With the intense heat here in DC, I have compiled a list of observations. Feel free to add to it if you think of something I've left out.
1) I know it's hot, but no one wants to see you flabby ass in a speedo or bikini at the pool. Cover up with more than just sunscreen, Shamu. This is the reason that I will never wear a bikini - because I don't want people talking about me like this.
2) All liquids do not hydrate. If you're going to play kickball in 100 degree heat, beer may not be your best option.
3) Guys cannot eat popsicles without looking just a little bit gay. Just an observation.
4) I know you look good in leather, bikerman, but you're going to die - if not from your deathmobile then from cooking from the inside out in your ridiculous getup.
5) I never liked New Kids on the Block. I still don't. So, when you hear me singing their new radio release as I'm jamming to the radio in the morning it's only to drown out the sound of their voices.
On another note....
There was a great commercial on tv the other day. It was totally different than anything I'd ever seen. The fact that I was watching tv was out of the norm too, but that's beside the point.
A little girl is standing in front of an audience in a school auditorium. She timidly walks up tot he microphone, introduces herself, and dedicates her performance to one of her friends. She then commences to trashtalk the friend in front of everyone. The shot flashes on the audience's stunned face and back to her as she finishes, curtsies, and says thank-you. The voiceover sounds as the screen fades to black. It says, "If you wouldn't say it out loud, don't say it on the internet," and the following words appear: "Delete cyberbullying. Don't write it. Don't forward it." Intense.
Luckily, I don't like to bitch about people over the internet. I do it in person. Problem solved. Until next time...