"Heal and Forgive II: The Journey from Abuse and Estrangement to Reconciliation."
Anyone who has heard the devastating words, "I never want to see you again!" from a parent, sibling, or child, knows the torment of family exile.
All one needs to do is search the web for sites dealing with family estrangement to find endless choices for the countless individuals seeking help with family cut-off's. Google lists 776,000. Yahoo lists 890,000! Although there are no formal statistics for family estrangement, the numbers available are alarming. From celebrities, to friends, co-workers, and neighbors we find people everywhere dealing with the effects of family rifts.
After a painful fourteen-year estrangement, author Nancy Richards and her family reunited. Heal and Forgive II: The Journey from Abuse and Estrangement to Reconciliation, presents a first-hand description of the long journey towards healing and offers a blueprint for coming to terms with the past.
Reconciliations can bring joy, excitement and a sense of awe like that of a miracle. At the same time, reunions can be frightening, stressful, fragile, and wrought with many pitfalls. Rebuilding relationships requires a great deal of emotional work and a willingness for each family member involved.
Often, re-establishing relationships with family members can appear to be an impossible task. Indeed, reuniting is not possible for everyone. Some individuals experience continued physical and emotional violence within their families to a degree that prohibits any safe contact. Other estranged individuals may desire a reunion only to find family members unwilling to see them. Yet, sometimes people are surprised when the road to healing and recovery leads to new beginnings.
Whether re-establishing a relationship with a family member or remaining apart, healing is vital for the individual's happiness and well-being. This work demonstrates to the reader the healing process necessary to make peace with the past, healing in a fashion that maintains wholesome separateness with or without rebuilding new relationships.
This thought provoking work effectively diagrams the healing and reconciliation process while placing the reader's well-being firmly in his or her own hands.
For decades, I heard from friends, relatives, therapists, and my fellow Christians, that I needed to forgive my abusers in order to heal. This advice - and the attempts I made to forgive before I'd learned to exercise personal boundaries - left me open to further injury and damaged me deeply.
When I finally mustered the courage to buck societal expectations; not to forgive; and to put my own healing and well-being first, I achieved a level of healing that I never thought was possible. My period of Not forgiving created the space necessary to achieve the greatest emotional growth of my life. Wow!......................
The unintentional by-product of this healing, was - ironically - forgiveness.
At that time, I realized that the old adage, "Forgive and Heal," was backwards. For me, it was "Heal and Forgive!"
"If I only knew then" that adequate healing had to come first, it would have saved me a great deal of time and pain. So, now I shout it from the roof tops "Heal, THEN Forgive!" *******************************************************
The soul cannot forgive until it
is restored to wholeness and health.
In the absence of love - how can one forgive?
With an abundance of love, starting with one's self,
forgiveness becomes a viable opportunity.
-Nancy Richards
- Excerpt from "Midwest Book Reviewer," Sherry Russell- - -
"Heal & Forgive is the author's potent account of the raw abusive underbelly of human nature and the triumph over it."
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At the age of nine, after losing her father to death, Nancy's life took a horrific turn. This riveting, first-hand account of growing up in an abusive household gives voice to and validates other survivors, as well as revealing a step by step approach to reclaim your life!
Richards shares with captivating openness and honesty the unnerving circumstances that eventually led to the estrangement from her entire family. Her triumphant recovery from the ruins of her past is awe-inspiring!
Heal and Forgive is a great resource for anyone who feels the pressure to forgive prematurely. Nancy's Motto: Heal first; then forgive!
Who I'd like to meet:
The Foreword to Heal and Forgive:
This story is painful to read. How can a parent abuse or allow the other parent to abuse children in the myriad of ways described here? Perhaps this "why?" has no answer. An answer would be helpful because part of what we humans long for in the midst of pain and chaos is to make some sense of it all. Answering "why?" there is such suffering in the world at least gives us a handle on it. Yet these answers are hard to come by. Suffering is a part of life. So is joy. But this is little solace to a child whose world is constructed by abuse.
Richards tells her story and unravels the process of healing that can lead to forgiveness. Along the way she breaks the silence of her family and is determined to tell the truth about her childhood. In spite of the denial by other family members, she is heard, believed and acknowledged by others in her life. She goes through the anger and grief of coming to terms with her childhood. She resists the temptation to "forgive and forget" because she knows it would only heal the wound lightly, saying "peace, peace," when there is no peace (Jeremiah 6:14 ). She puts her energy into protecting and caring for herself and in raising her children in a healthy, nurturing environment. All of this contributes to her healing; all of this is part of experiencing justice. All of this is what finally frees her to forgive and get on with her life.
She chose the path of healing and it took her to forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an obligation on the part of someone who has been harmed. It is not a solo act but rather takes place in community where we can find some sense of justice. It is not saying magic words and hoping that healing will come from that. It is hard work for the individual. It is God's grace carrying us the whole way. It is possible but never easy. This story is a testament to the possibility of healing and forgiveness. No cheap grace here. No pretense of keeping family secrets and denial. Just hard work and a great reward.
Rev. Marie M. Fortune
FaithTrust Institute, Seattle
Abuse Recovery Author, Nancy Richards's Friend Space (Randomized)
Abuse Recovery Author, Nancy Richards has 177 friends.
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The enemy loves to steal our joy but know his tricks are cheap and watered down. This is a must read blog if you are ready to kick the devil to the curb!
Thank you for being such a good to me friend while I do feel *just* like this and I am still not quite myself yet.
For those of you that are new friends, and as my 'regular' friends know, I am SO not normally like this. Please forgive me. I hope I haven't let you down.
There is Always HOPE! Have a great weekend! (((hugsssssssss))) You *ARE* Loved :) ♥ Joanne ♥
WELCOME TO THE FAMILY ,IT IS A BLESSING TO HAVE YOU. WE ARE A NEW SUPPORT GROUP THAT IS HERE TO GIVE YOU AN EAR OR A TEAR ! WE ARE HERE TO CRY WITH YOU,LAUGH WITH YOU BUT NEVER AT YOU. THE WORLD IS A TOUGH PLACE AND IF YOU READ THE BLOGS AND RULES YOU WILL SEE WHAT TAT IS ALL ABOUT AND IN WHY TAT WAS STARTED THAT IS MY LIFE. WE ARE TRYING TO GO NATIONWIDE AND HAVE A PARTNER IN EACH STATE FOR SUPPORT AND COMPASSION AND JUST FREINDSHIP IF NEEDED.MY GOALS ARE TO ASSIST THOSE IN NEED FOR ABUSE,CANCER ,DEPRESSION AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT YOU SEE ON OUR PROFILE'S .SO TAKE A LOOK AT EACH ONE AND YOU WILL SEE WHAT WE REPRESENT YOU CAN FIND OUR PARTNERS BY THE PINK ROSE.I HAVE A LEGACY HERE AND A DREAM THAT I HAVE WORKED SO HARD TO DO AND SUFFERED GREAT LOSSES THAT HAVE MADE ME WANT TO DO THIS. TAKE A LOOK AT OUR ALBUMS AND IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE IN OUR SUPPORT TEAM ALBUM PLEASE LET ME KNOW WE WOULD BE HONORED TO HAVE YOU IN IT AND ALSO WE HAVE AN ALBUM FOR STAFF AND GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN.I LOOK FORWARD TO OUR JOURNEY TOGETHER AND IF YOU KNOW ANYONE THAT WOULD LIKE TO BE A TAT PARTNER PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME WE ONLY REQUIRE LOVE AND DEDICATION FOR 1 -2 HOURS A DAY & WE ARE VERY EXCITED ABOUT OUR FUTURE OF POSSIBILITIES OF HELPING OTHERS ,LOVE AND GOD BLESS TAMMY AND THE TAT SISTERS STAFF. HUGS XOXO P, YOU WILL GET AN INVITE FROM YOUR STATE REP'S SO PLEASE ACCEPT THOSE AS THE POSITION'S GET FILLED THANKS P.S CHECK OUT ALL OUR PAGES ,WE HAVE A RESOURCE,SURVIVOR & COMMITTEE PAGE.
Many of you, my dear friends, have asked me how JJ is doing. I'm caring for him like a sick child nearly 24 hours a day. I don't get much sleep (I'm not complaining) these days so I often forget to get back to you as I have limited computer time as well. It's not that I don't read your messages or think about what wonderful friends God has blessed me with. I truly enjoy hearing from you and love getting messages, comments and emails. I do want you to know that if I don't reply right away I will as soon as I get a chance. I love each of you dearly and thank you so much for everything.
We need many, many prayers for JJ. Prayers were answered for Winston (and continue to be) and without you I don't know if he'd be here with us today.
I have put up a web page on Winston's site for JJ. This will make it easier if you would like to check in on JJ. I will continue to update this page. I invite you to visit it as well as our regular updates page. Here is the link:
I'm truly honored to have you as a new friend. I look forward to getting to know you and to our friendship. Please stay in touch!
Take Care & God Bless, Sharon† *Proud Army Wife & Military Supporter *Bulldog Mom To Winston, Gracie & JJ *"Carolinas PI" and Animal & Child Protection Advocate *NC & SC State Director For Association Of Christian Investigators *NC, SC & GA State Director of Ms. Christian US Pageants “Celebrating the beauty inside and out of virtuous women!” *Owner/Founder of Bulldog Co Network
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