About me: What can I say. It's a cat's life. I'm amazing. On any given day, my hair looks better than yours does. It's true, don't feel bad.
Also, I belong on the table. And the counters. I rule this turf. I'm like the Lion King, you know?
Who I'd like to meet: I know everyone loves me. It's a little overwhelming. I'm not really here to meet other people. This is more a venue for others to feel like they have a chance to be friends with me.
Ahhhh ... Howie. Hey. Long time no see. No, no, I haven't forgotten about you. Well, no ... I haven't forgotten about that night either. Seriously, I don't think she found out. I mean, you know Carol, unless there's proof she won't believe it. What did I do with it? Well I just could bring myself to go through with it, you know. Don't yell I me! I'm soooo sorry, Howie. But I kept our baby. Please forgive me.
You simply must tell me who the vendor is (the stories I could tell you about some of those services, eew.) On another note, my surrogate Slave has finally noticed that I'm not feeling well. Something is defintely not quite right about my eye. (I had to scratch her repeatedly on the face to get the message across, which somehow she thought was MY fault. Really. Stupid substitue slave can't even tell when I'm unhappy by looking at me.) In any event, I'll soon by traveling by motor coach to a place called the "Vets." I've no idea what it entails, but it sounds dreadful, and I absolutely loathe trips outdoors even when sheltered by those metal contraptions. Even more unfair, the female doesn't have to go. She gets to stay home and eat my food! Simply awful.
Enjoy the delivered, probably freeze dried, reconstituted and quite possibly deadly fish,
I'm sorry - my Slave is not available at the moment. Currently I am punishing him for making me share a litter pan (disgusting term isn't it?) with another cat - and a female at that. He'll not be available to comment on your so-called popularity until he's finished catching large fish for me from a lake. It's far away from my kingdom (I so love making the fat fool travel) so I don't expect him back until Sunday night. If he does not bring my a very large bucket of fresh fish as I demanded, I shall send him back to that dreadful place with the florescent lighting again on Monday.
Respectfully (well, as much as is possible for a feline,)
Uh Howie, I think you have been a bad little kitty and didn't ask your mom before sending me a kitty. I may just have to refuse it because Daddy doesn't allow animals in our house. You may have a new little friend living with you and I don't know how you would like that... -Lynnette
Howie, I know that you were sad to see some of your precious hairs go, BUT you must understand. Your life is better because of the horrors I saved you from. I would think the sight of light blue and mustard yellow together in one item of clothing would make you feel faint. (Even though you are color blind). Tell your mom if she's not carefull, I"m going to submit that sweater to What NOT to Wear, and let Stacy and Clinton have a go at it :)
