GraceNAngels is a Survivor

Who I'd like to meet:

www.abusefreedom.com WWW.STOPCHILDPORN.COMz WWW.COM.MYSPACE/FLOWERS_OF_MAUI WWW.COM.MYSPACE/ABUSEFREEDOM WWW.COM.MYSPACE/ABUSEFREEDOMUNITED------------------------------------------------------------------ Domestic Violence Violence Against Women Do you ever feel that if it wasn't for you, your partner's life would be perfect? Is this not what you have been "told" often enough. When was the last time you were body checked into the wall? His response? "You were standing in his way, again, you !::!::!" As a survivor of spousal abuse, I empathize. You must find the strength to protect yourselves, and your children, who are also being traumatized. You know it is time to go--for the body checking has just become the daily routine, and there is so much more...when do you think he may go over the edge? Newspaper headline reads: woman miscalculated, dead now, children will be put up for adoption. We are a 'society made-gender biased' culture. There will be little change if society does not change it's views on women, and on men's code of conduct. These links have been added for those directed here from the "double standards" webpage. Denigrating those searching for support in our club, by their having added our messages to their website, does not solve the domestic violence crisis, they still have not sent the petition "in support of children, women, and men" to their members. • petition A 'False' Claim of Abuse Is Not Necessarily a Lie The parent who makes an allegation with insufficient evidence or a mistaken but good-faith allegation should not be lumped together with the malicious parent who deliberately fabricates an allegation. (womensenews.org) Women's Credibility Doubted in Many Family Courts The mother, who is required by law to report abuse, finds herself virtually in the dock--quizzed, examined, doubted--treated, she feels, as though she were a perjurer, as though her only objectives were to selfishly punish her daughter and ex-partner. She is disbelieved by judges, lawyers, child protective services and experts, categorized as an angry, unbalanced woman trying to bring another innocent man down with malicious fabricated allegations. (womensenews.org) Biases Court Systems Hurts Mothers That statement would have once shocked me, but no more. Nor am I surprised when I read that a family court judge has awarded custody of a 3-year-old girl to the father who has violently beaten her mother. I do not even lift an eyebrow when a 2-year-old boy, who comes home from unsupervised visitation with his dad, has a diaper filled with his own rectal blood and that same child is later turned over to his father on a full-time basis. And when a mother is thrown into jail, denied the right to ever see her children again, because she brought up the issue of child abuse in a family court, I'm sickened, but not shocked. (womensenews.org) Battered Husband Syndrome & the CTS Conflict Tactics Scale CTS may give a false impression that a woman may be as abusive as a man (DV Facts & Myths) "There are three major flaws in Straus' work. The first is that he used a set of questions that cannot discriminate between intent and effect [16]. This socalled Conflict Tactics Scale (or CTS) equates a woman pushing a man in self-defense to a man pushing a woman down the stairs [17]. It labels a mother as violent if she defends her daughter from the father's sexual molestation. It combines categories such as "hitting" and "trying to hit" despite the important difference between them [18]. Because it looks at only one year, this study equates a single slap by a woman to a man's 15 year history of domestic terrorism. Even Steinmetz herself says the CTS studies ignore the difference between a slap that stings and a punch that causes permanent injury [19]. Indeed, after analyzing the results of the U.S. National Crime Surveys, sociologist Martin Schwartz concluded that 92% of those seeking medical care from a private physician for injuries received in a spousal assault are women [20]. The NCS study shows that one man is hospitalized for injuries received in a spousal assault for every 46 women hospitalized [21]..." (NOMAS.org) The Battered Husband Controversy (quoted from: http://www.zip.com.au/~korman/dv/controversy) Are men deciding not to report their wives' violence, out of chivalry or embarrassment? The evidence we have doesn't support this assumption. For example, Schwartz (1987), analysing nine years' worth of US National Crime Survey data, found that 67.2% of men and 56.8% of wives called the police after an assault by their spouse. Rouse et al (1988) also found that men were more likely to call the police, and Kincaid (1982) found that men were more likely to press charges and less likely to drop them. (zip.com.au/~korman/dv/controversy) Battered Wives Often Recant or Assume Blame, by Lakshmy Parameswaran, WomensEnews.org "Men who batter women can be reputable. They can be good ball players, carpenters, lawyers and executives. They can even be good friends and leaders. This is precisely why women, inexplicably to outsiders, stay with them. The women start thinking that, since the men have a "good" reputation, it must be their fault when they are abusive at home. This is not to say that women don't ever provoke their men or retaliate against them. Few women are angels who suffer in silence. Mabely Lugo may indeed have a tendency to exaggerate as she herself admitted in court. The fact remains, however, that when the police arrived, she was found sitting in her van crying with a bump and bruises, while he had gone inside the stadium to do his job--play ball. It's an all-too typical scenario." "In 1995, Texas joined other states in abolishing spousal privilege in cases involving spousal violence. This eliminated the right of victims to refuse to testify against their abusive spouses. I was a family-violence counselor then and I was happy to see this amendment of the spousal-privilege statute because it affirmed family violence as a crime against the state and removed the opportunity for perpetrators and their lawyers to pressure the victims against testifying. When a victim asserts herself--by leaving the perpetrator or by testifying against him--she is placing herself in grave danger. With the new law, a wife could now testify and say truthfully that she had no choice. While the prosecution can build a case without the victim's cooperation, a victim's testimony adds strength, for she may be the only witness to the crime. [...] Of the misdemeanor family violence cases, only 1 out of 9 or 10 victims testified for the prosecution in our county in 2002. The rest either didn't show or testified for the defense," says Stuti Patel, assistant district attorney for Fort Bend County." (By Lakshmy Parameswaran, WomensEnews.org) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Triggers & Desensitization This information below I found extremely helpful with learning and dealing with my triggers of the past abuse. I hope the people that are reading this find this information help. (I will apologize because I do not know where I gathered this information. I had it saved for a very long time and don't know where I received this info. If anyone knows could you please let me know so I can add their name to this page? Thank you.) This is something that I came across a long time ago and found it very helpful with my triggers and dealing with PTSD. I hope this information is helpful for you and dealing with your triggers. (I will apologize for not putting a name of the site that provided this information, I can't recall who it was...so if anyone does please email me and let me know, thanks.) "Throughout the course of a day your senses and perceptions take in an enormous amount of data which they correlate and then translate into reactions. These reactions may be in the form of thoughts, words, actions, or beliefs. Every reaction an individual has is totally based on past experience or experiences that the individual's mind correlate as being as close to the current situation as possible. Reactions can change as the focus of the individual's thoughts and concerns change. As an individual recovers their abusive history, their focus is changed and subsequently their reactions are also changed. Triggers are words, symbols, situations, items, sounds, smells, colours just about anything that the mind correlates to a negative past experience and causes a reaction based on it. As an individual's focus changes, things that once did not cause them to react, now do. However, the reverse is also true. As the individual comprehends these triggers and integrates a new meaning of them into their perceptions OF THEIR OWN CHOOSING, then what was once a trigger is no longer. It is a simple as that, however, the practicing can take some time, dedication and determination on the part of the survivor. Even triggers that are part of a programmed response for a survivor are defused under essentially the same principle. Part of what makes dealing with triggers so difficult is in determining what the trigger is exactly. Some survivors hace a delayed reaction to some triggers. Triggers can also be cumulative in nature. For instance, a survivor encounters three distinct or dominant sounds over a two day period that exactly match the sounds experienced from the past. No reponse or even cognitive recognition may occur for the first two sounds, but at the third one, the survivor has a distinct reaction. It is difficult for the survivor to retrieve the first two sounds and may therefore not connect that the third sound was the final part of the trigger, especially if there were many other things occurring at the same instant that the third sound went off. The survivor may be looking to one of those rather than at the sound. For instance the third sound may have been a buzzer on the microwave or alarm clock, which the survivor hears on a regular basis without any negative reaction at all. But, that same buzzer in connection with two other preceding sounds made the cumulative stimuli into a trigger creating a notable reaction. In order for a survivor to begin determining what is triggering them, they must listen to their body sensations and responses. Even at the first sound the survivor might have felt their stomach tighten, felt a brief moment of switching (as their mind was logging the sound) or felt a flash of emotion (such as anxiety or fear). It may have lasted only for a second but because the survivor did not note or recognize what their body was trying to tell them, the event passed without being dealt with....a survivor, multiple or not, never thinks says or does or believes ANYTHING without a reason. It does not matter the degree, type or longevity of the abuse survived, just any survivor. That makes up the majority of humans living on the face of the earth. If a survivor will listen to their body realizing that there IS a reason why it is doing or feeling what it is, then they can begin the process of desensitization and deprogramming. It is the first and most crucial step in both processes. Look at how much time you, as a survivor, multiple or not, spend on your own practicing new coping skills and mechanisms or how much time you spend getting in touch with your body that your level of committment begins to show. Take a few minutes to write beside each of the following things in this list how much time per week you spend on them. It does no good to deceive yourself or increase the true amount. It is time to get honest with yourself about your survival. Do not answer on a 'per average week' basis. How much time did you spend LAST WEEK on the following things. You may find it helpful to keep a running track from week to week so taht you are allotting the time that is required to effectively meet the responsibilites to yourself and your survival. How Much Time Did You Spend This Week On: 1. Learning a totally new coping skill? ______________ 2. Practising a totally new coping skill? ______________ 3. Getting in touch with your body sensations through massage or other means? ______________ 4. Being consciously aware of your body signals? ______________ 5. Learning about your current coping skills? ______________ 6. Preparing, through various types of journalling or mapping, for your next therapy session? ______________ 7. Discovering why, what, and who inside your Unit/system reacted to a certain situation in a certain way? ______________ 8. Why you were feeling depressed, angry or any other feeling(s) in a specific situation, past or present? ______________ 9. Letting your various child components (if multiple) or inner child side (if non-multiple) out to do something they wanted to do? ______________ 10. Direct open-minded communication with your child components or inner child side? ______________ 11. Direct interaction with your child components or your inner child side? (The adult being with the children or adult side with the child inside, playing, singing, or doing a project TOGETHER? ______________ 12. Giving yourself and/or your components positive affirmations and/or comments? ______________ 13. Giving yourself and/or your components positive reinforcement by looking at a situation that might have been difficult or negative and looking for the good or positive? _______________ If your answer is you didn't have time, take a look for a moment at how much time you spent in a state of crisis or dysfunction. Taking a little extra time to work on the things in the list above will reduce the amount of time you spend in crisis and dysfunction...The degree to which you take responsibility and make conscious choices is the degree to which your life will by yours again. Once you start listening to your body you will start unravelling the 'trigger mystery'. Then what? In some cases, simply recognizing what the trigger was taht caused a certain response, then discovering what past experience or experiences the trigger(s) is correlating to, will release the significance. I call it association defusing. Associating A: the trigger + B: the experience = C: realization and defusion of the trigger. This is especially true of non-programmed trigger reponses. For the majority of survivors, association with perhaps a little therapy around the recalled experience will end the significance and power of the trigger(s). There is no set group of triggers that are universal to all or the majority of survivors, programmed or not. Triggers can also be calender dates, celestial conditions and/or major holidays. Survivors need to be especially careful that they do not set up (consciously or unconsciously) a response to a trigger because they learn that other survivors with seemingly similar histories or stories, react to that trigger. Reaction to a predisclosed trigger DOES NOT validate your memories. Nor does the way in which you react validate your memories. You must validate your own memories and experiences. For programmed survivors (survivors who hae been purposefully and methodically conditioned to repond in a specific way to a specific trigger) the solution is a little more complex and time consuming. Trigger responses of a programmed nature have a sequential life of their own. They have a pattern and a chain of psychological and/or physiological reactions that take place. The survivor must unravel not only A: what the trigger is, B: what the experience(s) is, but also C: what the instructions were, D: who gave the instructions [if not name of individual then the perceived significance of the individual or voice] E: what were the ramifications, either realized or perceived, to not giving the proper reaction, all before the survivor can fully comprehend how it equals to F: the trigger response. I do not recommend that a programmed survivor attempt to go through this process without the assistance of a trained and qualified therapist. It is extremely easy to lose touch with reality as a programmed survivor and in many cases, you can be actually reinforcing the programming rather than defusing or at least disarming it. In order to totally defuse the trigger response a survivor must complete the aforementioned equational steps, however, the survivor can begin desensitization to the trigger which will disarm it temporarily while working on defusing. It is important that you do not leave a programmed trigger in the disarmed state. If a cult perpetrator wished to reactivate a programmed trigger response that has only been disarmed it is a relatively simple procedure. Just because a survivor no longer reacts to a trigger does not necessarily imply that they have discovered and are cognizant of why it triggered then in the first place. Desensitization Desensitization involves establishing a new more desirable conditioned response to a trigger. In other words, changing the old trigger to a new one. As you can see, it does not mean that the survivor no longer responds to the trigger. What it does mean is that they respond in a different and hopefully more positive and productive way of their own choosing. I caution survivors to take an active role in determining what that new response should be. Only you can determine if it is actually more positive and productive internally. Desensitization typically takes the form of subjecting the survivor to a known trigger in a controlled, supportive environment in longer and longer periods of time until they are able to respond with the new, preestablished response. Then they are exposed to the trigger under less controlled circumstances with the survivor's normal environment while still accompanied by a support person until they are able to respond with the new response. The final step is to have the survivor experience the trigger under normal circumstances with a normal environmental setting until they can respond with the new response. The final step is to have the survivor experience the trigger under normal circumstances within a normal circumstances within a normal setting until they are able to repond with the new response. When they are capable of doing the final step, they should be able to encounter the trigger in any situation and use the new response that has been made instinctual by the above outlined process. This is the technique of many phobia experts. It can be a rather long and drawn out process depending upon the determination of the survivor to change the trigger response and how ingrained or habitual the old trigger has become. There are no true shortcuts for successful desensitization. Many therapists and survivors skip steps here and there or stop after the first time the new response is used. Other trigger responses, usually programmed, that could require initial desensitization are self-mutilative acts, suicidal acts, homicidal acts, reporting a person to a cult programmer or perpetrator, sexual acts, eating habits and so forth". Never give up!!!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You Were Meant To Shine When darkness falls upon you And the world has been unkind Be strong and know you will survive You were meant to shine When loneliness is your only friend And the clouds hide all your light Raise your head and look to the sky You were meant to shine Z When the pain you feel inside Covers every single piece of joy Remember the light will find a way through You were meant to shine Look into the sky, wish upon a star Believe with all your heart Know that you will find your way You were meant to shine Donna Webster --------------------------------------------------------------------------- History Women Take Back the Night is an international event, with marches and rallies occurring around the world since 1976. In that year, in Belgium, women attending the International Tribunal on Crimes Against Women walked together holding candles to protest the ways in which violence permeates the lives of women worldwide. The highlight of Take Back the Night is the "candlelight" march, which will take place at the Belk Tower. As part of the worldwide movement to "take back the night," women will walk without fear through the night and reclaim the streets, which for many years have been sources of fear and violence. Another significant aspect of Take Back the Night is the survivor testimonials. This serves as a safe place for survivors of sexual violence to come forward with testimonials, often sharing their experiences for the first time. The purpose of this year's Take Back the Night is to create an atmosphere of zero tolerance of violence against women by: * Increasing community awareness of issues of violence against women, and its interrelationship with all other forms of discrimination; * Educating ourselves and others about the extent and the nature of the violence that is systematically used against women to keep us from becoming powerful, autonomous individuals; Honoring the memory of the victims of violence against women and celebrating its survivors; * Serving as a collective voice for women to demand a world in which women's bodies, minds and souls are not targets of violence; * Empowering individual men and women to take direct action against violence, whether it be through speaking out, lobbying, voting or some other form of activism; * Providing the leadership to challenge organizations and institutions to implement policies and initiatives which are effective in addressing issues of violence against women. The Clothesline Project consists of t-shirts, each of which depicts an act of violence against a woman. The project educates, documents and raises society's awareness of the magnitude of violence against women. Shirts and materials will be available for participants to decorate, beginning at Noon. By creating and hanging their shirt out in the open, women can leave behind some of the pain and begin the healing process. The Clothesline itself symbolizes a lifeline to help survivors join together in support of one another. It is also a way of airing society's "dirty laundry." Most importantly, the compelling display celebrates women's strength and courage to overcome the past. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Letter To My Sister: The Way Out by Voncele Savage This book helps remove the pain of abuse. The author zshares part of her personal story in an intimate way, while helping to lead others out of the belly of despair. DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE 3200 ANIMAL SHELTERS IN THE U.S.A.? THERE ARE ONLY 1700 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTERS!!! A book of wisdom and shared experiences that addresses the issue of abusive and dysfunctional marriages, especially in the church. It is a great testament of faith and freedom in Christ; an inspirational memoir that guides the reader through a process that should be followed in any relationship. Pastor's wives and women in leadership are recognized for the dichotomy of their lives, because they are called upon to keep it real, while at the same time being looked upon as special or elite. Men should read this book to enhance their marital relationship. It is a wake up call to those that place emotional abuse secondary to physical abuse.This book enlightens and challenges pastors to acknowledge that abuse exists in the church and to minister effectively to those involved.------------------------------------------------------------------ Abuse Amy's finger was so swollen that she couldn't get her ring off. She didn't think her finger was broken because she could still bend it. It had been a week since her dad shoved her into the wall, but her finger still hurt a lot. Amy hated the way her dad called her names and accused her of all sorts of things she didn't do, especially after he had been drinking. It was the worst feeling and she just kept hoping he would stop. What Is Abuse? Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, or a combination of any or all of those. Neglect — when parents or guardians don't take care of the basic needs of the children who depend on them — can also be a form of abuse. Physical abuse is often the most easily spotted form of abuse. It may be any kind of hitting, shaking, burning, pinching, biting, choking, throwing, beating, and other actions that cause physical injury, leave marks, or produce significant physical pain. Sexual abuse is any type of sexual contact between an adult and anyone 18 or younger, or between a significantly older child and a younger child. If a family member sexually abuses another family member, this is called incest. Emotional abuse can be difficult to pin down because there may not be physical signs. Emotional abuse happens when yelling and anger go too far or when parents constantly criticize, threaten, or dismiss kids or teens until their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. Emotional abuse can hurt and cause damage just as physical abuse does. Neglect is probably the hardest type of abuse to define. Neglect occurs when a child or teen doesn't have adequate food, housing, clothes, medical care, or supervision. Emotional neglect happens when a parent doesn't provide enough emotional support or deliberately and consistently pays very little or no attention to a child. But it's not neglect if a parent doesn't give a kid something he or she wants, like a new computer or a cell phone. Family violence can affect anyone. It can happen in any kind of family. Sometimes parents abuse each other, which can be hard for a child to witness. Some parents abuse their kids by using physical or verbal cruelty as a way of discipline. Abuse doesn't just happen in families, of course. Bullying is a form of abusive behavior. Bullying someone through intimidation, threats, or humiliation can be just as abusive as beating someone up. People who bully others may have been abused themselves. This is also true of people who abuse someone they're dating. But being abused is no excuse for abusing someone else. Abuse can also take the form of hate crimes directed at people just because of their race, religion, abilities, gender, or sexual orientation. Recognizing Abuse It may sound strange, but people sometimes have trouble recognizing that they are being abused. Recognizing abuse may be especially difficult for someone who has lived with it for many years. A person might think that it's just the way things are and that there's nothing that can be done. People who are abused might mistakenly think they bring it on themselves by not acting right or by not living up to someone's expectations. Someone growing up in a family where there is violence or abuse may not know that there are other ways for family members to treat each other. A person who has only known an abusive relationship may mistakenly think that hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, or angry name-calling are perfectly normal ways to treat someone when you're mad. Seeing parents treat each other in abusive ways might lead a child to think that's a normal relationship. But abuse is not a normal or healthy way to treat people. If you're not sure you are being abused, or if you suspect a friend is, it's always OK to ask a trusted adult or friend. Why Does It Happen? If you're one of the thousands of people living in an abusive situation, it can help to understand why some people abuse — and to realize that the violence is not your fault. Sometimes abusers manipulate the people they are abusing by telling them they did something wrong or "asked for it" in some way. But that's not true. There is no single reason why people abuse others. But some factors seem to make it more likely that a person may become abusive. Growing up in an abusive family is one factor. Other people become abusive because they're not able to manage their feelings properly. For example, someone who is unable to control anger or can't cope with stressful personal situations (like the loss of a job or marriage problems) may lash out at others inappropriately. Alcohol or drug use also can make it difficult for some people to control their actions. Certain types of personality disorders or mental illness might also interfere with a person's ability to relate to others in healthy ways or cause people to have problems with aggression or self-control. Of course, not everyone with a personality disorder or mental illness becomes abusive. Fortunately, abuse can always be corrected. Everyone can learn how to stop. What Are the Effects of Abuse? When people are abused, it can affect every aspect of their lives, especially self-esteem. How much abuse harms a person depends on the situation and sometimes on how severe the abuse is. Sometimes a seemingly minor thing can trigger a big reaction. Being touched inappropriately by a family member, for example, can be very confusing and traumatic. Every family has arguments. In fact, it's rare when a family doesn't have some rough times, disagreements, and anger. Punishments and discipline — like removing privileges, grounding, or being sent to your room — are normal. Yelling and anger are normal in parent–teen relationships too — although it can feel pretty bad to have an argument with a parent or friend. But if punishments, arguments, or yelling go too far or last too long it can lead to stress and other serious problems. Teens who are abused (or have been in the past) often have trouble sleeping, eating, and concentrating. They may not do well at school because they are angry or frightened, or because they can't concentrate or don't care. Many people who are abused distrust others. They may feel a lot of anger toward other people and themselves, and it can be hard to make friends. Abuse is a significant cause of depression in young people. Some teens may engage in self-destructive behavior, such as cutting or abusing drugs or alcohol. They may even attempt suicide. It's normal for people who have been abused to feel upset, angry, and confused about what happened to them. They may feel guilty and embarrassed and blame themselves. But abuse is never the fault of the person who is being abused, no matter how much the abuser tries to blame others. Abusers may manipulate a person into keeping quiet by saying stuff like: "This is a secret between you and me," or "If you ever tell anybody, I'll hurt you or your mom," or "You're going to get in trouble if you tell. No one will believe you and you'll go to jail for lying." This is the abuser's way of making a person feel like nothing can be done so he or she won't report the abuse. People who are abused may have trouble getting help because it means they'd be reporting on someone they love — someone who may be wonderful much of the time and awful to them only some of the time. A person might be afraid of the consequences of reporting, either because they fear the abuser or the family is financially dependent on that person. For reasons like these, abuse often goes unreported. What Should Someone Who's Being Abused Do? People who are being abused need to get help. Keeping the abuse a secret doesn't protect anyone from being abused — it only makes it more likely that the abuse will continue. If you or anyone you know is being abused, talk to someone you or your friend can trust — a family member, a trusted teacher, a doctor, or a school or religious youth counselor. Many teachers and counselors have training in how to recognize and report abuse. Telephone directories list local child abuse and family violence hotline numbers that you can call for help. There's also Childhelp USA at (800) 4-A-CHILD ([800] 422-4453). Sometimes people who are being abused by someone in their own home need to find a safe place to live temporarily. It is never easy to have to leave home, but it's sometimes necessary to be protected from further abuse. People who need to leave home to stay safe can find local shelters listed in the phone book or they can contact an abuse helpline. Sometimes a person can stay with a relative or friend. People who are being abused often feel afraid, numb, or lonely. Getting help and support is an important first step toward changing the situation. Many teens who have experienced abuse find that painful emotions may linger even after the abuse stops. Working with a therapist is one way to sort through the complicated feelings and reactions that being abused creates, and the process can help to rebuild feelings of safety, confidence, and self-esteem. Reviewed by: Michelle New, PhD Date reviewed: November 2007----------------------------------------------------------------------- z -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Presented by Pandora's Box ~ Dr. Faulkner Domestic Violence: "Why Women Stay" by Nancy Faulkner, Ph.D, © 1997-2006 Written at the request of The Franciscan Peacemakers Below is an introductory preview of Domestic Violence: "Why Women Stay" ~ with elaboration on one of the victim categories. Following the preview is information for ordering this life saving booklet. ** National Domestic Violence Hotline **-------------------------------------------------- Headlines Since November 2002, Helping Outreach Programs to Expand (HOPE) funds have supported victim service expansion efforts such as PSAs, translations, and hotlines. Find out how to apply for a HOPE grant. More than 100 upcoming events are readily accessible in the OVC National Calendar of Events. Join the hundreds who have already discovered this essential online tool. It allows you to locate, plan, and promote victim assistance-related events nationwide. Three grants of up to $125,000 will be awarded to individuals through the 2008 Victim Assistance Fellowship Program to address gaps in services for crime victims by developing training, technical assistance, and public awareness resources for practitioners who serve victims of crime. OVC announces the release of a new publication entitled Helping Sexual Assault Survivors with Multiple Victimizations and Needs: A Guide for Agencies Serving Sexual Assault Survivors, developed under an OVC grant by the University of Iowa, School of Social Work. On November 28, 2007, Commander Lori Moriarty, Director of the National Alliance for Drug Endangered Children Resource Center, hosted an OVC Web Forum Guest Host Session on best practices for working with drug endangered children. If you missed the discussion, you can view it online now. Stay informed. Subscribe to OVC's Web Forum E-Alerts and receive year-round notifications about topical forum sessions of relevance to victim service providers. Download the Calendar of Events screensaver for instant access to victim service events nationwide. The screensaver works with or without an Internet connection. Featured Resources December is National Drunk and Drugged Driving Awareness Month In recognition of National Drunk and Drugged Driving Awareness Month, OVC invites you to view past Web Forum discussions on Serving Victims of Impaired Driving and Drunk Driving. OVC also offers resource links on drunk driving and related publications, including "Drunk Driving Victimization," from the OVC Help Series. You Can Get Through the Holidays Instructions to apply online through Grants.gov. Please note that you must set up your organization’s profile with the Central Contractor Registry (CCR) to apply through Grants.gov. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Current Discretionary Funding Opportunities Application Deadline FY 2008 Victim Assistance Fellowship Program (PDF 78kb) —A competitive program that will award three grants of $75,000-$125,000 to individuals to provide direct operational assistance to crime victim organizations and agencies; design and develop innovative initiatives; develop and deliver training programs; and assist with evaluation and capacity building efforts. Fellowships specifically address sexual assault, human trafficking, public awareness, field outreach, and victims' rights enforcement. Those applying are urged to begin the application process well in advance of the January 10, 2008 deadline. January 10, 2008 Helping Outreach Programs to Expand—Details the purpose of the grant program, who can apply, and how to apply for grant funding. Open (Contingent upon fund availability) Antiterrorism and Emergency Assistance Program (PDF 158 kb) See also the Antiterrorism and Emergency Assistance Program guidelines (appearing in the Federal Register, Vol. 67, No. 21, under Victims of Crime). Open OVC Publishing Guidelines for Print and Multimedia (Second Edition, June 2007) This OVC guide (NCJ 216617) describes the criteria grantees must follow when preparing products for publication. The guidelines, which were originally published in 2004, now include a section on producing OVC-funded videos (e.g., VHS tapes, DVDs) and an expanded copyright discussion. Other topics include requirements for writing Web-based publications, the types of OVC publications, the publication submission process, word processing and formatting guidelines, and legal and policy requirements. The guidelines are designed to help grantees work with OVC to produce a quality product that exceeds professional standards of excellence. Children’s Justice Act Partnerships for Indian Communities (June 2003) This fact sheet (FS 000303) describes an OVC grant program that provides funds and technical assistance to improve the capacity of existing tribal systems to handle serious child abuse cases, particularly cases of sexual abuse. Previous application kits can be found at FY 2000–07 Grant Archive. OVC Home | OJP Home | DOJ Home | Ask OVC | Privacy Statement | FOIA | Site Map | Search --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Journey by Nancy Faulkner The journey is the purpose, vitality and sum of life, not attainment of the goal or finality; plan for and request uncertainty along the way, it saves us from designed monotony. Surrender to the unfolding events of the moment, acknowledge the past with compassion, and recognize that the convoluted universal plan will propel us beyond our temporal confusion. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OVC Resource Center AskOVC Contact Information 1-800-851-3420 TTY 1-877-712-9279 The Office for Victims of Crime Resource Center (OVCRC) is your information clearinghouse for emerging victim issues. You can access related resources and assistance via— NCJRS Abstract Database—the database to search for victim-related resources. JUSTINFO—the biweekly electronic newsletter covering announcements and recent releases of the U.S. Department of Justice. NCJRS Q&A database—searchable knowledge base with answers to many of your criminal justice-related questions. Content Specialists to answer your questions. Staff can offer referrals, discuss publications, and search for additional resources. OVCRC can access a well-established network of victim advocates and organizations to address your specific needs or area(s) of interest. Read more About OVCRC (PDF file 440 kb). OVCRC also offers products and online services such as: The OVC Web Forum—A place where victim service providers can connect to peers, share ideas about best practices, and help change lives. Online Directory of Crime Victim Services—The resource to help find services provided by not-for-profit programs and public agencies. National Calendar of Crime Victim Assistance-Related Events—A leading resource for locating and promoting events that address crime victims' rights and services. Users can search or submit field events for free. The Calendar of Events Screensaver—Download and use this dynamic screensaver to receive information about upcoming events directly to your computer. National Crime Victims' Service Awards (NCVRW) awards—An online submission service for nominators and nominees to begin and complete their nominations entirely online. The service offers all the information and background information that you need to find out about the awards, eligibility, submission guidelines, and to research previous award winners. National Conference Support Program—A competitive program supporting national conferences on victims' issues by providing resources or funds to underwrite activities. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ask OVC—Contact information E-mail http://ovc.ncjrs.gov/askovc/ Phone 1-800-851-3420 (TTY 1-877-712-9279) Mail Office for Victims of Crime Resource Center National Criminal Justice Reference Service P.O. Box 6000 Rockville, MD 20849-6000 Hours of operation: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m., Monday through Friday, eastern time State Office of Victim Assistance (SOVA)South Carolina Governor's OfficeFAQ'sSOVA en EspañolTips for AdvocatesTraining, Events & Updates ApplicationsSOVA Promotional ItemsContact SOVASOVA MAIN PAGE Victims' Compensation Fund Laws Governing SOVAVictims' Rights Victims' Laws Billing Fact Sheet for Sexual Assault Forensic Interview Fact SheetJudicial Circuit Solicitors National & Local Resource List .pdf Related LinksOVC ForumSOVA in the SchoolsSOVA in the Community (photos) Victims' Compensation Fund SOVA can help with certain types of crime related costs. In every case, the expense has to be linked to losses from injury or death as a result of the crime. *Up to a combined total of $15,000 for: Medical Costs Doctor ordered medicine, equipment, supplies, and treatment Dental or orthodontic work Other costs such as physical rehabilitation, reconstructive surgery, and transportation to doctor appointment return to top Counseling (from a licensed professional) If you have lost financial support because you or the household wage-earner has been out of work for over two weeks, then you may be eligible for lost wages or lost support payments. You may be eligible if you are the victim or the victim's dependent or spouse You may be eligible to receive up to two-thirds of the average weekly wages Please call us to discuss how to safely handle this option for you. Sova Benefits Chart (download Adobe Acrobat Reader to view chart) return to top SOVA Compensation Procedures Victim/Witness Assistance Services: The purpose of this department is to assist with the Crime Victims’ Compensation Fund as mandated by law and to provide support and advocacy on behalf of the crime victims/claimants. Provide customer service to crime victims, advocates, law enforcement and service providers Assist victims with filing the Crime Victims’ Compensation applications Conduct intake on each crime victims’ compensation application Screen and review each claim Conduct data entry of each incoming claim Provide information about victims’ rights Provide crisis intervention Provide case status updates Make referrals Reassign claims to investigators in Eligibility Services Eligibility Services: The purpose of this department is to thoroughly review crime victim compensation claims throughout the state of South Carolina and to determine eligibility as mandated in section 16-3-1130 (1)(2)(3). This includes examinations of police, court and official records related to the injury on which the claim is based. Claims are assigned to investigators by territories. All police, court, medical, funeral, hospital and other official records are examined. Claims are reviewed and a written recommendation is submitted for approval. If eligible, the claim is forwarded to the Restitution recovery program for the possibility of recouping any money from the offender that may be paid on behalf of the victim. If ineligible, the claim is reviewed by an internal staffing team. Restitution Program: The purpose of this program is to thoroughly review all eligible crime victim compensation claims to determine whether restitution may be recouped from the offender as mandated in sections 16-3-1250, section 16-3-1260, and 16-25-322. This includes the placing of liens upon insurance settlements and receiving money from court ordered restitution. All crime victim compensation claims are reviewed for financial recovery. In the event restitution may be recovered, all parties are notified before the claim is processed for payment by SOVA. In the event restitution recovery is not possible, the claim is forwarded to SOVA’S Processing Services Department for payment consideration. Processing Services: The purpose of the Processing Services department is to audit all eligible crime victim compensation claims to determine the allowable benefits and process payments in a rapid and efficient manner as mandated by section 16-3-1180(A). Claims are assigned to examiners by territories. Examiners review all eligible crime victim compensation claims for potential medical payment consideration, including medical, counseling, and lost wages. Examiners may request medical bills, medical records and other documents to assist with making payments. Examiners review SAP/CAP protocol claims for payment. Appellate Services: The purpose of the appeal process is to ensure that all denied crime victim compensation claims are reviewed as rapid as possible as mandated in section 16-3-1140. Provide the victim/claimant with a hearing or review. Provide all denied victims/claimants with notification of hearings within 30 days prior to the hearing date. Subpoena police records, law enforcement, medical statements, and other documents needed for the hearing. Provide victim support, advocacy and accompaniment to each victim during the appeal process. return to top Sexual Assault Protocol & Child Abuse Protocol The State Office of Victim Assistance is authorized by state law to pay medical facilities for allowable charges incurred in gathering bodily evidence from a victim at law enforcement’s request. The attending physicians must use one of the protocol kits develop by SLED for the exam: the Sexual Protocol Kit for an adult or Child Abuse Protocol Kit for a minor. Kits should be used only as instructed to obtain evidence to assist in the prosecution of the offender. return to top Basic Reimbursement Requirements: To receive reimbursement for performing the SAP/CAP exam, you must submit a copy of the protocol with the itemized bill for services rendered. This bill must show individual charges for lab work test, emergency room fee, physician’s fee, etc. The SAP/CAP program will pay your facility directly on a monthly basis for exams conducted. If your office submits multiple claims together at the same time, then only one collective check will be issued. A list if victims’ names covered by that particular check will be included. Victims are NOT to be billed, nor should you file with their health insurance. return to top Release Form Requirements: You must also complete the entire medical release form to submit to us along with the copy of the protocol and itemized bill. To avoid processing delays, make sure that the necessary information and signatures are included: Name, address, and signature of victim/guardian Name and signature of the attending physician Name and address of the health care facility Name of law enforcement agency that took report Name of investigation/reporting officer and signature (if available) This protocol program is NOT permitted to pay for any additional procedures such as: Surgery X-rays Testing Treatment Alcohol or drug screens Stat charges, etc Follow-up counseling Hospital admission Follow-up exam certain blood work Injured victims of assault or abuse who incur other crime related medical bills may submit a separate Crime Victims’ Compensation application to SOVA. It will be reviewed for eligibility for certain benefits. If deemed eligible, SOVA can pay up to $15,000 towards medical bills, lost wages, counseling and burial costs. SOVA is a last resort for payment. A victim must file with his or her health insurance first. We can consider balances due after insurance. When a sibling group is examined, an incident report that names each child as a direct victim is required along with the billing information. If an examined child is not listed on the incident report as a victim, then we will not be able to cover the costs for that particular minor. return to top Forensic Interviews As of August 15, 2004, SOVA will pay for Forensic Interviews for children of sexual and physical abuse. Here are the guidelines in place regarding payment. Forensic Interview must be performed to standards defined by SOVA Centers approved by SOVA Must submit the SOVA Forensic Interview Report, the SOVA Forensic Interview Release Form, and an Itemized bill Questions about protocol billing: Call the SAP/ CAP Claims Processor at (803) 734-1900 return to top Important to Remember... Payments are dependent upon the following conditions: The crime must have occurred in South Carolina The victim (or guardian) must file an incident report with law enforcement The medical-legal examination must be performed using the protocol standards developed by SLED return to topMedical Costs Counseling (from a licensed professional) Burial Bills for a Deceased Victim Lost wages / Loss of Support SOVA Compensation Procedures Sexual Assault Protocol & Child Abuse Protocol Basic Reimbursement Requirements Release Form Requirements Forensic Interviews Important to Remember... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Safety Seeker: It may be familiar, and oddly enough, a comfortable lifestyle. This is probably the concept that is most difficult for people to understand. People tend to move toward relationships that are familiar and thus most comfortable. "Comfort" in this sense does not necessarily mean physical or emotional contentment; but, rather "comfort" in the sense of having lived in similar situations. Superficially, it seems easier to deal with the "known" and "expected" than with uncertainty. For example, there are women who repeatedly marry alcoholic men. In a therapeutic session with a woman in her forties, we reviewed her life and relationships. She had been married seven times to seven alcoholics. Between each marriage, -- and consistent throughout her life, -- was one man who was not an alcoholic. She admitted truly enjoying his company, but never married him and could not figure out why. Her father was an alcoholic. She grew up with and understood living with alcoholism. She knew from her mother how to be the wife of an alcoholic and knew how to live in the dysfunction of alcoholism. She seemed to keep going back to what was most familiar, -- and thus most "comfortable." For brevity, this is necessarily a simplified explanation. To explain it a little further, -- if a spaceship landed in your front yard, the door opened, and funny little green people came out, -- you might be frightened. What if I assured you that these were very friendly people, that they would take you to live on another planet in a stress-free paradise, but you could never return to what you now know as life on Earth? Would you go with the aliens? Probably not. Because you haven't been there, you don't know if you can trust me, and you don't know what to expect. You would probably stay where you are, -- despite creditors banging on the door, a leaking roof, your mother-in-law living with you, standing daily in the unemployment line, your daughter prostituting herself, and your son in jail for dealing drugs. The unknown and uncertain can be too frightening for change, -- even when it is needed or wanted. Women in abusive relationships that have escalated to threats of death must decide if they will continue to endure the violence that could also end in death, -- or if they will take the risk to leave. This decision can be in the form of no decision, -- which is in itself a decision to stay. Our adult protective system and shelters must do more to help these women and their children. But this plea is met with the valid complaint from those who try to protect, -- that the abused women they are sheltering will call their abusers and give away confidential housing locations, -- endangering others in the safe-house. The solution to the ultimate threat of death is to leave an abuser as soon as the violence begins, and not to wait until it has escalated to threats of death. But that is overstating the obvious. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- End of Preview of Domestic Violence: "Why Women Stay" Although you certainly may find longer and more complex publications on spousal abuse, ~ there are few, if any, that will touch the hearts and souls of victims as readily as this compelling booklet. Professional colleagues and domestic violence educators have cited "Domestic Violence: Why Women Stay" as valuable not only for victims, but also as primary to the education of law enforcement, social workers, state agency staff, and health service providers. This booklet was written intentionally brief, easy to read, and to the point, ~ so that it would quickly capture the attention and self-identification of "women who stay" ~ and to assist those seeking an understanding of the perplexing dymanics of domestic violence. WOMEN AS VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE "...the wife: however brutal a tyrant she may unfortunately be chained to - though she may know that he hates her, though it may be his daily pleasure to torture her, and though she may feel it impossible not to loathe him - (he) can claim from her and enforce the lowest degradation of a human being, that of being made an instrument of an animal function contrary to her inclinations." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat. Among those who may experience PTSD are military troops who served in the Vietnam and Gulf Wars; rescue workers involved in the aftermath of disasters like the terrorist attacks on New York City and Washington, D.C.; survivors of the Oklahoma City bombing; survivors of accidents, rape, physical and sexual abuse, and other crimes; immigrants fleeing violence in their countries; survivors of the 1994 California earthquake, the 1997 North and South Dakota floods, and hurricanes Hugo and Andrew; and people who witness traumatic events. Family members of victims also can develop the disorder. PTSD can occur in people of any age, including children and adolescents. Many people with PTSD repeatedly re-experience the ordeal in the form of flashback episodes, memories, nightmares, or frightening thoughts, especially when they are exposed to events or objects reminiscent of the trauma. Anniversaries of the event can also trigger symptoms. People with PTSD also experience emotional numbness and sleep disturbances, depression, anxiety, and irritability or outbursts of anger. Feelings of intense guilt are also common. Most people with PTSD try to avoid any reminders or thoughts of the ordeal. PTSD is diagnosed when symptoms last more than 1 month. Physical symptoms such as headaches, gastrointestinal distress, immune system problems, dizziness, chest pain, or discomfort in other parts of the body are common in people with PTSD. Often, doctors treat these symptoms without being aware that they stem from an anxiety disorder. Facts About PTSD An estimated 5.2 million American adults ages 18 to 54, or approximately 3.6 percent of people in this age group in a given year, have PTSD. 1 About 30 percent of Vietnam veterans developed PTSD at some point after the war. 2 The disorder also has been detected among veterans of the Persian Gulf War, with some estimates running as high as 8 percent. 3 More than twice as many women as men experience PTSD following exposure to trauma. 4 Depression, alcohol or other substance abuse, or other anxiety disorders frequently co-occur with PTSD. 5 The likelihood of treatment success is increased when these other conditions are appropriately diagnosed and treated as well. Treatments for PTSD PTSD can be extremely debilitating. Fortunately, research—including studies supported by NIMH and the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA)—has led to the development of treatments to help people with PTSD. Studies have demonstrated the efficacy of cognitive-behavioral therapy, group therapy, and exposure therapy, in which the person gradually and repeatedly re-lives the frightening experience under controlled conditions to help him or her work through the trauma. 6,7 Studies also have found that several types of medication, particularly the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors and other antidepressants, can help relieve the symptoms of PTSD. 8 Other research shows that giving people an opportunity to talk about their experiences very soon after a catastrophic event may reduce some of the symptoms of PTSD. A study of 12,000 schoolchildren who lived through a hurricane in Hawaii found that those who got counseling early on were doing much better 2 years later than those who did not. 9 Research Findings Research is continuing to reveal factors that may lead to PTSD. People who have been abused as children or who have had other previous traumatic experiences are more likely to develop the disorder.10 In addition, it used to be believed that people who tend to be emotionally numb after a trauma were showing a healthy response; but now some researchers suspect that people who experience this emotional distancing may be more prone to PTSD.11 Studies in animals and humans have focused on pinpointing the specific brain areas and circuits involved in anxiety and fear, which are important for understanding anxiety disorders such as PTSD.12 Fear, an emotion that evolved to deal with danger, causes an automatic, rapid protective response in many systems of the body. It has been found that the fear response is coordinated by a small structure deep inside the brain, called the amygdala. The amygdala, although relatively small, is a very complicated structure, and recent research suggests that different anxiety disorders may be associated with abnormal activation of the amygdala. People with PTSD tend to have abnormal levels of key hormones involved in response to stress.13 When people are in danger, they produce high levels of natural opiates, which can temporarily mask pain. Scientists have found that people with PTSD continue to produce those higher levels even after the danger has passed; this may lead to the blunted emotions associated with the condition. Some studies have shown that cortisol levels are lower than normal and epinephrine and norepinephrine are higher than normal. Norepinephrine is a neurotransmitter released during stress, and one of its functions is to activate the hippocampus, the brain structure involved with organizing and storing information for long-term memory. This action of norepinephrine is thought to be one reason why people generally can remember emotionally arousing events better than other situations. Under the extreme stress of trauma, norepinephrine may act longer or more intensely on the hippocampus, leading to the formation of abnormally strong memories that are then experienced as flashbacks or intrusions. Since cortisol normally limits norepinephrine activation, low cortisol levels may represent a significant risk factor for developing PTSD. Research to understand these neurotransmitter systems involved in memories of emotionally charged events may lead to the discovery of drugs or psychosocial interventions that, if given early, could block the development of PTSD symptoms.------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Domestic violence toward women: Recognize the patterns and seek help Date updated: May 23, 2007 Content provided by MayoClinic.com Your partner apologizes and says the hurtful behavior won't happen again. But you fear it will. At times you may start to doubt your own judgment, or wonder whether you're going crazy. You may even feel like you've imagined the whole thing. But the emotional or physical pain you feel is rea