Robot Slave
Female / Sketch Comedy
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I am in your clutches...your damnable clutches!
Male
37 years old
London, Ontario
Canada
Last Login: 5/30/2009
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Robot Slave's Comedian Bio
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| Bio | I grew up in a small town in Ontario and moved to a small town in Ontario. I cracked a couple of jokes this one time but then there was an explosion and everybody stopped laughing. My moment was over. I wish that explosion had never happened! I can't complain though, because of my religion. I'm a recent convert to the Church Of Optomistic Leanings (COOL), but frankly it's a bit of a drag. These people have some seriously screwed-up notions about their lives...it's like a non-stop parade of delusion. Anyway, I can't complain because of my religion. | | Website | fullyinsured.ca | | Influences | Insolent Children, Emotional Duress, Tragedy | | TV Shows | Guy Who's Afraid To Talk To The Police in "LAW & ORDER: SEXY VICTIMS UNIT"; Kind, Quiet Boyfriend Who Comes In At The End To Console The Traumatized Girl in "NYPD BLUE: NJPD BLUE"; Guy Who Says "That Was Totally Lame!" on MTV's "VIDEOS GET CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM"; Larry on "HUCK IT!" | | Films | Guy Who Gets Punched By Colin Farrell in "MIAMI VICE"; Guy Who Gets Punched by Colin Farrell in "S.W.A.T"; Guy Who Gets Punched By Colin Farrell in "ALEXANDER"; Guy Who Gets Punched By Colin Farrell in "VERONICA GUERIN"; Second Guy Who Gets Crushed To Death Against The Chain-Link Fence in "BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM". | | Albums | "The Heart's Got A Heart In Its Mind's Eye," 1988; "Filthy Oars," 1992; "Disco Plantation," 1997; "Bucktastic Flingathon," 1998; "The Night I Stopped Short Of Impressing You," 2001; and the soon-to-be-released "This Is The New Aerosmith Record." |
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Robot Slave's Interests
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| General | High Speed Performance Heckling, Cheese Kool-Aid, Goat World, Three Bastards Burrito, Coldheart Poodle, House Of A Million Left-Handed Grandmothers, I Just Lost The Game, The Oxford Dictionary of Globbedy-Glook, Assorted Interests Super Store, Eternal Ham Nation, Eat-And-Run, hoopla, and feasting on live squid in its natural environment. | | Music | Interesting trivia: pan flute music sends me into a flying rage! I don't understand why that happens. It should have a calming effect! | | Movies | One time, I went by myself to the movies...this was back in the eighties...I just thought I'd take an afternoon off and just chill out and be by myself, you know, maybe see a movie or something. So I go to the movie, and I don't know, it's something about this woman who can't get out of Africa or something, or maybe she couldn't get into Africa, something about her passport, or whatever. Anyway it was really engaging for about an hour, and then suddenly I heard a snap and I jumped up in my seat and shouted, "this is horseshit!" at the top of my lungs, over and over and over. The management tried to escort me out, but in my inexplicable rage, I jammed the straw from my jumbo drink into his nose and popped a sinus and had to go to juvie for two years. Then later I saw some other movies that were pretty good. | | Television | I've got this great idea for a new television show, you're gonna love it. Check it out. What happens when an out-of-work actor who used to play a down-on-his-luck, washed-up reality game show host hooks up with a guy who plays the writer of a reality show on a hot new reality television show about the action behind-the-scenes of a hot new reality television show? That's as far as I've got so far. If I think about it too much, it kind of starts to blow my mind a bit. | | Books | An excerpt from "The Moor-Pitch On The Swithering Fen" by Thomas Canon Waddlington: "...Millicent raised the glass over her delicately tilted head and began a slow pour of the golden liquor onto her sunkissed flaxen locks. 'My word,' ejaculated Chesterfield, 'but it does seem as though you've gone a bit vex, old bat.' Millicent laughed a throaty, cackling chortle that to Chesterfield's mind was the very pitch and spirit of a rusty iron gate. 'You're a coward,' spat Millicent, the liquor spilling down into her eyes, painfully blinding her, 'can't you see I love you? Can't you see! Can't you see?' Chesterfield lowered his eyes and stared ruefully down upon his weather-beaten wooden peg leg. 'How could you love a peg-legged monster like me?' he whispered, tears welling up and trickling hot down either cheek, slowly dampening his over-starched collar. Just then, a sound like unto a knocking sound sounded on the back, or the outside, of the chamber door that led into the draughty hall where Katrin and Hugo had so recently discovered the dead raccoon. 'Who is it!' screeched Millicent, blindly throwing her arms about, knocking a vase, a decanter and a candelabra onto the floor. 'It's Henry,' shouted a woman from behind the door. 'Horse nuts!' grumbled Chesterfield, taking an axe to his wooden peg leg. 'Horse nuts!'" | | Heroes | A wise old hobo. |
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Robot Slave's Details
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| Status: | In a Relationship | | Here for: | Networking | | Orientation: | Not Sure | | Hometown: | London, Ontario | | Body type: | 0' 7" / Body builder | | Ethnicity: | Other | | Religion: | Other | | Zodiac Sign: | Scorpio | | Children: | I don't want kids | | Education: | Some college | | Occupation: | Comedian/Playwright/Slave | | Income: | Less than $30,000 |
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Robot Slave's Latest Blog Entry
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The Reason For All The Screaming
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High Noon
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Whistlin' Dixie
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Invisible Robot, Lunch and a Curious Fellow
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The International Men Of Science Three-Day Conference (Day Three)
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Robot Slave's Blurbs |
About me:
Growing up in an underwater science lab is tough, but somehow I made it through my teen years without setting any fires. After the lab exploded and I surfaced (without the bends!), I swam around until I ended up in London, Ontario. My I.Q. began to decay at an alarming rate, and so I decided to become willfully ignorant. Now I write largely uninformed plays, perform with the reprehensible alt sketch group Fully Insured, and occasionally pull out the skull mask for the family-friendly Adventures Of The Boneyard Man.
But inside, the pain of feeling too much and knowing too little is tearing me apart. I'm a poet, damn it! What are you people laughing at? Screw you all! This world is a filthy bathroom stall full of self-absorbed junkies lying in their own sick! Still, can't complain.
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Who I'd like to meet:
Myself in twenty years, to talk about this great life insurance I will have purchased.
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| Robot Slave's Friend Space (Top 22) |
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Robot Slave has 151 friends.
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