Well guys,
Despite my attitude, prayers (I am not knocking God!) and lots of time, good-health practices and Photo-Dynamic Laser Therapy and months awaiting a healing, my cancer has returned and is now more aggressive and worse! They claim its now made its way into my blood vessels near the wound site. Also, if I do not do something quick (and possibly extreme!) I may be dead within 6-12 months.
All I can say is: I am in shock! I cannot think, and I have NO IDEA of what move to make now. The doctors here continue here to PUSH ME and SCARE me as they want me to go in and have ancient surgery where they will taske this 5-inch wound on my left shoulder, back andneck,. do a 2-inch margin around it (A total of 7 inches) and CUT ITR ALL OUT, including my muscles, nerves and good tissue. Hence, I will be crippled on my left side. Meaning, no more guitar for me, no mroe weight-lifting, and do you guys know? Whenever a wound this large is cut, it WILL spread! So,. 6 months for now, they'll call me in and say "We did not get it all so we need to cut out anoher chunck!" and it will spread all over my body. So, my back's against the wall, I have no back up plans and I am literally iN DEBT and out of cash! Even with insurance, I am looknig 45 days in the hospital, multipleskin grafts, my arm being dead, fess and then it will spread and so more treaments..I am lookng at over $200,000 in the end! WITH INSURANCE! Plus, after everything I have been through, can I now withstand this? I know everyone will be writting me saying "Do it! You can take it!" I'd like YOU to imagine not being able to play guitar, not to lift weights, not to be able to feed yourself, not to be able to dress yourself and will need full time medical care for months! I almost rather die!
ALMOST!
I am looking up other options and am checking with some accredited universitites so hopefully once I feel my prayers have been answered and guidanceprovied, I will choose something but for today, I have no idea of what to do! My Doc in Arkansaskeeps telling me its NOT alive and the biopsy was not read correctly! I don't know who to believe now. I must admit, I have been feeeling a lot better!
So, to hell wih all of this, for now. Please, don't write me saying "Think positve! You'll be ok!" I am not being negative, no, but a realist. Things are looking piss-poor and I have NO IDEA of what to do! I have had enough out of this life. Sorry guys, but I have had to totally re-adjust to my life MANY TIMES and I am out of patience! But I am still trying to think clearly and am trying to remain calm and am searching. Duke is good and so is Loma Linda out in CA! The Cancer Treatment Center of America also gave me some great resources.
I wish you guys a good day and be careful! Sun-tanning, drugs and general abuse of your body WILL catch up with you!
Hayden
Hey my wonderful brother i know things look bad but i know you'll pull through this just like you have everything in your life you are to tough! and in to good of condition and in the end after you get done what needs to be done you'll be standing straight and doing whatever you so please.i feel for you you are my only one full blooded brother and a great example of how to be anybody on the face of the earth should follow in your footsteps cause your all about success and intelligence and charisma and YOUR ALWAYS IN MY PRAYERS AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HAYDEN YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME IF YOU WANT TO CHAT let me know about your status and if theirs anything at all i can do please just tell me or better yet ask me
I LOVE YOU BOOG- GOD BLESS:
from your younger beloved brother kevin AKA master jedi K.
I can't even begin to fathom what you are going through. All I can say is that I am deeply sorry that you are going through this. And if you EVER want to talk about anything, I am here.
God bless you Hayden.
Hayden,
Just know you always know how to reach me if you want to or need to. I will be thinking about you.
Hayden,
I know u don't wanna hear from us, ur friends, right now but I have got to tell you that I love you & admire your strength. You have overcome more obstacles in your short life than most do in an entire lifetime. I will keep you in my prayers & with your permission I'd like to put your name on a national prayer chain.
I understand that you are being realistic. Im a realist too. The cancer is real. The way you choose to handle it is another thing. Keep your eyes on the prize my friend. The only advice I want to give you is to take this one step @ a time & don't let your brain get overwhelmed w/ negative thoughts. Also, keep your faith in God. It is in these times that he carries us. He is carrying you now, even though it may not feel like it.
You are a wonderful friend & I love you dearly. Life is hard but nothing worth having is easy, Right?? thats what everyone keeps telling me. I'm glad I subscribed to your blog. You always have alot of smart things to say. I am inspired by you & the strength you have always shown. I value our friendship & always have. Sending Lots of Love & Hugs & Kisses & Prayers, Annie Collins xoxo
ps. why don't u subscribe to my blog, I'd like to know what you have to say... your opinion is important to me.
Hayden,
I know u don't wanna hear from us, ur friends, right now but I have got to tell you that I love you & admire your strength. You have overcome more obstacles in your short life than most do in an entire lifetime. I will keep you in my prayers & with your permission I'd like to put your name on a national prayer chain.
I understand that you are being realistic. Im a realist too. The cancer is real. The way you choose to handle it is another thing. Keep your eyes on the prize my friend. The only advice I want to give you is to take this one step @ a time & don't let your brain get overwhelmed w/ negative thoughts. Also, keep your faith in God. It is in these times that he carries us. He is carrying you now, even though it may not feel like it.
You are a wonderful friend & I love you dearly. Life is hard but nothing worth having is easy, Right?? thats what everyone keeps telling me. I'm glad I subscribed to your blog. You always have alot of smart things to say. I am inspired by you & the strength you have always shown. I value our friendship & always have. Sending Lots of Love & Hugs & Kisses & Prayers, Annie Collins xoxo
ps. why don't u subscribe to my blog, I'd like to know what you have to say... your opinion is important to me.
Hayden,
I know u don't wanna hear from us, ur friends, right now but I have got to tell you that I love you & admire your strength. You have overcome more obstacles in your short life than most do in an entire lifetime. I will keep you in my prayers & with your permission I'd like to put your name on a national prayer chain.
I understand that you are being realistic. Im a realist too. The cancer is real. The way you choose to handle it is another thing. Keep your eyes on the prize my friend. The only advice I want to give you is to take this one step @ a time & don't let your brain get overwhelmed w/ negative thoughts. Also, keep your faith in God. It is in these times that he carries us. He is carrying you now, even though it may not feel like it.
You are a wonderful friend & I love you dearly. Life is hard but nothing worth having is easy, Right?? thats what everyone keeps telling me. I'm glad I subscribed to your blog. You always have alot of smart things to say. I am inspired by you & the strength you have always shown. I value our friendship & always have. Sending Lots of Love & Hugs & Kisses & Prayers, Annie Collins xoxo
ps. why don't u subscribe to my blog, I'd like to know what you have to say... your opinion is important to me.