You guessed it -- this is me. Take it or leave it. Like the good Dr. Seuss says, "Say what you mean and mean what you say. Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter."
I'd like to give it up to my girls, the fabulous Rocky Mountain Rollergirls. This is a tough group of derby darlings, and I'm proud to be one of 'em!
Your pants are suddenly a little snug in the butt and thighs and you LIKE it
You're very proud of your bruises and show them off to all of your friends -- the nastier the better
The worst part of practice is taking off your skates
People call you by your skater name as much as your real name
You think your skater name is your real name
The thought of skating at top speeds and falling doesn't scare you anymore
You find yourself drawn to hosiery departments
You can hip check your friends, and they are suddenly scared of you
You find yourself worrying that you are not eating enough (complex) carbohydrates rather than too many carbohydrates
You know everyone's skater names on other teams but may never know their real names
Something is making your house stink, and you realize that your wrist guards escaped from your equipment bag
You're actually SAD that you don't have any bruises to show your friends
You have to restrain yourself from body-checking the ladies in the grocery store
You're driving down the road, looking over shoulder at the cars coming up instead of using the mirrors
You're driving and see a cop, you see them as a pivot
You body-check the vending machine repeatedly until it gives you your freak'n nuts
You quit your job because it doesn't coincide with your practice schedule
8 hours of practice a week justifies this double bacon cheeseburger and beer
You spent your phone bill money on new wheels
You run into your teammates at the mall and try to introduce them to your friends, and don't know which name to use
You forget you once pushed doors opened with your hands - show that door no mercy!!
You want your name on the back of all of your clothes
You can't make it through a party without wrestling at least 3 people
Boys won't date you because they are afraid of you
You're not ashamed of heading to the bar with helmet hair, BO, and sweats that are most likely still wet from sweat
It's all fun and games until someone's ankle gets broken -- then it's derby!
On the track, the words "I'm sorry" and "excuse me" become nonexistent
You consider legally changing your name to your derby name
Your cell phone is filled with names like "Red Dragon", "KittyKarnage" and "Count Smacula"
Even if you don't have any tattoos and never wanted any before, you do now
You're standing at a party/bar/on the rink and someone grabs your ass/titties and it doesn't even phase you - you already know it's just another derby girl
Your favorite bartender knows you only by your skate name
You find derby as a perfect outlet for your exhibitionist tendencies
With your skates on, you feel like Yao Ming, despite the fact that in reality you're actually 5'3"
You're psyched that one of the new girls kicked your ass
Your boyfriend thinks your nasty mouth guard soaking in Listerine is hot
Most of your MySpace top 20 are teammates
When you can play an elaborate game of connect the dot with all of the bruises on your legs (and the rest of your body for that matter)
When suddenly you realize your legs have never looked better so you find yourself randomly flexing and looking at your legs
You find great pleasure in the fact that anything Derby is on Radio or TV. For example, Viva La Bam and deodorant make you smile.
Everything in your life is slowly starting to become in some way or another a competition
You're out with your boyfriend and everyone is giving him dirty looks - thinking he beats you - when it fact its 20 other women giving you those bruises
You're no longer weirded out by having sweat stains on your knees
The hillbilly no-teeth look that your colored mouth guard gives you no longer embarrasses you
You actually drive two hours and PAY a visiting coach to make you hurt so bad you can't walk normally for the next week
You see more of your teammates' asses than your SO's
You've never put more thought into shoelace colors in your life
You've actually considered taking your skates to a shoeshine stand
The idea of butting someone with your breasts isn't odd - it's perfectly legal as long as you don't use hands!!
How you feelin' Sugar? The good news is that nothing is broke and you will return to us soon. You have to come by sometime and check out the new floor it's beautiful! Take care, heal well, return soon!
