oh, and also to ask about the avocado seed).
