Despite my attitude, prayers (I am not knocking God!) and lots of time, good-health practices and Photo-Dynamic Laser Therapy and months awaiting a healing, my cancer has returned and is now more aggressive and worse! They claim its now made its way into my blood vessels near the wound site. Also, if I do not do something quick (and possibly extreme!) I may be dead within 6-12 months.
All I can say is: I am in shock! I cannot think, and I have NO IDEA of what move to make now. The doctors here continue here to PUSH ME and SCARE me as they want me to go in and have ancient surgery where they will taske this 5-inch wound on my left shoulder, back andneck,. do a 2-inch margin around it (A total of 7 inches) and CUT ITR ALL OUT, including my muscles, nerves and good tissue. Hence, I will be crippled on my left side. Meaning, no more guitar for me, no mroe weight-lifting, and do you guys know? Whenever a wound this large is cut, it WILL spread! So,. 6 months for now, they'll call me in and say "We did not get it all so we need to cut out anoher chunck!" and it will spread all over my body. So, my back's against the wall, I have no back up plans and I am literally iN DEBT and out of cash! Even with insurance, I am looknig 45 days in the hospital, multipleskin grafts, my arm being dead, fess and then it will spread and so more treaments..I am lookng at over $200,000 in the end! WITH INSURANCE! Plus, after everything I have been through, can I now withstand this? I know everyone will be writting me saying "Do it! You can take it!" I'd like YOU to imagine not being able to play guitar, not to lift weights, not to be able to feed yourself, not to be able to dress yourself and will need full time medical care for months! I almost rather die!
I am looking up other options and am checking with some accredited universitites so hopefully once I feel my prayers have been answered and guidanceprovied, I will choose something but for today, I have no idea of what to do! My Doc in Arkansaskeeps telling me its NOT alive and the biopsy was not read correctly! I don't know who to believe now. I must admit, I have been feeeling a lot better!
So, to hell wih all of this, for now. Please, don't write me saying "Think positve! You'll be ok!" I am not being negative, no, but a realist. Things are looking piss-poor and I have NO IDEA of what to do! I have had enough out of this life. Sorry guys, but I have had to totally re-adjust to my life MANY TIMES and I am out of patience! But I am still trying to think clearly and am trying to remain calm and am searching. Duke is good and so is Loma Linda out in CA! The Cancer Treatment Center of America also gave me some great resources.
I wish you guys a good day and be careful! Sun-tanning, drugs and general abuse of your body WILL catch up with you!