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James JimmyJimJimbo Lattimore, III is an enigmatic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. In 1968, he was born the son a Belgian Boulangerie owner (also named Jim Lattimore as was his fathers father) and his wife, an orphaned gypsy shoemaker.

Jim woos women with his sensuous and godlike trombone playing; he can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and can cook Minute Rice in forty-seven seconds. He is an expert in drywall, a veteran in love, and is wanted by the law in several western states.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, he once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. He was twice decorated for valor in the great Usenet Flame war of 98. His most famous campaign took place during the so-called Second Punic War, when he caught the Romans off guard by crossing the Alps. He is the subject of numerous documentaries.

His rational and scientific approach to religious, social, political, and economic issues promote a secular view of the world and a general sense of progress and perfectibility. His writings on these subjects epitomized the spirit of the Age of Enlightenment, or Age of Reason, as it is also called.

He is an abstract artist and a concrete thinker. Critics worldwide swoon over his original line of edible eveningwear. He has been caller number nine and has won the backstage passes. Children trust him. He makes older women yearn for their younger days. The laws of physics do not apply to him. He was the first to resolve Keplers Problem on cutting a semicircle in a given ratio by a line through a given point on its diameter. Born the same year as Shakespeare, he his generally regarded as the first great poet of the theatre's second great age.

Was chief chef for Attila the Hun and can cook a mean pit-roasted wildebeest. Suggested to Ernest Hemmingway that he change the title of his book from A Farewell to Bars to A Farewell to Arms. Designed leather pants for Jim Morrison. Spent much of the 30s touring with be-bop and fusion jazz bands as the rolling paper man. He knows what Napoleon had inside his jacket and why he always kept his hand in there.

Years ago he discovered the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down. He has won a Tony, an Emmy, a Grammy and a secret decoder ring. He has spoken with Elvis. He plays guitar, mandolin, keyboard, kazoo, didgeridoo, washboard, and spoons and sings lead and harmony vocals with the yallternative band Spin Cycle Rodeo.

But he has not yet gotten a major record deal.