There have been times where I've been speechless.I've been shocked, stunned, or even had my breath taken away.
But every time, those things only lasted for a temporary second.
I've spent nights thinking of someone.
But those only came when I had nothing to do but think.
Never did the interrupt my daily routine, or distract me from things I considered important.
I've cared for people before.
But I've never felt their pain.
I've never hurt because they did, or rejoiced because I made them happy.
I've said sweet things and knew their meaning.
But I've never been at a loss for sweet things to say because words simply fall short.
Never have I racked my brain in confusion to find the right thing to say to make someone happy.
I've gotten into fights with the ones I love.
But I've never come to a conclusion that made the both of us happy and closer than we were before, at least, not every time I get mad.
I spent a lot of time thinking, I spent even more time looking forward. My thoughts used to poison me, now all they do is give me hope.
I've always been a Christian, but I never looked to someone to make me closer to God. I never found my faith strengthened by my love for someone. I've never wanted to pray every day for everyone I love. I would of never considered a Bible as the best gift I could have ever been given. The fact that someone would want to make sure I have the word of God and that they knew what it would do for me. Insanity would make more sense to me right now then to try and comprehend why someone would care so much.
It seems that all at once, the love songs, the sweet nothings, the things people in love say, they all come back. They all play on repeat in my head. And I laugh because I feel like an idiot for not being able to think of a better way to describe it. I always thought that when I was THAT person, that I would be able to describe it to myself better, I would be able to tell people what it really meant and they'd understand, at least better than I did when someone told me. Now I just feel more confused about why I feel the way I do then I ever have.
Simple things like the fact that I overslept and missed their phone call and I felt terrible so I threw on some clothes and walked down the hall just so I could tell them what happened and make sure they got some sleep. Any other person and I would've just called back the next day and been fine, but I could not even sleep without my thoughts telling me to call.
How does that even make sense?
How does it make sense that I answer the phone with nothing to say in particular and I can talk for hours, to someone doing something completely different me and living their own life away from me, when I can't hold a conversation with people who are doing the exact same things as me and enjoy all the same interests?
I always turn to prayer, and before I never heard the answers, now they come tenfold every day.
I always will think great thoughts and know what I want to say, but when my fingers hit the keyboard, everything falls apart and words fall so short.