The weight that lays on your shoulders could be the wings that carry you home "Every journey weather long or short is made up of individual steps"
Hi my name is Cecibel I am an incest survivor. The purpose of this page is to inform and aware a community about this horrible plaque that is infesting our nation. I am a spoke person for children and domestic violence victims. This is my story......
1980
This is written with love for those that have lived this story and those that love ones have lived this story.
Choices were made by a little girl - decisions well beyond her years. The choice was to escape violence and sexual abuse. The choice was not to live with incest after being submitted through it for three years. This is a little girl's story...and a woman's
Many years ago a little girl was growing up in what seemed to be an average family. Her parents worked and provided a place to live and food to eat. Played with, toys and books of her own, had one dog, two cats and about thirty fishes. She had pretty dresses and other clean clothes to wear.
Then
The little girl went to school and studied hard and got straight A's for years.This little girl's life was full of hidden pain and fears.
At home, where no one could see, was so much more. Where no one could hear were threats and fears. There was psychological, physical and sexual abuse. There were beatings for doing things wrong - slaps, fist, belt beatens and burns. Verbal threats were constant including threats of death if the little girl ever told anyone. There was sufficient violence that death, on occasion, was what the little girl wanted most. Her mother never knew of the violence because she left home everymorning at five in the morning and came home at seven in the evening. The rape started at 9. There is no reason to go into details. It was an adult with a child.It was her father who destroyed her dreams and the chance of being happy ever again.
Her mother was also a victim of the domestic violence if she interfered with any of the fathers rules she would get beaten.. During this time - ages of about 9-10 - some of the beatings were for showing and responding to the pain and hurt. When the tears would flow the beatings would escalate. This little girl was told that tears were a sign of weakness. So, in self defense, the tears stopped except when she was alone and cried herself to sleep.
After the last violent incident that left her with permanent scars in her mind, the tears stopped altogether. The heart stopped feeling. The soul of a child had been broken. Walls of self-protection was built in. High and thick walls was left of the little girl's being.
This self protection was withdrawnness, by silence, and by apparent acceptance of the situation that she was undergoing . To all who met this little girl she appeared composed and well adjusted. She was none of the above. She was beyond hurt and had moved to anger and defiance beneath the surface. Her mind continuosly reanimated the scene of stabbing her father and running away from home, she looked for someone to tell, Perhaps a teacher or the priest at St Jerome's school but was fearful of what the people thought or if they would believe her. Someone to trust with her story - even if it meant her own death.
One fateful day the little girl turned openly defiant . She confronted her abuser with her hate and defiance. The beating was bloody -sodomize her and violated in all terms, but she did not cry.
On the next day she escaped told the police. They were all appalled at the marks of the violence on this child. She did not cry when she told the police. She just collapsed and woke up three days after in the hospital. That same day her father was arrested. After she came out from the hospital she was taken under social services custody. Place on several foster homes that were abusive with her. She was very sad because was not allowed to see her mommy. Mommy was being charged too for neglect and being his acomplice. The little girl knew that her mom was a victim of his evil. Spoke out to the court and saved her mom of being accused falsely. The end of one of her testimonies was. I love my mommy and was scared for her life, everything I endured was because he was threatning me constantly about killing my mom. I love you mom... I am sorry for telling but I couldn 't take it no more.The father was sentence to ten years.The fathers family turned there back on her. She was defiant as the relatives whispered behind her about her causing her father arrest with all lies..
As the years passed by, the young girl grew into a smart but broken young woman. Many years of an uncontrollable lifestyle. Such as alcohol, addictions to controlled susbtances and the a desire to just give up on life. Several Suicide attemps but was rescued always by some angel that would come across her destiny.. One night a traggic accident changed her life. She was in a deep comma for months. In There something or someone spoke to her and sent her back to tell her story and finish the unfinished mission in her life. Confident in her ability to survive the ostracism from her family. Stronger every time the accusations and whispers returned about her responsibility for her father's reputation and conviction. Strong enough to survive without any of them. She had decided it was better to be alone or lonely than to be hurt. Sometimes there was anger and rage and defiance against those that accused her. No tears were ever shed.
With all this hope of changing her life around came an acceptance of the past. It cannot be changed but we can change ourselves. We can accept our defiance and use it to our advantage to fight for others. We can accept our strong and confident selves and pass that confidence on to others. We can love ourselves and learn to give love to others. This women changed.
One day - tears returned. These were tears and great wracking sobs that almost tore this young woman apart. The tears returned among because everything held inside was no longer able to stay there.. The walls of protection came tumbling down. Friends that stayed but stepped back when she needed time to re-group because they knew the process. Tears make you vulnerable and they are scary. The tears intermixed with anger and rage and defiance. And so the healing began for the little girl trapped in a woman's body. The young woman ultimately sought help from professionals and more tears flowed. Many other things have happened during the intervening years that caused the woman pain. A terrible sickness and a battle not only for her life but a battle to live and tell her story.
Now
Yet the tears have flowed freely as an acknowledgement of the cleansing and healing process.
Today the woman is strong and confident in her ability to stand alone. She is just as confident in her ability to stand with others and give love freely. There is still defiance and rage against those that would hurt others. She is defiant and strident in her defense of victims - against whatever is the source of their pain. Tears flow freely now - for any that hurt or are in pain and, on occasion, for the little girl lost. Today she is an activist against rape, domestic violence and child abuse. Today she is the mother of six wonderful children and a granddaughter. Feels grateful and blessed for there existence.Today she speaks openly and freely about her past because she's not a victim no more. She's a survivor. A survivor with dignity that holds her head up and will never be ashame of her past.
"As long as we're alive we have hope"
Sincerely
Cecibel Contreras
My story of strength and courage is dedicated to all survivors.
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The Statistics...
The U.S. Justice Department reports that by age 19, one in three girls and one in six boys will have been sexually assaulted or abused. Turning 19 without becoming a victim still is no guarantee of safety: One in four women and one in 10 men will be sexually assaulted or abused. If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse please reach out for help.
Where to Get Help...
National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-HOPE
Women Organized Against RAPE
1-215-985-3333
Child Help USA
1-800-4A-CHILD
http://www.rainn.org/
http://www.aware.org/
http://www.rapecrisis.com/
http://www.woar.org/
http://www.preventchildabuse.org/index.shtml
Rape is forced, unwanted sexual intercourse. Rape, sometimes also called sexual assault, can happen to both men and women of any age.
Rape is about power, not sex. A rapist uses actual force or violence - or the threat of it - to take control over another human being. Some rapists use drugs to take away a person's ability to fight back. Rape is a crime, whether the person committing it is a stranger, a date, an acquaintance, or a family member.
No matter how it happened, rape is frightening and traumatizing. People who have been raped need care, comfort, and a way to heal.
What Should I Do?
What's the right thing to do if you've been raped? Take care of yourself in the best way for you. For some people, that means reporting the crime immediately and fighting to see the rapist brought to justice. For others it means seeking medical or emotional care without reporting the rape as a crime. Every person is different.
There are three things that everyone who has been raped should do, though:
Know that the rape wasn't your fault.
Seek medical care.
Deal with your feelings.
It's Not Your Fault
Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault. No one has the right to have sex with you against your will. The blame for a rape lies solely with the rapist.
Sometimes a rapist will try to exert even more power by making the person who's been raped feel like it was actually his or her fault. A rapist may say stuff like, "You asked for it," or "You wanted it." This is just another way for the rapist to take control. The truth is that what a person wears, what a person says, or how a person acts is never a justification for rape.
Most people who are raped know their rapists. That can sometimes lead the person who's been raped to try to protect the perpetrator. Make protecting yourself your priority; don't worry about protecting the person who raped you. If you want to report the crime, do so. If you don't feel comfortable reporting it, though, you don't have to. Do whatever helps you feel safe and heal - without blaming yourself.
Seek Medical Care
The first thing someone who has been raped needs to do is see a medical doctor. Most medical centers and hospital emergency departments have doctors and counselors who have been trained to take care of someone who has been raped. It's important to get medical care because a doctor will need to check you for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and internal injuries.
Most areas have local rape hotlines listed in the phone book that can give you advice about where to go for medical help. You may want to have a friend or family member go along for support, especially if you're feeling upset and unsafe. Some rape crisis centers also provide advocates who can go along with you. You can also call the national sexual assault hotline at (800) 656-HOPE.
If you are under 18 and don't want your parents to know about the rape, I ask you sincerely to seek there help first. It's a good idea to ask the rape crisis center about the laws in your area. Many jurisdictions treat rape exams confidentially, but some will require that a parent or guardian be notified.
You should get medical attention right away without changing your clothes, showering, douching, or washing. It can be hard not to clean up, of course - it's a natural human instinct to wash away all traces of a sexual assault. But being examined right away is the best way to ensure you get proper medical treatment.
Immediate medical attention also helps when people decide to report the crime, providing evidence needed to prosecute the rapist if a criminal case is pursued. If you've been raped and think you don't want to report it, you could change your mind later - this often happens - and having the results of a medical exam can help you do this. (There are laws, known as statutes of limitations, that give a person only a certain amount of time to pursue legal action for a crime, though, so be sure you know how long you have to report the rape. A local rape crisis center can advise you of the laws in your area.)
Even if you don't get examined right away, it doesn't mean you can't get a checkup later. It's always best to see a doctor immediately after a rape, of course. But a person can still go to a doctor or local clinic to get checked out for STDs, pregnancy, or injuries any time after being raped. In some cases, doctors can even gather evidence several days after a rape has occurred.
What Happens During the Medical Exam?
When you go to the hospital after a rape, a trained counselor or social worker will listen while you talk about what happened. Talking to a trained listener can help you begin to release some of the emotions you are probably feeling so that you can start to feel calm and safe again.
The counselor may also talk with you about the medical exam and what it involves. Each state or jurisdiction has different requirements, of course, but here are some of the things that may happen during the medical exam:
A medical professional will test you for STDs, including HIV/AIDS. These tests may involve taking blood or saliva samples. Although the thought of getting an STD after a rape is extremely scary, the quicker a person finds out about any infection, the more effectively he or she can be treated. Doctors can start you on immediate treatment courses for STDs, including HIV/AIDS, that will greatly increase your protection against developing these diseases.
If you're female, a medical professional may treat you to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, if you wish.
A medical professional will examine you internally to check for any injury that might have been caused by the rape.
A medical professional or trained technician may look for and take samples of the rapist's hair, skin, nails, or bodily fluids from your clothes or body.
If you think you've been given a rape drug, a doctor or technician can test for this, too. Be aware that this toxicology test covers any and all illegal drugs.
At any time during the medical exam, you can say if you don't want a certain test performed or evidence collected. All procedures are being done to help you, so you have control over which procedures you'd like done, as well as a say in any you don't want.
Dealing With Feelings
Rape isn't just physically damaging, it can be emotionally traumatic as well. The right emotional attention, care, and support can help a person begin the healing process and prevent lingering problems later on.
Someone who has been raped might feel a lot of things: angry, degraded, frightened, numb, or confused. It's also normal for someone who has been raped to feel ashamed or embarrassed. Some people withdraw from friends and family. Others don't want to be alone. Some feel depressed, anxious, or nervous.
Sometimes the feelings surrounding rape may show up in physical ways, such as trouble sleeping or eating. It may be hard to concentrate in school or to participate in everyday activities. Sometimes it may feel like you'll never get over the trauma of the rape. Experts often refer to these emotions - and their physical side effects - as rape trauma syndrome. The best way to work through them is with professional help.
It can be hard to think or talk about a frightening experience, especially something as personal as rape. People who have been raped sometimes avoid seeking help because they're afraid that talking about it will bring back memories or feelings that are too painful. But this can actually do more harm than good.
Talking about rape in a safe environment with the help and support of a trained professional is the best way to ensure long-term healing. Working through the pain sooner rather than later can help reduce symptoms like nightmares and flashbacks. It can also help people avoid potentially harmful behaviors and emotions, like major depression or self-injury.
Hope , Healing and Beyond
In knowledge there is power, and empowerment for the incest survivors to overcome the effect of there victimization. I hope that my testimony serves as a motivational analysis of the consequences and after effects of what you may feel. I hope in here I help yourself, your love ones and other women who are in this situation. I hope this page touches an individual life to the extent to know that there not alone and think of your life in a different way not only about incest, but also about other human experiences such as Child abuse and domestic violence.
Reading my page perhaps will not change a person's life. No problem as traumatic in its effects and as deeply wounded as incest can be resolved with only words of inspiration.Even though I dearly hope that it can. The survivor can pursue this painful and challenging journey in many ways. Some involve working with a therapist; some do not. Many survivors find that phsycotherapy in combination with self help groups is more productive than one individually. Other activities may also enhance recovery to a more peaceful and accepting life.
Certain after effects clearly on incest or another type of abuse.
* Blocking out some period of early years or person.
* Night terror
Alienation from body
Intolerance to being touched
Self inflicting, self injury
A desire of acting promiscuos, or sexual incapacity
Difficulty with water
Desire to change name
Gag reflex ( incest victims) may suffer this sensation.
Inapropiate clothing. Dark baggy and very conservative.
uncomfortable using public bathrooms
A pattern an relationship with older and more powerful partners
Alcohol, addictive disorders.
After effects 1-2-5-9-12- 13 were very true in my life. I underwent all of these effects and continue to have night terror. I remember as child being scared of the night because I knew I was soon going to be attacked. Darkness scared me. I remember the ticking of the clock and me curling up in my bed awaiting for the monster to come in and kill my innocence over and over again.
If you are troubled with any of the after effects in the list or you or a loved one may have been subjected to any type of abuse and is living in silence and encountering these side effect (please seek help immediately) In therapeutic services, workshop, writing and other activities. Recovery services help survivors change there auto destructive behaviors and heal from a violated and bruised childhood.
Empowerment to heal by healing other lives.
Many times I've been faced with questions that can be hurting even perhaps disrespectful. Like such.... Why are you doing this? Is it for the money? No its not. I don't ask anyone for monetary contributions. Money is not going going to put together my fractured self. Money will not give me back my childhood, my father and every dream that was broken with this attack. You know what will fulfill me? Knowing I made a difference in someone's life. A tiny remote difference gives me happiness. I'm a simple person who struggles with life adversities. I work, have a family and confront pretty much the things a regular human being has to confront. I do this on my own time, yes I would like to dedicate my everything to this cause but unfourtunately it will take time before my contribution will entirely shine all the way.
It takes many bricks to construct a path, the last one will be when I see less molestation, less rape cases and more awareness. So I believe I have a long journey to walk. But my faith will never stop. That is why I encourage you not break down. You made it this far already, survive to live, live to survive well.
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