University Of Michigan-Ann Arbor
Ann Arbor,MI
Graduated: N/A
Degree: In Progress
Major: Screen Arts and Culture, English
Clubs: South Quad Hall Council, College Democrats, Community Circle Student Facilitator, Circle K Community Service
2008 to Present
Waverly Senior High School
Lansing,Michigan
Graduated: 2008
Student status: Alumni
Clubs: Symphonic Band, Marching Band, Jazz Band, Varsity Tennis (Spring), Spanish Honor Society, Academic Letter, THE LUNCHTIME MUNCHKINS, Animal Rights Club [PR Officer], Asian Pacific Awareness Club, On the Town Cast, Friday Night Knitting Circle, Reflections 2007-2008!, Little Shop of Horrors Cast 2007, Waverly Big Brother Competition CHAMPION
I hate people who walk like horses.
I'm going to attend the University of Michigan in the fall (most likely) for a BA in Film Studies, then I'm going to Full Sail in Florida for a BA in Film Production. Then it's off to Hollywood! :D
I like running up staircases and skipping every other step (like Julia! haha).
I work at Cold Stone and I love every moment of it.
My goal is to make every quiet person I meet loud and obnoxious like me.
MEGAN YOU'RE NEXT
I basically like everyone I meet.
Caribou Coffee bars are the SHIT.
I love seeing people from high school out in public because I know I won't see much of them anymore.
Video game music owns you.
Competitive dance shows rock (FANNY PACK!).
I miss my childhood.
Top questions asked at work; you can't ask a question further down without asking the question(s) preceding it.
1. How tall are you?
2. Do you play basketball?
3. How tall are your parents?
4. WHAT DO THEY FEED YOU?!
Shut the hell up already.
I'mma go clubbin with Randi and the other Cold Stone girls.
Haaaaaahaha.
Josh's Milkshake
My whipped ice dairy drink brings the attention of many females to my place of residence and/or employment,
And they declare that its quality far surpasses that of yours.
Absolutely, it far surpasses yours.
I could convey to you the recipe, but I would have to demand compensation.
The Awesomeness of Josh
Josh's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Josh once dropkicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Josh lost his virginity before his dad did.
Josh sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Josh dropkicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Josh built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Josh met all three bullets with his foot, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Josh.
Josh is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fists.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Josh.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Josh.
When Josh was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he dropkicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Josh.
Josh owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 2003 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a green number 4 from Uno and a Monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.
Josh does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Josh.
Josh can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Josh pajamas.
Josh can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Josh.
When Josh falls in water, Josh doesn't get wet. Water gets Josh.
Josh can speak braille.
Geico saved 15% by switching to Josh.
Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Josh is on yet.
Josh was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.
Oxygen requires Josh to live.
The phrase "Made by Josh" is imprinted beneath the surface of China.
Road Trip Poetry
A Fowl Breakfast
by: Jenelle Smith, Andrew Fritz, Josh Ferguson, and Sydney McIntosh (alternating lines, in that order)
In a land not far away,
there lived a puffin, and his name was Jay.
His eyes were green, and his feet were square,
He always had sex, and loved his hair.
He strutted about, like he owned the place,
but his whorish ways were a big disgrace.
All of the other puffins were impressed by his "size",
the ladies went crazy with hollers and cries.
Not only his "size" made him the best,
but also his beautiful, puffinly breast.
However, Jay did have a flaw,
from outside his abdomen, he had an extra claw.
His extra claw would poke and hurt,
once, it destroyed a Mongol yurt.
Jay's claw also had a mind of its own,
it had a culinary degree, and loved making scones.
But Jay could not part from his extra nail,
yet it would always impale things, without fail.
One day, the claw schemed a devious scheme,
he said, "screw scones, I want some ice cream!"
So the claw departed and found a recipe,
one big enough for a family!
Now Jay's tummy had a giant hole,
he made the ice cream quickly to please his soul.
With the ice cream, he felt great joy,
Jay the puffin was a happy boy.
Now that he magically transformed into a human,
he took his claw and broke it in cumin.
Now that Jay was free from the burden,
he could get back to lovin' and flirtin'.
I want a waffle,
THE FUCKING END!
A Different Kind of Cat Nip
by: Sydney McIntosh, Jenelle Smith, Andrew Fritz, and Josh Ferguson (alternating lines, in that order)
There once was a little old woman,
she still lived with her mom and dad.
And so, she could get no man,
'cause her breath smelled pretty bad.
Her dentures would fall out at random,
while she was in the middle of eating.
So her gums would chew in tandem,
and her mouth would keep bleeding.
Aside from her bloody mouth, her hair was white,
and her skin resembled ruffled chips.
Her jaw had a horrible under bite,
which construed her horribly chapped lips.
She loved Carmex,
like Josh and his trendy specs.
Her cat was named Tex,
AND IT LIKED TO HAVE SEX!!!
Put two and two together (a cat and a lonely woman),
and PETA will be on their way.
So the woman will hide her chaps of leather,
and her German Shephard filet.
Sadly enough, she was taken away,
and Tex was home alone.
But he was horny and needed a lay,
so he humped the telephone.
It got real messy,
as it usually does.
He screamed, "whoa, Bessie!"
and then felt a buzz.
In the midst of his humping,
his cell phone rang.
He kept on thrusting,
and it ended with a BANG!
He left the mess and walked away,
and up next was the washing machine.
He'd really enjoy this shaking, bubbly foray,
and when he was done, he was squeaky clean.
He picked up the phone with a big horny meow,
it was the old lady and her one phone call.
Oh, how her field he wanted to plow,
but he didn't.
He though better and went to see his maiden,
ready to make bail, he headed to the jail house.
In his kitty-kat pants he was "heavily laden",
but at the entrance, he saw a guard mouse.
That was his appetizer,
for what was to come.
He licked his rough-feeling tongue on his dirty incisor,
and descended upon its bum.
The mouse squealed with delight,
but Tex decided to move along to his original goal.
He would free his lover if it took all night,
but all of the penetration took its toll.
He paid the bail and got himself ready,
they both ran out to their car.
They drove home, the wheel stayed steady,
and then Tex died.
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