I'm a stand up comedian who spreads wisdom and flawless logic all around by the name of The Greater Truth. Whether it be through a sound system or words typed into my website, I spread The Greater Truth with conviction and passion. Those not prepared are astonished by my presence and those who don't understand me, never will.
1. Tell me something obvious about you.
I use my muscles to contract or expand around my bones to move...
2. Tell me something about you that many don't know.
I find the mom from Married with Children incredibly sexy.
3. What is your biggest fear?
All my fears are small...sometimes, just to piss them off, I put them in Tupperware containers and throw them in the freezer for a day or two.
4. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut?
Neither, I'd prefer to either stay home if it's going to be THAT complicated, or just let someone else drive.
5. Name one thing you want that you can't buy with money.
Apparently slaves have been discontinued...
6. What is your most treasured possession?
My laptop hard drive...it's where all my comedy is.
7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often?
Eat fast food...I'm pretty sure I have just barely enough blood in my cholesterol to keep me alive.
8. Tell me something sexually about you that I don't know.
I've masturbated to every single one of The spice Girls.
9. Tell me something sexually about you that everyone knows.
My penis occasionally goes into women...and it's not always their vagina.
10. What is your favorite lie to tell?
“Maybe the food made you tired, besides, I don't even know what a roofie is!!”
11. Name something you've done once that you can't wait to do again.
Get Jamie Lynn Spears pregnant during a confusing rape extravaganza...
12. Are you the jealous type?
No...it's impossible to be jealous if they're both rotting in the bayou behind my house.
13. What is the one person, place or thing you can't say no to?
Dentists...never pick an argument with the guy who puts knives and lasers into your mouth.
14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
Pity sex.
15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be?
Eat...BETWEEN MEALS!! I could spoil my appetite! (I know it's crazy, but I'm not going to change who I am)
16. When was the last time you cried?
When I looked at the American public as a whole, when I saw another movie with John C. Reilly, when I heard the following movies were being made: Date Movie, Epic Movie, Superhero Movie, Meet the Spartans, Scary Movies 4 and 5, etc.
17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered?
The last time I saw George Carlin's Life is Worth Losing HBO Special.
18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on?
Only if everyone else has theirs on...
19. Name something embarrassing you did while being drunk.
Told her I'd remember her name and I would call her back as soon as I got the chance to.
20. When you're at the grocery store do you used the self checkout?
If by "self checkout" you mean go up to those security mirrors and look myself up and down, then yes.
21. Return the cart?:
Yes and no, I return the cart, but not to the cart return, I'm the guy who puts it in between two parking spaces so that no one will park there without having go move it first.
22. What is your relationship status? (single, taken...etc.)
etc.
23. Has anyone ever sang to you?:
Well I had a song written about me...Seal wrote it, it's called "Amazing".
24. Has anyone ever given you roses? when?:
Yes, yesterday, but they were dead and had a picture of me with my face crossed out stapled to them.
25. If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?:
Lets just say that if I was in a prison complex and had to fight my way out using a 2 foot long knife, the only problem I would have is getting physically tired...
26. Who do you text the most?:
...the Notepad document (If you get it, you're a nerd).
27. What does your last incoming text say?:
Twelve days... -Gregg the Grim Reaper
28. What does your last outgoing text say?:
Does that include weekends? Reply back ASAP.
29. What is your favorite color?:
I don't like any of them, they cause too much violence, fill up jails, and rape women...
...Unless you mean the other colors, like blue...I like blue.
30. What is a compliment you receive way too often?:
Quoted from the last time I received it (Last night) "Hahahaha, I forgot how funny you were"
31. How tall are you?:
6ft...give-or-take 40 inches.
32. Where is the furthest place you've traveled?:
According to Parmenides and Zeno, movement is an illusion.
33. Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep?:
Both (Sleating), it's very difficult to master, but once you've got it down a whole new world of endless possibilities opens up.
34. Do you look more like your mom or your dad?:
Like a male version of my mom, but weaker.
35. How long does it take you to shower?:
Regular shower: 8 minutes
Post-Paintball Shower: 20 minutes
Masturbation: +4 minutes
Talking out lout: +3 minutes
Sitting down crying: +5 minutes
36. Can you do splits?:
Only once...
37. Are you flexible?:
Like a fishing rod
38. What movie do you want to see?:
One where the guy committing infanticide is the hero...Juno looks good too (Three consecutive words with "oo" in them!).
39. What did you do on New Years eve 2007?:
Drink and Drive...and I STILL didn't hit those kids.
40. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?:
No, I also don't put my seat-back upright on plane takeoffs or wait behind the yellow line...YOU CAN'T STOP FREEDOM!
41. Are you scared of flyying?:
No, but I'm scared of people misspelling the word "flying"
42. Do you have any tatoos?:
I consider them more markers, one for each of my victims...no. Tattoos usually mean you're making the statement "Hey, look at me, I'm being unique by doing what every single high school rebel does...praise my non-conformity and lack of education!"
43. Do you like funny people or serious people?:
Funny people are great to surround myself with, but serious people are fun to fuck with "Oh no! The condom broke!" Haha, gets them every time.
44. What is your favorite song at the moment?
Daft Punk - Too Long/Steam Machine
45. Do you like chocolate?:
What kind of a person doesn't fucking like chocolate?!
46. Are you easy to get along with?:
If you're intelligent and have a completely open sense of humor, if not, then I'll probably be trying to poison you or push you in front of a moving car.
47. Are you a happy person?:
More than most people I know...and people I don't know for that matter.
