kitty bear

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no more aliases

my name is Michelle Anne DeRose and people call me lots of things, my favorite is mish.

everytime i go to write something up about myself, i give up trying to talk about where i am and start rambling about where i've been. i think back over my life so far, looking for a way to summarize it, and end up succumbing to the memories. i'll sit here reminiscing on everything, and then try to type up my life as if it's just those amazing times and experiences, happening now, all at once.

the truth is, when you ask me about who i am, the most honest answer i can give you is my past. because how can i describe myself correctly without telling you how i became this way?

i try so hard not to care about things more than necessary and to be a headstrong, tough, sensible person. the truth is, i'm a very emotional girl. i have a tattoo on my wrist that says "i will remember you" and it means that i'll never forget anything. every single little part of my life matters to me and i am always nostalgic, even when i'm content with life. my happy place is the little stretch of sand next to the kenosha pierhead lighthouse, looking out over the water at dawn, at dusk, and rainy days. i have a very big heart, and it makes it very hard for me let things go. i care, i think, and i miss too much.

the truth is i'm just trying to get back home, wherever that may be for me. things get rough and my hope dwindles all the time, but if you're asking if i'm strong enough? well, i'm still alive and fighting, aren't i?

another tattoo i have is a picture of a heart with a sword through it, beneath a banner that says "faith". it means we all have the strength to fight, we just need to find a reason to do it. my reason is that i deserve the chance to try and live the life i've always wanted. i deserve a shot at my dreams.

i hold a lot of things dear to me in my heart, and while a lot of the time it hurts to know i can never have them back, i'm just thankful i had them at all. i will never, ever let them go, but they will not hold me down.

so who am i? i'm someone who loves to be around the people she loves, to laugh, and have those perfect days that make her feel like all the bullshit is worth it. i'm a chick who's had a lot of rough times in her life, but isn't going to stop fighting. i'm someone with a purpose.

i want to make music that tells people they aren't alone. that tells them to be happy and appreciate the things that make them feel complete. i want to make music that tells people to never give up and to go for their dreams until they die.

that will be the day when my pieces fall into place.