Jake was on his deathbed while his wife, Becky, maintained a steady vigil by his side. As she held his fragile hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his, and roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to quiver with sound.
"My darling Becky," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Go back to sleep Shhh! Don't talk."
But he was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I slept with your sister, your best friend and our next door neighbor."
Becky mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. "Hush now Jake, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," she said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"
Two cannibals are eating a clown. The first cannabal says to the second, "Does this taste funny to you."
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
"I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife," he tells the doctor, "when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and I noticed one of the cows had something white in its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball stuck right in the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, as I was standing there holding up the tail, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"
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Hey luv the Stone Teple Pilots are gonna be playing at your spot the Borgata this saturday! I cant make it cuz i got a engagement party to go to but i thought it might be something you would enjoy :) Hit me up when ya get a minute. that would be really awesome xoxo Scotty :)
Always aim higher than you believe you can reach. So often, you'll discover that when your talents are set free by your imagination, you can achieve any goal.
If people offer their help or wisdom as you go through life, accept it gratefully. You can learn much from those who have gone before you. But never be afraid or hesitant to step off the accepted path and head off in your own direction if your heart tells you that it's the right way for you.
Always believe that you will ultimately succeed at whatever you do, and never forget the value of persistence, discipline, and determination.
You are meant to be whatever you dream of becoming.
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