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Recently, I was driving back from a weekend soccer tournament with my then 8 year old daughter. Not surprisingly, we hit Los Angeles freeway traffic much like every other Sunday night in the LA area when everyone is hurrying back from Santa Barbara, Las Vegas, San Diego, or San Francisco.
“Oh look, a candy cane,” announced a sleepy voice from the back seat.
I started to think my daughter, who had fallen asleep in the back seat, was going to show me a candy cane she found hidden away somewhere in her soccer backpack. Instead, she leaned forward and pointed straight ahead. I looked at all the billboards, but didn’t see any sweet red and white candy anywhere. I looked at the hills surrounding the freeway, still no sweetness anywhere.
A bit frustrated, my daughter said it again, “No, no, look at the cars – they look just like a candy cane, yummy!”
And there before me curving into the hills, intertwined in all the cars moving ahead of me with their red brake lights and all the cars coming towards me with their white head lights, was the sweet image of a red and white candy cane made of mint and sugar.
I smiled.
“See, I told you!” my daughter said with confidence, as she slowly leaned back and began to rest comfortably again.
I thought for a moment and suddenly the rush of traffic had turned into the peace of kids enjoying their favorite holiday candy.
It’s all a matter of perspective – just like when you think about approaching your teens about safety and privacy. In your mind, you might be wondering whether your child will think you’re intruding in their online space, so you decide not to say anything. But maybe that’s just your perspective – dividing up the online from the offline and treating them differently. We all have no problem teaching our teens about driving safely and not talking to strangers in the offline world. For kids and teens, it is just one world – no distinctions, no separation. So why not approach it from their perspective. They have let you guide them before, they will do it again.
Get empowered. Learn about our safety and privacy features and talk to your teens about some of the tools they can use to guard their privacy and be safer online.
And remember, it’s all a matter of perspective.
It’s New Year’s Eve and your teen is all decked out and ready for a big party. She’s got her iPhone, BlackBerry, or some other cell phone with a camera in her pocketbook. And she’s ready to roll. You’re glad she’s got these gadgets so you can get in touch with her. You tell her to call to check in, to let you know she got there safely, to ask for permission to stay later. She agrees. You give her a quick hug and run upstairs to get ready for your own party to celebrate the arrival of a new beginning. You even remember to put the new digital camera you got for Christmas by your purse so you don’t forget it.
Of course, you talked to your teen about not drinking, not driving too fast, and not staying out past curfew.
Did you chat with her about all the photos that she and her friends will take with those gadgets? Photos that might have her kissing another girl on a dare, doing a shot with her best (boy)friend, flashing for the camera as the new year rings in.
Did you chat with her about all the photos that she or her friends might want to put up on their MySpace or Facebook pages?
Myspace, Facebook? That’s all that techie stuff the kids do…what will you say, what can you say?
Too often it seems too complicated to talk to your teens about online safety. After all, it’s the online world and they know it better than you do. But is it? Did you know how a car engine works, what the transmission does, or how an airbag gets deployed when the car bumps something at 30 mph? Yet, you got right in there and taught your teen how to drive. Correction, you taught your teen how to drive safely.
And that is exactly what we’re talking about – teaching your teen how to drive online safely. You’ve done it all your life – these lessons on safety. “Look before you cross, don’t talk to strangers, respect your friends and neighbors, don’t go anywhere alone”.
The world may have changed, but the lessons are still the same. Don’t stop the dialogue.
Here’s a way to start an online safety dialogue –
1. Start a Conversation
• Talk to your kids about why they use MySpace, how they communicate with others, and how they represent themselves online. Recognize the importance of social networking in their daily lives, similar to that of cell phones, email, or instant messenger, and express an interest in understanding the role it plays.
2. Talk About MySpace and the Internet
MySpace, like the rest of the online world, is a public space. Members shouldn't post anything they wouldn't want the world to know (e.g., phone number, address, IM screen name, or specific whereabouts).
• Remind them not to post any photos that could embarrass them in the future or expose them to danger. Although MySpace is public, teens sometimes forget that the information and photos they post are accessible to others. A good way to explain it -- tell your teens they should avoid posting anything they wouldn’t be willing to share in front of a school assembly.
3. Remind Teens to Be Cautious
• Just as in the offline world, people aren't always who they say they are. Remind your teens to be careful about adding strangers to their friends list. It's fun to connect with new MySpace friends from all over the world, but members should be cautious when communicating with people they don't know.
• Encourage teens to be themselves, but to exercise the same basic safety principles they do in the physical world. They wouldn't chat with a stranger at the mall or give someone they don't know their cell phone number. Remind them that reckless online behavior can be just as dangerous.
• They should talk to you if they want to meet an online friend in person, and if you think its safe, any meeting should take place in public, with friends or a trusted adult present.
To learn more, visit www.myspace.com/safety
Remember, you’re the parent in the offline and online worlds. You can do it.
In January 2008, MySpace and 49 Attorney Generals released a joint statement regarding MySpace's commitment to online child safety and security.
We have been working hard at backing up these commitments with actions and are proud to tell you that we have put the majority of these promises into practice.
The full content of the statement can be found in my blog here.
In addition, I gave a speech for the online industry to the California Cyber Safe Summit in March about the work we have been doing. You can read the full speech, "Setting the Bar for Social Networking Safety" by clicking here.
MySpace believes that social networking sites should engage in at least the following six safety practices as a minimum bar to entry into this area. We refer to these items as the “Big Six:”
• Review Images and Videos: Sites should find ways to review hosted images and videos, deleting inappropriate ones when found.
• Check Discussion Groups: Social networking sites should review discussion groups to find harmful subject matter, hate speech, and illegal behavior, deleting that content when it is found.
• Remove Registered Sex Offenders: Social networking sites should ban registered sex offenders from setting up accounts on their sites using technology that already exists today.
• Enforce Minimum Age Requirements: Sites should enforce their minimum age requirements and take steps to identify and remove underage users who have misrepresented their age to gain access.
• Protect Younger Users from Adults They Don’t Know: Social networking sites should implement default privacy settings that prevent adults from contacting teens under 16 who they do not already know in the physical world.
• Partner with Law Enforcement and Other Experts: All sites should have law enforcement hotlines available at all times to assist law enforcement during emergencies and on routine inquiries. In addition, sites should engage experts in pertinent fields to enhance site safety.
The complete speech can be read in my blog here.
MySpace is for teens 13 and older.
As a parent myself, I understand your concerns about online safety, and also the challenges involved in monitoring online activity.
I want you to know that working in conjunction with law enforcement, attorneys general, and child safety experts, we have introduced many programs and policies to MySpace to provide our users with a safer online experience. One of these policies involves reviewing images uploaded to MySpace. Any image that is suspected to be associated with child exploitation is immediately forwarded to NCMEC's CyberTipline.
Images containing nudity, porn, excessive violence, and hate speech are also deleted.
Remember, you are the first line of defense when it comes to protecting your teens online.
Here are some of the resources that we have found and developed to keep your teen safe on MySpace.
This is a joint statement with 49 attorney generals outlining our commitment and efforts towards online
child safety.
If you would like to contact me, you can send me a message here.
Tom Anderson
RAINN RAINN
Jamie Schumacher
Oprah Winfrey
Pasadena PAL
Comments
Jun 27 2009 5:16 AM
Jun 29 2009 12:15 PM
Jun 23 2009 10:24 AM
You, ve fantastyc page!
Much Blessings
Alikee
Jun 13 2009 2:18 AM
Jun 13 2009 8:28 AM
HOPE THIS MAKES YOU SMILE!
Jun 14 2009 7:07 AM
Jun 10 2009 1:40 AM
Jun 8 2009 11:51 PM
Jun 8 2009 9:47 PM
fabulous job you are doing!
I had to recently nudge a neighbor of mine to check his 14 year old daughter's page,
so he could see what was really going on in her life. he didnt even know she had a myspace.
Thank you
much love & gratitude
Pam, Kelli's mom
3rd interview i've done about Kell's myspace page
if you wait till the end- you will hear the anchors say it's the best story they've
ever heard about myspace
Jun 8 2009 9:14 PM
Jun 8 2009 7:03 PM
Peace & Light,
James
May 22 2009 9:33 AM
May 19 2009 5:29 PM
Thank you for adding me! And thank you for working with Microsoft as you did (Child Safe Computing). Although I've never had children, I am very guarded about them. We would have little in the way of a future without them (and I don't mean just their physical presence). Don't you miss sunny Seattle??? (Except today's heavy overcast).
Anywho, thanks again for adding me. And your MySpace page does have an appealing layout as I noticed someone else commented. Mine is just a mess. (Incidentally, glad to see someone else still shoots film. Although I have a Sony DSLR, I broke out the ol' Minolta Maxxum 9 the other day - heavy! Miss shooting slides).
Frank
May 6 2009 1:42 AM
Hope you will participate in our celebration of learning and leave a comment about a teacher who made a difference in your life.
Peace,
John/M.U.S.I.C.
“Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it. Teaching is reminding others that they know just as well as you. You are all learners, doers, and teachers.”
~ Richard Bach, "Illusions"
Apr 15 2009 2:03 AM
Mar 17 2009 11:14 PM
Mar 3 2009 8:19 AM
Love,
Misaki
Mar 1 2009 3:36 AM
Feb 21 2009 5:26 AM
Feb 15 2009 4:13 PM
SunsetWestPhotography. smugmug. com
Feb 14 2009 9:53 PM
Feb 17 2009 7:38 PM
Feb 12 2009 3:33 AM
Feb 11 2009 5:17 PM
thanks for doing what you do
-JOHN
Feb 10 2009 7:13 PM