7 am- Wake up confused, disoriented, alone, and nude.
10:01 am- wake up in a suit bought in London that's much too small, and i haven't ever been to London.
11 am- drink wiskey out of the flesh of a gazelle
12:35 pm- Put on tight white Jordache jeans. Wonder if tight jeans are cutting off circulation to brain
3 pm- tanning salon. doing it and doing it and doing it well.
9 pm- call girl i made out with in 10th grade, ask her if she is as lonely as me, she declines to comment.
2 am- get blindly drunk at local bar and alienate middle class workers by tucking penis between legs and pretending to be a domestic woman, but they see through my ruse. Leave before inevitable beating.
3 am- Fall asleep in pile of trash.
About me: THINGS I'M INTO: manicures. eating brunch in the bathtub. drug buffets. honey mustard. riding horses naked. salmon-colored turtlenecks. being bodacious. pedicures. Asian men with small hands and long flowing hair. Quiche. Tony Danza's calves. being charming. Doing it big like Ricki Lake's thighs in '94. frenzied behavior. loincloths. Jewish girls from Long Island. shrimp in baskets. depression. cheap champagne. penny loafers. Tom Selleck's moustache. mango scones. buying homeless men things on ebay. watching drunk white girls at bars sing "Juicy" by Biggie. Peeing in pools. fancy in the pantry. doing the damn thing. space camp. drug buffets. teenage vampires. slicing cold cuts shirtless. spider man pajamas with feet. goon squad hooligans. Loofahs.
not giving a fuck. getting my hair did. being filthy and gorgeous. transvestites. eye contact. onion bagels. being rowdy rowdy/ bout it bout it. getting dusted. movies on VHS. public access television. the gutter. flat-tops. loofahs. eye contact. Crown heights. double-dutch jump roping. Filipinos. tangerine bathrobes. reading the Post. shitty rap music. wearing colonial powdered wigs. meeting up with people to talk. pinky rings.bodacious babes. starched collars. shitty rap music. men who weep. exciting activities. tasteful floral arrangements. doing it and doing it and doing it well. The episode of 90210 featuring Color me Badd. Paintings of me naked and covered in doves, fighting a cougar with my penis shaped like a lightning bolt. white denim. black denim. inappropriately mixing denims. warm scotch. Dolly Parton. argyle everything. being more famous in Japan than Hello Kitty. girls with big sunglasses. Nine West gator pumps in banana yellow. light treason. escaping to Mexico. ice cream sandwiches. kissing cousins. a beauty queen with an M16. vomiting out of taxi windows. Jason Priestley in denim button-down shirts. being too weird to live and too rare to die.
“I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than just a sex symbol.”
-Steven Seagal
"You know models? I know models. You like fresh fruit? I like fresh fruit. I live in a skyscraper... Hi helicopter."
-Lil' Wayne
Limited Edition t-shirt for sale now! 20$ for the sauciest shirt of all time. It's so hot you'll have to wear oven mitts to put it on. Available in sizes Small-XXL.
These are my rap group's music videos. They are delicious.
5-6pm: Trouble Andrew Album release pre party jump off @ BURTON flagship store Soho. 106 Spring st at Mercer. Free! all ages
8pm: Myspace Secret show with Trouble Andrew+ LILY Allen + Matt&Kim @ Bowery Ballroom. Free, all ages.
11pm: OFFICIAL ALBUM RELEASE PARTY with Trouble Andrew live set + special guests, Trouble Gang! The Mr Move, JOFO, Facelift, Stunnaman and more! FREE BOOZ, FREE ENTRY and lots of TROUBLE!!! Anything goes! 21 and over.
YO FAT.JEW HOW DO I,DOWNLOAD THE TRACK NEW.YORK IS DEAD ON MY IPOD. PLEASE COMMENT BACK AND I,NEED THAT TEAM FACELIFT CD. WE MET ON SOUTH.BEACH MIAMI A FEW YEARS. ABOUT 2YEARS AGO! I,GUESS YA'LL WAS IN VACATION OR SOMETHING AND YALL GAVE ME THE CD BUT A FRIEND OF MINES STOLE IT. MY FAV: LINE YALL SAID IN ONE OF THE SONG WAS I,LIKE WAS. EVERY WHITE BICTH UNDER 30 THINKS SHE PREETY THINK SHES A CHARACTER FROM SEX IN THE CITY. I,WAS DIGGING THAT CD I,NEED A EXTRA COPY FOR MY COLLECTION PLEASE.
