Shitty rentals, child abuse, leaving puppies in the car on a hot day, ham, waxing the tiles at the top of staircase and not putting up a slippery sign. Dirt nap is fun game my child and I play. I also enjoy trimming my anus hairs so Dougie can play black beard round the house.
My Latest Dougie:
My new apprentice, Igjarjuk...
Music
Any of that smooth jazzy cornwallis type shit your retarded Armenian grandmother would listen too. And anything that includes the sound a microphone makes when you point it at the speakers. I love the Barking Dogs singing "Jingle Bells". I blast that shit year round in my dead wife's minivan. I also use it to as a mood enhancer, it works better than Barry White!
Pathfinder, King of the Zombies, Ice Cream Man, Monster's Ball, Airbud, Max Keebler's Big Day, MVP: Most Valuable Primate, Over the Top, all the Star Treks you can hand me, Planet of the Apes, Gay Niggers from Space, Soulplane, Xiu-Xiu the Send Down Girl, Teenage Caveman, Martin and Me, Birth of a Nation, Whore, Tequila and Body Shots, Cobra, Brotherhood of the Wolf, It, The Witches, Rod Steele 0011 and a Half, Cop and a Half and anything with John Ritter's corpse...
Television
I don't allow the child to know of the outside world beyond blaxspotation films and shitty b rentals. Sometimes though, I send him to school, though only to be humiliated for his stupidity by the other children and to score me good crack.
Books
Only foulest grimiores containg incantations of such a vile and blasphemous nature that it would drain your very soul and wither your mind, reducing you to a Dougie-like state from which there is no return...
Heroes
Marquis De Sade, Napoleon, Sly Stallone, Hulk Hogan, That crippled kid that Zeus kicked in "No Holds Barred"...
Enemies
Poppin' Fresh, Harriet Tubman, Jimmy Buffett, The Doctor, Papa Smurf, Gargamel, Friar Tuck, The Chupacabra, Alexander Graham Bell, that little blond waitress cunt at the IHOP, Frank Benjamin, Aleister Crowley, Leanord Nimoy, The Skipper, Chachi, that kid from Zapped Part 1 and 2, Grover Cleveland, John Hinckley, I bet he's wearing a bandana, Targissians, The Goblin, the entire Wu-Tang Clan (except O.D.B. we reconciled the goat before he passed, R.I.P.), Lex Luthor, Galahad, Davros, Rachel Ray, Lindsy Lohan, the Carrionknights, The Guess Who, Calvin Klein, Chris Klein, Buddy Gillespie, Fatty Arbuckle, Paula Poundstone, Little Richard, Prince, Muhammed ibn Yosef ibn Saladin ibn Achmed ibn Batullah, the Green Hornet, Kato Kaelin, Iron Man, She Hulk, Rapheal (the painter), all of Finland, the Isle of Wight, Berlin, Fredrick Douglas, Peanut Butter and Jelly, Paddington Bear, Owen Wilson, Red Skelton, Oda Nobunaga, Louis Baptiste, Renee Descartes, Vlad Dracul, Left Over Salmon, Hot Tuna, Blossom, Vincent Price, Charles Barkley, Captain Planet, Ma-te the planeteer, Ling the Panda, the Pissboy at the local Nambla lodge, the Child, Bill Cosby, Nuns, my old Samba teacher Jose Renaldo Murado Ortiz, Rasputin, Raul Julia, Chris Tucker, I can't Believe its Not Butter, Gollum, Elminster, Khelben Blackstaff Arunsun, Lexx Steele, Tiny Napolean, Short Studd, the midget that yells at people on the that TLC show about little monsters, Howie Mandel, Ralph Cramden, Otto, Martin Luther King Sr, Mayor McCheese, The King, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Steve Kinney, Arlo Guthrie, Artie Lang, Mark Wattles, Beef and Cheese, Nambia, The Dalai Lama, "Quick" Nick the bookie, chinese people, Tammy Faye Baker, Bluto, Balto, George Harrison, L Ron Hubbard, Kirstie Alley, Mozambique, Third Eye Blind, Chumbawumba, the entire state of Alabama, Ving Rhames, the Canary Islands, Martha Jones, Queen Latifah, the cast of Living Single, Susan B Anthony, Pepsi Clear, Bibleman, Drool, Bibleman's nigger, Friday, Clint Howard, Paula Abdul, Abdullah the Butcher, Ding Dong Duffy, Ron Howard, It (the clown), Hamsters, Space Goblins, The Martians who stole Santa Claus, Romulus, Remus, Uncle Tom, Taye Diggs, Balki, Gossamer, Sauron, Frodo, Gandalf, Tanis Half-elven, Tasslehoff Burrfoot, Yugoslavia, Scott Evil, Dangermouse, Count Duckula, Thunderbirds are Go!, Clint Howard as "The Ice Cream Man", Dungeon Master, Venger, Tiamat, Demodragon, Lloth, Warduke, Dr. Wierd, Steve and the Hammer Wielding Dwarves, Booger, Pacman, Q-Bert, Dante Hicks, Ross Chellovick, Dave Thomas, McLovin, Michael Vick, Precious Roy, the Planet Mars, Wilson, Tim Allen, Woodrow Wilson, Mr. Woodcock, Professor Salty Balls, Chef, That black midget, Gary Paulsen, the Gordon's Fisherman, Rich, Mike Huckabee, Paleozoic Earth, Garfield the cat, Nermal the Cat, Jon, Odie the Dog, Dilbert, Dilby, Cavaleir, Buicks, Arcanomach, Ralph Cramden, Phyllis Diller, Faye Dunaway, The cast of Taxi, Robroy, Cap'n O.G Readmore, Mark Summers, Baron Munchausen, Wilson Pickett, Benedict Arnold, Salvador Dali, Alfalfa, Spanky, Mr. Wilson, Gregory Peck, Arnold from Hey Arnold, the BaAka tribe, Phyllis Diller, Clark Anderson from accounting, Roger, Stephen Hawking, Roald Dahl, Messers Louis and Clark, Hiawatha, Adolous Huxley, Mr. Bean, Carl Winslow, Punky Brewster, Marlon Brando, Pipi Longstocking, Carlos Santana, Wolfgang Rimehauser the Fourth, Cardinal Juan Garcia Pla Tomas Espada of Guadalajara Mexico, Zaboo, Vork, Clara, Codex, Blaydezz, Tinkerball, stuntmen, the Mole People.
Fag Sausage's Details
Status:
Single
Here for:
Dating, Serious Relationships, Friends
Orientation:
Not Sure
Hometown:
Innsmouth
Body type:
5' 8" / Some extra baggage
Ethnicity:
Black / African descent
Religion:
Other
Zodiac Sign:
Pisces
Smoke / Drink:
Yes / Yes
Children:
Proud parent
Occupation:
Subsitute Teacher
Income:
Less than $30,000
Fag Sausage Gets off by watching your dogs fuck. Posted at 5:37 PM Jun 15 view more
"I rode the great ufo mothership "Motherfucker" from Uranus" I am the Brown Wind who stinks in the vestibule, The dreaded negromancer and the infamous scourge of rental store employees. I am he who howls to the frog god beneath the Jub Jub tree, the sight of which my child may never see... for it hates him. As do I, George Nicholas, hate my child the Dougie... do not pity him, for he is a shit goblin floating in Hell's Hudson River...As for me, I am 3rd level necromancer/3rd level priest of Shatner/14th level True Necromancer and a servant of the dark lords of the B rental section. Fear me, the voice of Gossett and Shatner, of Emmanuelle and her Adventures in Space as well as Joe Don Baker and John Wayne Bobbitt.I am also the great level 7 shit wizard known to the lesser types of creatures as "Baron Von Ratfucker. I am a master of Hamdiggling, a novice of Pork waddling, and a supreme Count of dick twisting magic. I am also the only person to get away with cock-punching the pope himself! Cross me and I will soap your windows and litter your mail box with befouling pictures of me in my undergarments.
Do not mock me, for I am a shit monger of the fiftieth degree. Did I mention I was born in Innsmouth
Who I'd like to meet: Any royally plum-bageled sonofabitch with a penchant for buggery and a hideously deformed left testicle, people who think Ed Woods looked best as Glenda and not Glen, someone who will drink fresh frozen lime juice with turpentine and a Fat Hairy woman who wipes her ass back to front. Scatmasters and submissives, witches and warlocks, Stallone and Shatner (the twin powers of Gemini), those who sacrifice with me 'neath the sacred Jub-Jub Tree. Armodillo herders: you will be shot on sight.
Create your own Draw On Me
TAKE PLEASURE IN DEFACING THE CHILD AS I HAVE FOR CENTURIES.......
I have the pussy bat, and I've put it to good use. I've been doing my kegels, and you should see the swing I get with that thing. It's awe-inspiring to behold.
You're right. That was important. Until I watched that, I was operating under the assumption that VD was for crackwhores. I guess that means that I might actually need to get my genital warts checked. Thank you Mighty One.
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THURSDAY MARCH 05 -
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