The Captain Comes Out Of Hiding... Declines to Fight For Intestinal Fortitude. October 21, 2009
The Captain has contacted me for the first time in about half a year with a new video message. In response to this October 19th message from Lord Valcron (and the July 3rd video message from Valcron and Mantooth, available further down on this page)...
...The Captain has retorted...
It appears The Captain is taking the coward's way out and refusing to resolve any of the issues at hand, instead opting to completely decline payment of debt to his former bandmates, and surrendering the Intestinal Fortitude brand he built without a fight. Without The Captain's presence, the forthcoming performance on October 30th at Reno's Chop Shop should be Intestinal Fortitude's most stable and peaceful to date!
Intestinal Fortitude Under New Management! Band Will Continue Without Founding Member October 19, 2009
This is not a biographical article, but, to put things in perspective, Intestinal Fortitude was launched in the summer of 2005 as a one-man band. With Chris "The Captain" Andrews at the helm, writing, performing, and recording all of the music and lyrics for the act and releasing demo tracks via the internet, the band was, for all intents and purposes, one man's vision. Over time, however, the vision started to blur.
This reporter has personally communicated with the Captain on several occasions. I met him in mid-2005 at a live WWE event -- striking up a conversation based on a Brutal Truth T-shirt in which he was clad, it was soon revealed to me that this man, who physically resembled Triple H, also happened to play drums in a locally-based grindcore band with which I was very familiar: Kill the Client. I conducted an interview with him for a class of mine (at the time, I was a sophomore journalism major), and, shortly after receiving a passing grade for the resulting report, the Captain contacted me about covering a new project of his from its inception. The project was called Intestinal Fortitude, and I loved the concept so much I promised to write articles, update the website, and perform various other duties, free of charge, for as long as the band was active. However, as time went on, the Captain quite noticeably lost the flame he had in those early days of the band’s creation. It became harder and harder to reach him, until, eventually, he stopped returning my calls altogether. Intestinal Fortitude would gig sporadically, and I would always find out about it through some indirect source. Watching every Intestinal Fortitude show chronologically was a testament to the deterioration of the Captain’s state. The skill in his playing, his will to interact with people, and even his physical appearance steadily declined. As a recovering drug addict myself, I recognized many of the telltale signs of a self-abusive downward spiral in him, but there was obviously more than just one single source factoring into his problem. But, as is the case with so many people plagued by these types of demons, they will be the last person to communicate the depth of their issues to the world outside.
Now it is the Fall of 2009. Intestinal Fortitude has officially and unofficially broken up, quit, and/or retired multiple times over the last 4 years, and their last known public performance was over a year ago (see: “What a Lack of Difference a Year Makes!” lower on this page). As far as I knew, the Captain had hung up his boots for good, so it came as a shock when I discovered Intestinal Fortitude was booked to play Reno’s Chop Shop on October 30. Was this a new band, unaware that the name had already been used? Or had the Captain beat his demons and regained the motivation to reactivate his pet project? The answer ended up being neither of these.
Earlier in the summer, I reported on a video Lord Valcron and Mantooth had made (see: The Captain's "Great Depression”) in which they accused the Captain of shorting them for money promised them as compensation for their services in the band. As Valcron told me over the telephone last week: “We told him he needed to give us our f***ing money or else we’d take it from him some other way. After a while of trying to get a hold of him with no answer, we just decided we would make the money back using his own songs, his own brand…” Valcron detailed to me a plan intended not only to reimburse the monetary debt incurred by the Captain, but also to smear reputation of the Intestinal Fortitude creator with any chance he is afforded. “He decided not to play by the rules, so we won’t either. What’s he going to do, sue us?”
In a week and a half, Valcron will unveil his new Intestinal Fortitude in Deep Ellum, Dallas. “The first line-up of the band had its first show here, and now the line-up that everybody will remember 10, 20 years down the road will have its first show here.” Valcron claims the group he has assembled is “faster, sicker, brutaller [sic], and just f***ing better,” than previous incarnations, and he also claims to have a few surprises up his sleeve, such as the return of an ex-member who “likes the music but can’t stand being around the a**hole who wrote it… just like us.” Valcron has also issued a new video statement, dubbed “The Valcron Chamber,” in which he gives a first-hand account of the issue at hand. I have posted that below [Now it has been reposted in the October 21st update -- ed.].
I know reporting is supposed to be objective, but I would be remiss if I did not take the opportunity to editorialize a bit here. Music is a gift to the world, and, once it is created, it is the property of the world, not the creator. If that creator can no longer support or put forth the effort required to sustain the perpetuation of the music, and someone else can, then more power to that someone else. As someone who has been around Intestinal Fortitude since its humble beginnings, I give my full endorsement to Lord Valcron and his undertaking of this new line-up. I wish them nothing but good luck and success.
Intestinal Fortitude v.2.0 plays Friday, October 30 at Reno’s Chop Shop on 210 N. Crowdus in Deep Ellum.
The Captain's "Great Depression;" Band Mates Tell All! July 3rd, 2009
The underground metal scene is never short of lunatics and flakes. And what often amounts to a business with no revenue can certainly bring out the most cretinous qualities of any human being. I do not know what to make of the following video, sent to this reporter by "P.R. Public Relations." In what plays out like an Al-Qaeda ransom video, sans beheading, recorded for cable access television, the guitarist and drummer of the last known Intestinal Fortitude live line-up speak out against the Captain and his business practices. I cannot blame them, the economy being what it is, for taking this course of action, though it is not exactly clear what they want, and there certainly are better courses of action to take (Judge Alex, anyone?). Do they want the money? Do they want physical retribution? Both? You decide:
What a Lack of Difference a Year Makes! June 6th, 2009
Strapp here. Apologies for the lack of updates. As you might have guessed, I have suffered a few relapses, but I am feeling okay right now, and that's what matters most when every day is a fight for your life.
Intestinal Fortitude did "open" a show for Possessed last June, but video footage of the event has not been released due to "embarrassment" from a majority of the performers involved. "This was supposed to be our best show to date. It ended up being our worst," commented keyboardist Sad Ronald, "This was my farewell show before leaving the state and it was the biggest disappointment in my life since the day my parents left to 'go to the grocery store' and never came back."
The show started with Ronald, Captain on drums/vocals, Orion on guitar, Valcron on guitar, and it may or may not have featured Keith Kabron on bass (these pills really do a number on your memory, and I only have that to work on right now). Captain got "tired" after a song or two and refused to continue. Never mind the fact that he was trying to play drums and sing while wearing leather pants and nursing a hang over at 4 in the afternoon... "The Captain never practices and stays up every night past dawn wasting all his energy on booze and whores, it's no wonder he can't play drums anymore," Keith Kabron told me over the course of a phone interview last week, "And what kind of dumb-ass tries to play blast beats in leather pants in Texas in the summer?"
Money was offered to anybody who could resume the set behind the drum kit, and a large gentleman who goes by the name of "MANtooth" volunteered his services. For a session drummer who has had no preparation (and probably had never even heard these songs before), he did relatively well... but that is not to say the performance did not sound like garbage. "My tone was so sick and serpentine I was able to ignore how f***ed up everything else was sounding," Valcron commented to me hours after the show. Orion the Future had a slightly different opinion, "We all f***ing sucked today. It was like a nightmare, opening a show for the guys who basically invented 'Death Metal,' and it was the most pathetic performance I've ever been a part of. All I could hear on stage was Valcron, and his amp sounds like a g******ed dental drill through a megaphone."
After completely draining what little energy existed from the room in about three or four songs, the soundman for the venue gave the band the "You Have One Song Left" order about 20 minutes early. It was an act of mercy. "They f***ing sucked, I'm not in this business to make friends," commented the soundman, who preferred to remain anonymous for the purpose of this article.
There was a dispute over MANtooth's payment for his session work due to the fact that the set was cut short. This resulted in a physical altercation in which the stand-in drummer decked the Captain and ran away with his Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes sized check. Later on in the evening, the Captain lost an arm-wrestling match to Jeff Becerra of Possessed and relinquished his World Arm Wrestling Championship to the paraplegic metal legend. Even later, he was ejected from the venue for engaging in an altercation with an NYDM member. "F*** everybody," the Captain told me in summation of the evening over the course of an April 2009 phone conversation, "They don't know." When prodded further as to what, specifically, "they" do not know, the Captain disconnected the telephone.
Now, onto the present. My sources tell me that last night, June 5th, at Reno's Chop Shop in Deep Ellum, Psychiatric Regurgitation (a death metal band currently featuring Valcron and MANtooth) was playing a set when the Captain showed up in the audience. Valcron did not take kindly to the Captain's presence and began to criticize him from the stage. At the conclusion of P.R.'s set, Valcron dropped his guitar, hopped off the stage, and took off running straight for the Captain, who caught Valcron in a headlock and dropped him to the ground. The fight was broken up shortly, but both parties had that look of seething unrequited rage in their eyes afterwards. Interesting development. I wonder where this will lead?
Opening for Possessed?! Plus VIDEO FOOTAGE of the return show June 15th, 2008
The headline is fairly self-explanatory. Intestinal Fortitude has somehow secured a spot on an upcoming show with thrash/death metal legends POSSESSED in Fort Worth, TX. This not only marks the first time Intestinal Fortitude plays with a band by which it was influenced, but also the first time the band makes its way to Cowtown. What an event it shall be! More information is contained in the Shows section of this page.
Also, Cellular Phone Camera footage of Intestinal Fortitude's surprise "set" at the Lone Star Country Club last month has surfaced. While it is not entirely clear what is taking place due to the nature of the recording device and the venue's lighting, I have been able to deduce through this video and witness testimony that the following took place...
Intestinal Fortitude took the stage as a five piece with the Captain (drunk; couldn't even do the show without a beer in hand) on vocals only, Lord Valcron (sans corpsepaint) and Orion on guitars, Bad Ronald on bass guitar, and session drums from Eddy of Cancerwhore. They played "The Game," or thirty seconds of it, rather, before the song/show was "cancelled" by the drunken Captain. This roused complaints from the other members of the band and from fans, who felt cheated and disappointed. Eddy and one particular fan got in the Captain's face as he tried to exit the venue, and this resulted in a physical altercation. Eddy was taken out of the picture after he got the shortest straw in a punch-trading contest with the Captain. The fan also received a series of straight right hands, taking him to the ground, leaving him susceptible to a flying elbow drop from the Captain off of Lone Star Country Club's outdoor stage. The Captain's gloating after this act gave the fan enough time to get back up and insert himself back into the fight -- the Captain was happy to oblige, grabbing a steel folding chair and throwing it full-speed into the fan's head, laying him back out on the ground (he might still be there to this day). Now onto the video evidence...
The Return May 15th, 2008
I have received word that Intestinal Fortitude performed a surprise live show last weekend at their old familiar haunt, the Lonestar Country Club. Apparently, and not surprisingly, the show was short on music and ended upon the breakout of a fight. More details to follow... Morbid Anal Fog Finished?! Intestinal Fortitude Returning?! May 5th, 2008
Freelance reporter Jack Strapp here, returning from the indefinite hiatus brought on by the disbanding of Intestinal Fortitude last year. First thing's first, I am 20 days out of rehab and 110 days sober, so TAKE THAT, VICODIN.
And now on to more pertinent business. I'm drudging up my old password to access this account and inform the 1 or 2 Intestinal Fortitude fans who may or may not keep current with this website that there is actually some activity in the long dormant Intestinal Fortitude camp. First and foremost, it appears as if the Captain has updated the Intestinal Myspace with a new logo image. The Captain has not personally returned my phone calls, but word around the grapevine is that the Captain competed in Japan for both the World Arm Wrestling and World Intergender Wrestling championships. He took home Arm Wrestling gold, but, due to a disqualification, the Intergender title did not make its way back to America. So far, the only photographic proof of either match is the image embedded within the updated logo. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, the band which occupied the Captain's attentions and ultimately led to the destruction of Intestinal Fortitude in August of 2007 -- Morbid Anal Fog -- has had their own onstage meltdown and has proclaimed themselves to be in "Inactive" status. Not surprisingly, the Captain was at the center of the drama, first creating inter-band tension before a note was played by refusing to apply corpsepaint for the black metal show, and then boiling over at the end of the set, vacating his drum kit and getting behind the microphone to proclaim his exit from the band. To add insult to injury, the Captain cursed Satan and praised God (yes, the God who stands for inner peace, love, and forgiveness -- don't ask me how the Captain decided to align himself with these values, I am just as confused). Video proof of the incident (along with the entire performance) has surfaced and can be viewed below...
My duty as a reporter is the assemble the facts and interpret them in a manner which communicates something clearly evident within the facts but not explicitly stated by them. From these two bits of evidence, I am able to infer that perhaps Intestinal Fortitude is not as "finished" as they once claimed to be.......
Deep Ellum Death Grind August 25th, 2007 Intestinal Fortitude plays, despite the Captain, having recently rejoined Morbid Anal Fog, attempting to get his black metal act on in its place. Cotexxx is invited back into the band under the condition that he battles Orion the Future in a guitar-solo-off. Lord Valcron is avenged by the fan whom he and the Captain dumped into a dumpster at the Night of Intestines. The Captain asks Orion to leave, and he answers with a SPEAR.
Friday the 13th, The Night of Intestines July 13, 2007 Intestinal Fortitude plays to a packed house. Lord Valcron of Morbid Anal Fog hard sells the return of Lord Beard (The Captain's former moniker of grimness). The Captain puts on the corpsepaint and reenters the black metal scene, turning on one-time ally Psycho Steve Cotexxx and violently extricating him from the band. However, an attempt on Orion the Future leaves the Captain in a precarious position, inserted into a kick drum, temporarily blinded and open to an agitated fan's attack with a lawn chair. The Captain retaliates with his body as a weapon against the fan, and newly anti-christened teammate Valcron comes to the Captain's aid, resulting in a taking out of the trash, so to speak (pun intended).
This is my application to become Intestinal Fortitude's number one fan. We've already run down Lord Valcron to profess our love of IF @ Guitar Center parking lot and I got my pic taken with the Captain Wed night:
May Intestional Fortitude's eternal struggle for band leadership be long and brutal.
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