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Contemplation of Existence
The daily struggle of surviving is a war I am slowly losing
This constant battle of maintaining a facade of well being
It is the war within my soul
Always the feeling of being incomplete, not knowing
Who I am, where I belong begs the question of my continued existence
Where do I find the happiness within my heart, the light to guide my soul
Darkness surrounding, hounded by failures of a tortured past
There is no future only the recurring awakening to a constant present
It is said the sins of the father will visit the sin
Then for what sins am I to pay for
What within me keeps me from seeing the world
With the wonderment of a child's eye
My sight so jaded that my vision is blind
My mind's eye so clouded
All I see are shadows of destruction
Make no promises to me for I am slowly fading
No matter what you say happiness is just a mere illusion
Nothing more then a mockery of what I want to be
Like the sands of the hourglass my life slips away
I am forgotten, no past, no present, no future
I cannot break away from all the hurt and pain inside
Alone inside my mind, it consumes me, fuels me
To strive through the next hardship for hardship is all I see
Snakes in the grass patiently waiting to poison my withering soul
Pain, loneliness, uncertainty, grief
My only and constant companions
I need not be told I am worthless
For this is something seeded
Rooted deeply within
From the pain of birth to the pain of death
All I do is suffer painfully, endlessly
Each new encounter another wound for me to suffer
Pity not for me for this is my lot
Paid in full by death's blissful embrace
For I am no one
A memory now lost ...
Copyright©2002 M. T. Perkins
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